Dear Meg.
I’m having trouble with relationships, I feel that I know Women, I listen to Women, I respect Women, but I am having such a damn problem finding, a girlfriend. I just want one Woman in my life that loves me for who I am and I love the Woman for who she is. We are both in love equally yolked bam thats it. I dont cheat and play games so I excpect the same. I thought thats what Women wanted but the more I meet these women it seems they want the ones who treat them bad every time. Why is that? Do I have to act like that to find someone?...Todd
No, of course not. I hear that so much that I have to believe that it’s true to some extent. Men have told me more than once that they see women going to guys who treat them like dirt. I don’t understand it so I don’t really know how to explain it but I can say that no one should adjust their behavior for anyone. You might want to modify some things about yourself as a part of the compromises of any given relationship, but you should never try to change the core of your being. You won’t be happy and neither will anybody that you are ever with. That soul mate thing is all about finding someone who knows the core of your being and loves you in spite of it, because of it, whatever. They just love you. You can’t possibly have that if you hide yourself somewhere.
I don’t know why some women seem to be with guys who treat them so badly. To be quite honest with you, I see more women treating men badly than I do the other way around. I’ve never understood that either except to say that the guys know where their pussy is. I guess that’s what makes them pussy-whipped. We don’t have a word for the women, I guess dick-pecked would be as good as any. So, the dick-pecked women seem to be outnumbering the others in your life, ‘ey?
You know, I was dick-pecked at one point. I remember thinking different things, like on my 12fth birthday I remember thinking that I was all grown up. I was walking down the street that I grew up on and literally thinking, “All right! I am ALL grown up!” When I had anorexia as a teenager, I remember weighing myself and weighing 94 pounds. I remember seeing myself in the mirror and seeing fat. At 5’8”, there couldn’t have possibly been any fat on me. But I remember seeing it and knowing that it was there. Oddly enough , I also have a memory of being dick-pecked.
I was married at the time and my husband was a violent man. I don’t mean Joe Lewis violent, I mean in affect. He would have a violent presence if you know what I mean. He was large and intimidating, the kind of guy who you think might become violent at any moment. You walk on egg shells when he is angry. Occasionally, he would blow up and when he did, he would throw things and punch holes in the wall. Basically, he would just be extremely angry and unable to control himself.
Essentially, I remember thinking (and I’m not at all proud to say this, it’s just the truth.) that if he didn’t care about me, he wouldn’t act like that. I actually thought that his anger and “passion” were signs that he was deeply in love. How whacked out is that? I was very young and I’ve learned quite a bit since then
But, I do remember thinking that way. You didnt mention your age but I do hope that you are very young. I like to think that as women (and men, for that matter) we grow out of the period in which we seem to get all masochistic.
So far, in this single period, I have noticed some things about some men that I would have missed the last time. Well, I would have missed these things early, I would have picked up on them later on, like when I was suffering the ill effects. I see the red flags much earlier now then I did before. If you've been reading this long enough, you know that I go out on a lot of first dates but rarely see the guys more than once. That's because I see something bad very quickly nowadays. Like the date that never ends. You know the type, they go out with you and then they call you the next day and find some reason to come over again and again and before you know it, you're living together. I see that one quickly now. If we go out on a date and you don't have anything better to do for the next 5 days than to call me constantly, I will be hiding from you and the phone.
There's another thing that I've learned, (after a bunch of contemplation, not experience this time). That is, you can tell a LOT about a relationship by the circumstances of your first sexual escapade. If you are getting it on with someone for the first time and you have to lie to the man's wife about it, things are not going to be good for the two of you. Also, if the two of you are in a parked car in a parking lot, it does not bode well for you and your new sex buddy. But, if you plan this and plan it well, things are looking a bit better for you. Think about it, it makes sense.
You know, people do a lot of talking in the beginning. They say things like, "Oh, I would always want to be friends first." or "I want sex to mean something." Blah, blah, blah...then they go and try to score the first chance they get. I'm paying attention to these things. I would rather stay celebate than to give it up for the wrong reasons. I don't have to setlle for anthing less than I want. It's a helluva lot easier living with the celebacy than it would be if I had lowered my standards. Luckily, I am not the type of woman who feels the need to have a sex partner to make me feel complete. I would much rather have a friend and I have few of those.
OH well, I'm just sorry that there are so many nice folks out there all alone and the yahoos are all getting plenty...but like I said, I would ratehr be alone than with someone for the wrong reasons or if I couldn't just be myself. And now, my self wants to go to bed. I fell asleep at my desk and just woke up over this post. So, I'm going to finish it and go lie down.
