I sure would love...

...to run away. It’s been a lifelong dream of mine and although I admit that my marriage was the perfect excuse and opportunity to get the hell out of dodge...I failed to take advantage of it. That’s just so bogus.

I did run away once as a child. I walked all the way to a tree house that the neighborhood boys had built near a stream about two blocks away.
I came prepared. I brought a head of lettuce and some bread. I was going to eat mayonnaise and lettuce sandwiches but I couldn’t get the mayo out of the house. I couldn’t get the fridge out either so the lettuce wilted. I brought a potato bag that I was going to fill with dirty dishes and leave them in the stream until they were clean and then hang them in the trees to dry. But, I never did get any dishes either. I did bring a spoon, but nothing to eat with it. I caught minnows in the stream but that got boring quickly. I started singing, “The ants go marching one by one, hurrah-hurrah!” But Steve Kliff walked by at about that time and I was terribly embarrassed. He was one of my first crushes. So, I read my Nancy Drew book up in the tree...until the boards started to creak. Then, I decided that my safety was of the utmost importance so I climbed down and resumed reading my book. Then it started to rain. I was wet, cold and hungry. I decided to go home and face the music for disappearing all day. As I walked in the door, mother said, “Honey, let’s get you out of those wet clothes. You’ve gotten home just in time for dinner.” They never even missed me.

That escapade was pretty much a bust. I’m much older now and I know how to have some fun. The only problem is that sooner o later, I’d want to come home and households just don’t run themselves. I doubt that the salt and pepper shakers would be on the stove like they are now when I got back.

So, back to the “if I win the lottery” thing. I would get a great vehicle. I don’t know what...but it would be kick ass. I’d give my kids some cash so that I wouldn’t have to worry about them for a while and then I would just drive wherever my little heart takes me. I’d like to go someplace where you could gamble...horses most likely...the odds are better. I wouldn’t lose a bunch of money...I just enjoy picking the winners. A winning two dollar bet is as good as any other bet...almost.

Then, I’d go to the beach and drink Margarita’s. After 3 or so of them...I would go parasailing. After the beach, I would just keep driving to the best cities in the country. In Chicago, I’d hide from the guards at The Museum of Science and Industry and come out at night, having the entire place to myself.

I’d go to LA and harass movie stars...just for the hell of it. What a bunch of idiots. Have you ever watched Celebrity Jeopardy? They dumb down those questions and the celebrities STILL struggle for the answers and they laugh off their idiocy as one of their many endearing features. Oh well, everybody loves a beautiful moron.

I’d probably get in trouble at some point. Stupid people annoy the hell out of me and there are so many of them. It’s hardly worth running away for, but hell, I do like to travel. I’m the nit wit who tries to make the bobbies in London snigger. Anyway, sooner or later I’d run into some geek who didn’t understand my sense of humor and we’d have to throw down.

Speaking of stupid people, they truly pluck my last raw nerve. I even get annoyed at poor grammar. I don’t mean an occasional slip, I mean atrocious, downright infuriating mutilation of the English language. Do you know what I mean? Whenever I ate breakfast this morning, I didn’t put no sugar in it. Do you know what I mean? I had asked her if she had planned on going to pick up her brother who had needed a ride, do you know what I mean?

Oh well, I can’t very well run away today, I’m half asleep and headed to the couch for a nap. I’ll be back later.

Meg