How do I do it?
It's been my experience that whatever your issue is, you can assume that many others are having the same issue stressing them out as well. The Internet has proven that point. This blog has proven it to me, over the years, many people have written to say that they were experiencing the same things that I was experiencing. Therefore, I assume that some of you have some of the issues that I plan to discuss. With any luck at all, it will help someone.
I've been thinking about the question and I think it boils down to the fact that I'm too trusting. I do the dumbest things, things that, in hindsight are embarrassing to put out here. The following is a perfect example:
The other day a guy wanted to borrow 60 bucks from me. I said that I couldn't access it until I went to the store and used the ATM. He convinced me that he needed it now and he talked me out of my card and my PIN. He stole hundreds of dollars from me that day...all taken out from an ATM on Racetrack Road.
I can't think of a word that does justice to the stupidity of my behavior. In hindsight, I did something that I myself would call another person an idiot for doing. But, at the time I handed over my card, I just couldn't imagine that the dude would rob me. He knew that the money was from the state, given to me so that I could relocate out of the area of the guy in the mugshot below. It was all I had. I wanted to go to the Goodwill today and buy some clothes but I can't do that now. I wanted to buy something for a grandson's second birthday. I have no further money coming in and no hopes of receiving any money in the foreseeable future. How could anyone take advantage of a person like that? It just never occurred to me that anyone could do that.
Rick did so many things that would point to him being an adulterer and if I were on Jerry Springer's stage, the audience would break out in uncontrollable guffaws when Rick gave them the same lame excuses I fell for. It just never occurred to me that the man I was married to would lie to me about something so serious. Surely the man I loved and respected wasn't a cowardly, lying cheat...and a cruel one at that. No, that can't be.
Most recently, I dealt with another manipulative bully. He called everyone I knew including my ex-husband, my children and every friend he had access to, whether it be from my phone, his phone that I may have borrowed or the minute I actually friended him on Facebook. He actually spoke to the doctors when I was in the hospital. He did it on a Monday and afterwards, every single staff member treated me differently. The doctors had a very angry affect that they seemed to restrain with difficulty. The nurses weren't any better. I'll never know what he told the doctors and I'll never know what he told my kids. One of them hasn't spoken to me since the last time Walter called them. Every single time he did something atrocious, he would spend days blaming me for the most recent nastiness.
At some point, I couldn't take anymore of that, but while I was there, I bought the stupid "reasons" for his behavior. Usually he just denied it but if he couldn't, he would have some excuse or another...either his health was bad, he was off his meds, his mother was in a nursing home and then, when she passed away I didn't even want to stick around to see what he would excuse with her death.
So, basically, I guess I'm an idiot. I admit it and they say that's half the problem.
One last thing, I have trouble saying. "No." People who know me for any length of time know that and many of them take advantage of it.
Now, I must finish with this, I take too much and then when I'm ready to blow, I do. I've given the guy who robbed me until he "gets off work at 6" and then I'm calling the cops. The way I feel right now, I may not even wait.