Every time I start to think that all men are dogs...
...I find a few that renew my faith in the entire sex. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not, perhaps I’d be better off just giving up on them all together. My mother did and I’ve spoken to other women who have done the same. I enjoy men a little bit too much to give up on them just yet...although I must admit that the idea has crossed my mind a time or two.
They absolutely drive me nuts saying things like, "I didn't do it on purpose." when they don't even consider the fact that they didn't go out of their way to avoid doing whatever it was they did. Rick never understood that. I have to wonder if you guys have ever considered THAT. There are so many annoying little things that drive me nuts but so far, I can't find a replacement for them.
Anyway, back to the guys who renew my faith, one guy sent me the following email which makes me think that he has actually considered the feelings of a women, something that I don’t think many men do.
I agree that a true pick-up will almost assuredly not provide sexual gratification for a woman. However, I think that a one-time get together will work under the following circumstances:
1. There needs to be an initial level of mental chemistry established through emails.
2. There needs to be one meeting in advance, for lunch or even just for coffee, to confirm that there is physical attraction.
3. There needs to be a series of increasingly erotic emails where the woman reveals what excites her.
I've done it this way a number of times and I feel pretty confident that not only I, but also the woman, enjoyed the experience fully.
It isn’t that his email showed me that he was a “nice guy”...just a thoughtful one. And I would prefer thoughtful over “nice” 8 days a week. Rick could be nice at times but didn’t think about anything but what he wanted at any given moment.
And then there was this guy:
I just read the morning's Blog and I almost can't understand some people of my own gender anymore. I don't know if some guys have been so pampered by really stupid women that they really think that it is a thrill for women just to be in their presence or what?
So...there ARE men who see how freaky these other guys are. They’ve even thought enough about it to try to understand WHY in the hell the freaks would act like they do. By the way, I do agree with this one that some men have been so pampered by “stupid” women that they expect other women to be as receptive to their asinine behavior and are even offended when a woman with some level of self esteem comes along.
I don’t think the women are stupid so much as they are hard up and lacking in self esteem. I have a little friend who is currently “dating” a guy in jail. She has sparked the interest of a man who has treated her quite well. He has taken her out for dinner and paid for it which was quite foreign to her. He is just a regular, decent guy with a job and no history of imprisonment. When I pointed out the differences in these two men such as, one has a job, the other is in jail, one pays for dinner the other expects her to bail him out, one treats her with respect and the other bitches at her from jail for not getting him out...her response was, “One is gorgeous and the other isn’t.” Well, I met the one who isn’t gorgeous and he isn’t a toad either. But even if he was, he has won this contest hands down in the mind of any thinking woman. She is the perfect example of women who seem to like being treated like crap. She isn’t a bad looking girl herself and with a little bit of self esteem, she could have any decent guy that she wanted.
Perhaps she would be interested in the guy who sent this email:
“Women who would sleep with a guy on the first date don’t deserve to enjoy the sex. They don’t care who fucks them so I don’t mind doing it myself. I need sex on a regular basis and if there is a female who will let me do her, then I will do her....”
Now, this is a man who is, at best, honest and at worst, a bum. But...honesty is a good thing and something that I can respect...even when the truth that he is imparting to me is so wicked.
The other day I mentioned that once a relationship goes bad, especially because of cheating or lying, it’s tough, if not impossible to get the old feelings back. I’m surprised to hear that it’s a surprise to anyone but this guy seemed to learn something from that statement:
“...The other day you wrote something to the effect that you could never feel comfortable with a man that you had lost respect for...this kind of information is helping me to understand why I'm not getting any recognition from my wife for trying to get my personal identity (from that of an unhappily married potentially available for "cheating" man) changed to one of a trustworthy man that could be a good partner for the rest of his life. I think that she may have lost interest in my objective. I may have, with my last affair, finally "burned the bridge" for any further relationship with my wife. The old saying about not knowing what you had until it is lost, would seem appropriate at this point....”
The rest of his email (that I could not post as it may have given away his identity) showed that he is truly sorry for his indiscretions and that he may be worth the effort that his wife needs to put into their marriage. I understand why she may not want to as I lost all respect for Rick after the first affair and to my dismay, never got it back. But...I must say that the honesty that this man put into that email MAY have given me the incentive to try again but Rick didn’t try, nor has he even begun to get to the point where he could say, “This is what I did and I would like to know what I have to do to repair the damage.” If he had tried to be honest with himself and with me, we could have created another type of relationship that may have actually been better than the one that he killed. But as of this day, the man does not have the decency, the maturity or the courage to so much as make the effort to TRY honesty.
Even with nothing to lose, he lies about the most ridiculous things imaginable. He may or may not be sorry for the lies that he’s told, but he still can’t summon the courage to give honesty a try.
I don’t expect perfection...or even a superb specimen. But a man who tells the truth is going to win out over a liar every single time. I would accept, “I would rather not answer that question.” easily but lies are absolute deal breakers.
If you are a man (or a woman, for that matter) and you have been lying to anyone or everyone that you’ve met, try this experiment. Go for one month without lying to anyone. Tell the truth no matter how difficult it may be. Remember that “I would rather not answer that question .” is always an option. If a woman (or man) has a hard time with that answer or your honesty in general, let them go...they aren’t worth the effort that you’ve put into it.
I’d be very interested in your experience and would love to hear from anyone out there who is interested in trying this. I will tell you that your life will be much easier and your relationships much more solid. Give it a shot, you really have nothing worth having to lose.
Good luck and let me know how it works for you!