See ya,
Meg
I’m having trouble with relationships, I feel that I know Women, I listen to Women, I respect Women, but I am having such a damn problem finding, a girlfriend. I just want one Woman in my life that loves me for who I am and I love the Woman for who she is. We are both in love equally yolked bam thats it. I dont cheat and play games so I excpect the same. I thought thats what Women wanted but the more I meet these women it seems they want the ones who treat them bad every time. Why is that? Do I have to act like that to find someone?...Todd
No, of course not. I hear that so much that I have to believe that it’s true to some extent. Men have told me more than once that they see women going to guys who treat them like dirt. I don’t understand it so I don’t really know how to explain it but I can say that no one should adjust their behavior for anyone. You might want to modify some things about yourself as a part of the compromises of any given relationship, but you should never try to change the core of your being. You won’t be happy and neither will anybody that you are ever with. That soul mate thing is all about finding someone who knows the core of your being and loves you in spite of it, because of it, whatever. They just love you. You can’t possibly have that if you hide yourself somewhere.
I don’t know why some women seem to be with guys who treat them so badly. To be quite honest with you, I see more women treating men badly than I do the other way around. I’ve never understood that either except to say that the guys know where their pussy is. I guess that’s what makes them pussy-whipped. We don’t have a word for the women, I guess dick-pecked would be as good as any. So, the dick-pecked women seem to be outnumbering the others in your life, ‘ey?
You know, I was dick-pecked at one point. I remember thinking different things, like on my 12fth birthday I remember thinking that I was all grown up. I was walking down the street that I grew up on and literally thinking, “All right! I am ALL grown up!” When I had anorexia as a teenager, I remember weighing myself and weighing 94 pounds. I remember seeing myself in the mirror and seeing fat. At 5’8”, there couldn’t have possibly been any fat on me. But I remember seeing it and knowing that it was there. Oddly enough , I also have a memory of being dick-pecked.
I was married at the time and my husband was a violent man. I don’t mean Joe Lewis violent, I mean in affect. He would have a violent presence if you know what I mean. He was large and intimidating, the kind of guy who you think might become violent at any moment. You walk on egg shells when he is angry. Occasionally, he would blow up and when he did, he would throw things and punch holes in the wall. Basically, he would just be extremely angry and unable to control himself.
Essentially, I remember thinking (and I’m not at all proud to say this, it’s just the truth.) that if he didn’t care about me, he wouldn’t act like that. I actually thought that his anger and “passion” were signs that he was deeply in love. How whacked out is that? I was very young and I’ve learned quite a bit since then
But, I do remember thinking that way. You didnt mention your age but I do hope that you are very young. I like to think that as women (and men, for that matter) we grow out of the period in which we seem to get all masochistic.
So far, in this single period, I have noticed some things about some men that I would have missed the last time. Well, I would have missed these things early, I would have picked up on them later on, like when I was suffering the ill effects. I see the red flags much earlier now then I did before. If you've been reading this long enough, you know that I go out on a lot of first dates but rarely see the guys more than once. That's because I see something bad very quickly nowadays. Like the date that never ends. You know the type, they go out with you and then they call you the next day and find some reason to come over again and again and before you know it, you're living together. I see that one quickly now. If we go out on a date and you don't have anything better to do for the next 5 days than to call me constantly, I will be hiding from you and the phone.
There's another thing that I've learned, (after a bunch of contemplation, not experience this time). That is, you can tell a LOT about a relationship by the circumstances of your first sexual escapade. If you are getting it on with someone for the first time and you have to lie to the man's wife about it, things are not going to be good for the two of you. Also, if the two of you are in a parked car in a parking lot, it does not bode well for you and your new sex buddy. But, if you plan this and plan it well, things are looking a bit better for you. Think about it, it makes sense.
You know, people do a lot of talking in the beginning. They say things like, "Oh, I would always want to be friends first." or "I want sex to mean something." Blah, blah, blah...then they go and try to score the first chance they get. I'm paying attention to these things. I would rather stay celebate than to give it up for the wrong reasons. I don't have to setlle for anthing less than I want. It's a helluva lot easier living with the celebacy than it would be if I had lowered my standards. Luckily, I am not the type of woman who feels the need to have a sex partner to make me feel complete. I would much rather have a friend and I have few of those.
OH well, I'm just sorry that there are so many nice folks out there all alone and the yahoos are all getting plenty...but like I said, I would ratehr be alone than with someone for the wrong reasons or if I couldn't just be myself. And now, my self wants to go to bed. I fell asleep at my desk and just woke up over this post. So, I'm going to finish it and go lie down.
See ya,
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 4:29 AM
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