Dear Meg...
"....I'm impressed with your patience, as I was with my Mom's. My grandmother was always a little off and would accuse my mother of trying to steal her stuff or kill her. I don't know that I could have dealt with that as well as she did... nor as well as you seem to be dealing with your live-in patient."
Sometimes my patience does wear thin and I have to leave the house...even if it is just to go to the store. I feel guilty but I have to or my brain will explode. Since I have worked in this field for so long, I know how to speak to her and keep her somewhat calm. But, as I said, sometimes I need a break. This is like working 24/7.
You know what? We went to mediation today and his attorney wanted to know how much my "room-mate" is paying me. She is a guest, not a room-mate. Apparently, someone on that side is reading my blog or they wouldn't have known she had come to see her cats. But they must not have read it too closely or they wouldn't have thought that she was a "room-mate".
Well, the terms are set. I thought the last agreement was the permanent one, I must have misunderstood. Instead of $800 a month for a year and then having the payments go down $100 a year for 5 years, I will be receiving $800 a month for 5 years, he will have to maintain my health insurance for 3 years, he will have to pay the check that bounced after he closed out the account that I put my money in, he is going to pay all of our back taxes and he is going to pay that dentist bill that he wouldn't have had to pay if he had just sent me the new insurance cards. He also has to send me the insurance cards. The alimony payments will come directly out of his paychecks so I won't have to worry about him being late when I am counting on that check for something.
Do you remember when I said that all I ever wanted was the truth? Well, he is so set against telling me the truth that he refused to write me a letter telling me the truth. That's O.K., you might think, but I asked for that after they asked me to stop participating in his prosecution for domestic violence.
First of all, if he hadn't lied, we would have been able to get a quick, no-fault, no alimony divorce. All he ever had to do was be honest. Instead he lied and things got crazy and he became violent. I gave my word to the police officer and the prosecuting attorney that I wouldn't drop the charges. I think it is the wrong thing to do. I want to keep my word to the people who helped me when I needed it.
But, as I said in an earlier post, I NEED the truth. It isn't as important as it once was but I would have considered his request in exchange for the peace of mind that the truth would have given me. I know some of you don't understand that, but after he called me "insane" for accusing him of the affairs in the first place, I think I deserve the truth. I can live without it because I actually DO know the truth. I just wanted some kind of respect, even an apology would have helped.
By the way, men, can you think of a reason he would STILL deny it? He knows I know the truth and I don't know why he would continue to lie, even when the truth would have literally "set him free". Maybe someone will talk some sense into him and he will send me an apology (through the attorneys) for the way he treated me last summer. Then again, maybe we will just see each other in court.
We won't be seeing each other any other time because my attorney had the restraining order incorporated into the divorce. So, as long as we are divorced, he cannot come near me and the other terms are still there as well.
That's it, I should have my papers in about 2 weeks and then I will be divorced. My attorney said I must wait until I receive the papers before I can date. Can you believe that? Oh well, I've waited this long, I can wait a bit longer.
I am taking my step mother out to buy some clothes, she only came with enough clothes to last the weekend as that was as long as she was originally going to stay. She wants to leave a week from next Monday. In the meantime, I am going to take her shopping, she is patiently waiting behind me so I should go now.
I will be back soon.
Meg
"....I'm impressed with your patience, as I was with my Mom's. My grandmother was always a little off and would accuse my mother of trying to steal her stuff or kill her. I don't know that I could have dealt with that as well as she did... nor as well as you seem to be dealing with your live-in patient."
Sometimes my patience does wear thin and I have to leave the house...even if it is just to go to the store. I feel guilty but I have to or my brain will explode. Since I have worked in this field for so long, I know how to speak to her and keep her somewhat calm. But, as I said, sometimes I need a break. This is like working 24/7.
You know what? We went to mediation today and his attorney wanted to know how much my "room-mate" is paying me. She is a guest, not a room-mate. Apparently, someone on that side is reading my blog or they wouldn't have known she had come to see her cats. But they must not have read it too closely or they wouldn't have thought that she was a "room-mate".
Well, the terms are set. I thought the last agreement was the permanent one, I must have misunderstood. Instead of $800 a month for a year and then having the payments go down $100 a year for 5 years, I will be receiving $800 a month for 5 years, he will have to maintain my health insurance for 3 years, he will have to pay the check that bounced after he closed out the account that I put my money in, he is going to pay all of our back taxes and he is going to pay that dentist bill that he wouldn't have had to pay if he had just sent me the new insurance cards. He also has to send me the insurance cards. The alimony payments will come directly out of his paychecks so I won't have to worry about him being late when I am counting on that check for something.
Do you remember when I said that all I ever wanted was the truth? Well, he is so set against telling me the truth that he refused to write me a letter telling me the truth. That's O.K., you might think, but I asked for that after they asked me to stop participating in his prosecution for domestic violence.
First of all, if he hadn't lied, we would have been able to get a quick, no-fault, no alimony divorce. All he ever had to do was be honest. Instead he lied and things got crazy and he became violent. I gave my word to the police officer and the prosecuting attorney that I wouldn't drop the charges. I think it is the wrong thing to do. I want to keep my word to the people who helped me when I needed it.
But, as I said in an earlier post, I NEED the truth. It isn't as important as it once was but I would have considered his request in exchange for the peace of mind that the truth would have given me. I know some of you don't understand that, but after he called me "insane" for accusing him of the affairs in the first place, I think I deserve the truth. I can live without it because I actually DO know the truth. I just wanted some kind of respect, even an apology would have helped.
By the way, men, can you think of a reason he would STILL deny it? He knows I know the truth and I don't know why he would continue to lie, even when the truth would have literally "set him free". Maybe someone will talk some sense into him and he will send me an apology (through the attorneys) for the way he treated me last summer. Then again, maybe we will just see each other in court.
We won't be seeing each other any other time because my attorney had the restraining order incorporated into the divorce. So, as long as we are divorced, he cannot come near me and the other terms are still there as well.
That's it, I should have my papers in about 2 weeks and then I will be divorced. My attorney said I must wait until I receive the papers before I can date. Can you believe that? Oh well, I've waited this long, I can wait a bit longer.
I am taking my step mother out to buy some clothes, she only came with enough clothes to last the weekend as that was as long as she was originally going to stay. She wants to leave a week from next Monday. In the meantime, I am going to take her shopping, she is patiently waiting behind me so I should go now.
I will be back soon.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 2:37 PM
2 Comments:
Meg,
Does this mean that our trip will have to wait for two more weeks?
Kevin
Excellent!
You've got a much better deal, and you've got a certain number of admissions of bad conduct on his part :insurance, check etc. That gives you a secure position going into court... very important : if it's just she-said, he-said, you can't be sure who the judge is going to believe.
All that, I guess, is why the mediation is compulsory, and why it's a good thing. Your initial agreement was made under pressure, you needed time and space and a disinterested intermediary to make sure your rights were respected.
By the way, men, can you think of a reason he would STILL deny it?
I think it's a power game... it's like trying to get you to drop the violence charges. If he can intimidate you or buy you off, without telling the truth, then (from his world view)
1) he has dominated you, and that's good, because a self-respecting man dominates women
2) he can pretend to be a good guy to everyone who doesn't know the truth : "see, she had to drop those false charges, see, all she wanted was my money, ..." etc.
3) he can end up half-convincing himself that he's a good guy and you're the bitch...
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