Meg
...I find a few that renew my faith in the entire sex. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not, perhaps I’d be better off just giving up on them all together. My mother did and I’ve spoken to other women who have done the same. I enjoy men a little bit too much to give up on them just yet...although I must admit that the idea has crossed my mind a time or two.
They absolutely drive me nuts saying things like, "I didn't do it on purpose." when they don't even consider the fact that they didn't go out of their way to avoid doing whatever it was they did. Rick never understood that. I have to wonder if you guys have ever considered THAT. There are so many annoying little things that drive me nuts but so far, I can't find a replacement for them.
Anyway, back to the guys who renew my faith, one guy sent me the following email which makes me think that he has actually considered the feelings of a women, something that I don’t think many men do.
I agree that a true pick-up will almost assuredly not provide sexual gratification for a woman. However, I think that a one-time get together will work under the following circumstances:
1. There needs to be an initial level of mental chemistry established through emails.
2. There needs to be one meeting in advance, for lunch or even just for coffee, to confirm that there is physical attraction.
3. There needs to be a series of increasingly erotic emails where the woman reveals what excites her.
I've done it this way a number of times and I feel pretty confident that not only I, but also the woman, enjoyed the experience fully.
It isn’t that his email showed me that he was a “nice guy”...just a thoughtful one. And I would prefer thoughtful over “nice” 8 days a week. Rick could be nice at times but didn’t think about anything but what he wanted at any given moment.
And then there was this guy:
I just read the morning's Blog and I almost can't understand some people of my own gender anymore. I don't know if some guys have been so pampered by really stupid women that they really think that it is a thrill for women just to be in their presence or what?
So...there ARE men who see how freaky these other guys are. They’ve even thought enough about it to try to understand WHY in the hell the freaks would act like they do. By the way, I do agree with this one that some men have been so pampered by “stupid” women that they expect other women to be as receptive to their asinine behavior and are even offended when a woman with some level of self esteem comes along.
I don’t think the women are stupid so much as they are hard up and lacking in self esteem. I have a little friend who is currently “dating” a guy in jail. She has sparked the interest of a man who has treated her quite well. He has taken her out for dinner and paid for it which was quite foreign to her. He is just a regular, decent guy with a job and no history of imprisonment. When I pointed out the differences in these two men such as, one has a job, the other is in jail, one pays for dinner the other expects her to bail him out, one treats her with respect and the other bitches at her from jail for not getting him out...her response was, “One is gorgeous and the other isn’t.” Well, I met the one who isn’t gorgeous and he isn’t a toad either. But even if he was, he has won this contest hands down in the mind of any thinking woman. She is the perfect example of women who seem to like being treated like crap. She isn’t a bad looking girl herself and with a little bit of self esteem, she could have any decent guy that she wanted.
Perhaps she would be interested in the guy who sent this email:
“Women who would sleep with a guy on the first date don’t deserve to enjoy the sex. They don’t care who fucks them so I don’t mind doing it myself. I need sex on a regular basis and if there is a female who will let me do her, then I will do her....”
Now, this is a man who is, at best, honest and at worst, a bum. But...honesty is a good thing and something that I can respect...even when the truth that he is imparting to me is so wicked.
The other day I mentioned that once a relationship goes bad, especially because of cheating or lying, it’s tough, if not impossible to get the old feelings back. I’m surprised to hear that it’s a surprise to anyone but this guy seemed to learn something from that statement:
“...The other day you wrote something to the effect that you could never feel comfortable with a man that you had lost respect for...this kind of information is helping me to understand why I'm not getting any recognition from my wife for trying to get my personal identity (from that of an unhappily married potentially available for "cheating" man) changed to one of a trustworthy man that could be a good partner for the rest of his life. I think that she may have lost interest in my objective. I may have, with my last affair, finally "burned the bridge" for any further relationship with my wife. The old saying about not knowing what you had until it is lost, would seem appropriate at this point....”
The rest of his email (that I could not post as it may have given away his identity) showed that he is truly sorry for his indiscretions and that he may be worth the effort that his wife needs to put into their marriage. I understand why she may not want to as I lost all respect for Rick after the first affair and to my dismay, never got it back. But...I must say that the honesty that this man put into that email MAY have given me the incentive to try again but Rick didn’t try, nor has he even begun to get to the point where he could say, “This is what I did and I would like to know what I have to do to repair the damage.” If he had tried to be honest with himself and with me, we could have created another type of relationship that may have actually been better than the one that he killed. But as of this day, the man does not have the decency, the maturity or the courage to so much as make the effort to TRY honesty.
Even with nothing to lose, he lies about the most ridiculous things imaginable. He may or may not be sorry for the lies that he’s told, but he still can’t summon the courage to give honesty a try.
I don’t expect perfection...or even a superb specimen. But a man who tells the truth is going to win out over a liar every single time. I would accept, “I would rather not answer that question.” easily but lies are absolute deal breakers.
If you are a man (or a woman, for that matter) and you have been lying to anyone or everyone that you’ve met, try this experiment. Go for one month without lying to anyone. Tell the truth no matter how difficult it may be. Remember that “I would rather not answer that question .” is always an option. If a woman (or man) has a hard time with that answer or your honesty in general, let them go...they aren’t worth the effort that you’ve put into it.
I’d be very interested in your experience and would love to hear from anyone out there who is interested in trying this. I will tell you that your life will be much easier and your relationships much more solid. Give it a shot, you really have nothing worth having to lose.
Good luck and let me know how it works for you!
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 10:27 AM
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