As I've neared...
...the day upon which I kick the bucket, I've noticed some changes to my body, the likes of which I haven't seen since I was wearing the "Grows as She Grows" bra that my mother bought me in 1969.
Most of the changes were expected so, while sad, they weren't at all shocking to my body image. For example, I've heard about gray hair, bad backs and dowager's humps. Also, sadly, I can prove that gravity exists AND earn some Mardis Gras beads at the same time. If I tried to flip you off with my left hand, I would baffle you because arthritis has caused my left middle finger to bend sharply to one side at the knuckle. In addition, oddly, little tiny, itsy bitsy skin tags have begun to grow under my boobs which would have shocked me had I not encountered that special little symptom of female deterioration during my years as a nurse. Frustratingly, no matter how much weight I lose, taekwondo I practice or bike riding I do, I still possess and maintain Oprah arms that shake and wiggle should I wave. Beleaguering though these symptoms may be, none of them have been as perplexing as one odd "body change" that I never saw coming. And I mean that literally, I never saw this change begin and slowly evolve...one day I simply found it in all it's decrepit glory.
The particular change to which I refer is one that involves body hair. I was aware that body hair changes were an option...but I was expecting it to grow on my face or my upper lip. I knew about that possibility because I used to be married to an Italian with a large family that included numerous middle aged and older mustachioed women. But, being the fair Irish woman that I am, my facial hair changes are almost impossible to see so I don't waste time worrying about it. I certainly don't care enough to participate in any painful waxing activities.
(Some body hair is even open to fashion attitudes of the day...apparently pubic hair is currently out of style but once again, it doesn't bother me enough to give someone cash in return for the application of hot wax and severe pain so hairy I remain.)
But, one change involving hair I had never even considered was a change that I noticed relatively recently. To put it bluntly, I am now the unhappy possessor of some seriously virile and audacious toe hair.
I give, bring on the damn wax.
...the day upon which I kick the bucket, I've noticed some changes to my body, the likes of which I haven't seen since I was wearing the "Grows as She Grows" bra that my mother bought me in 1969.
Most of the changes were expected so, while sad, they weren't at all shocking to my body image. For example, I've heard about gray hair, bad backs and dowager's humps. Also, sadly, I can prove that gravity exists AND earn some Mardis Gras beads at the same time. If I tried to flip you off with my left hand, I would baffle you because arthritis has caused my left middle finger to bend sharply to one side at the knuckle. In addition, oddly, little tiny, itsy bitsy skin tags have begun to grow under my boobs which would have shocked me had I not encountered that special little symptom of female deterioration during my years as a nurse. Frustratingly, no matter how much weight I lose, taekwondo I practice or bike riding I do, I still possess and maintain Oprah arms that shake and wiggle should I wave. Beleaguering though these symptoms may be, none of them have been as perplexing as one odd "body change" that I never saw coming. And I mean that literally, I never saw this change begin and slowly evolve...one day I simply found it in all it's decrepit glory.
The particular change to which I refer is one that involves body hair. I was aware that body hair changes were an option...but I was expecting it to grow on my face or my upper lip. I knew about that possibility because I used to be married to an Italian with a large family that included numerous middle aged and older mustachioed women. But, being the fair Irish woman that I am, my facial hair changes are almost impossible to see so I don't waste time worrying about it. I certainly don't care enough to participate in any painful waxing activities.
(Some body hair is even open to fashion attitudes of the day...apparently pubic hair is currently out of style but once again, it doesn't bother me enough to give someone cash in return for the application of hot wax and severe pain so hairy I remain.)
But, one change involving hair I had never even considered was a change that I noticed relatively recently. To put it bluntly, I am now the unhappy possessor of some seriously virile and audacious toe hair.
I give, bring on the damn wax.
posted by Meg Kelso | 11:16 AM
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