Hi!
Well, the nice prosecutor reduced my “crime” to something manageable and I have 2 months to pay the fine. I can handle that. I love those Cobb County court people, I’m committing all of my crimes there from now on.
The next date is in February for last months faux paus but I won’t worry about that one until after the holidays.
I received a few emails from guys explaining why they treat “unattractive” women the way that they do. Not surprisingly, a lot of them mentioned peer pressure. But one guy wrote about something that I have noticed myself. Some people look better or worse than they might otherwise look based on their personality.
I’ve always felt that way. A gorgeous man could turn nasty quickly by behaving like a social clod and an unattractive man can appear quite handsome by being a lovely human being.
That’s sort of what happened when I met Rick. My first reaction to him was “Yuck...what a nasty dude.” He kept calling and calling and somehow, sooner or later, I started to find him to be attractive. I don’t really understand that one, he’s never been a particularly nice person nor has he ever been funny or bright. I guess it was just one of those situations where he kept after me and made me feel good so I just started liking him.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that I had made a mistake, but I was determined to do what I thought was the right thing. I was going to make that marriage work no matter what. I was even PROUD that I stayed with him after the first affair, I remember thinking that our marriage would be stronger for it.
Obviously, I was using the wrong part of my brain. Also, I was letting that “love is blind” BS screw up my thought processes. I still believe that a marriage can survive one affair...but only if the cheating party learns something from it. Something good that is...Rick seemed to learn that I would stay through all of his shortcomings so he just kept on acting worse and worse.
What makes me the angriest at myself is that I keep on letting him dump on me, over and over again. Even this past time, when his mother died, I thought that he was sincere. What kind of creep would use their mother’s death to gain something for themselves? I couldn’t imagine that even Rick would do that. But, he most certainly did. Oh well. I MUST stop giving him the benefit of the doubt...he is simply a selfish, unethical louse. I have GOT to get that through my thick skull.
Not too long ago...maybe last month...I found myself thinking that death would be such an easy way out of all the problems that I was having. Last year, I considered it too. When I made the decision to kill myself, a calm came over me that I hadn’t felt in years. The only thing that kept me from actually doing it was my kids. I couldn’t do that do them. And, once again, I couldn’t do it last month for the same reason. It’s a cowards way out and I’m not a coward. So, here I am again...putting the blinders on and trusting that somehow, I will get through the crap that lies ahead of me.
That lottery thing isn’t working out but it surely would help...how crazy is it that we actually have problems as minor as money issues that have such a hideous impact on our lives. It’s a shame. But, I can handle it, I’ve gotten this far and there’s no way that I could have survived all of the things that I did survive over the past couple of years just to find out that I have NOTHING to live for. I keep telling myself that there will be something happening in my life that will let me know why I am still here. I certainly hope so anyway.
I just got a phone call from a lady who needs me to work for her so I’m going to go and help her out...I absolutely can’t afford to refuse any opportunity that I have to earn money. This time of year, I usually worry about buying Christmas presents but I don’t even think that I can afford to have a Christmas this year because of all the fines that I have from my stupid driving mistakes and the bills that I was going to pay with the alimony that Rick never sent. Thank God I don’t have little kids, I can easily get by without having a Christmas this year.
I am as sure as I can be that one of these days, I am going to be in a position to enjoy holidays and vacations again. In the meantime, I’ll just trudge along, one day at a time. And...you never know, maybe Rick will have some epiphany of decency and realize what a bum he’s been and then he might actually send the alimony so that I can at least pay some of the bills. LOLOLOL...or maybe I’ll see a flying iguana in the sky above my house.
OK, sorry to leave so quickly...but I have to go earn some cash.
See ya! I’ll be back when I’ve earned as much cash as I possibly can.
Meg
PS After I wrote this, I had to leave immediately. I didn’t even have the time to post it. I just got home and when I did, I received a couple more emails from men that I found very interesting. Right now I have to run to the store to get myself some Popsicles. When I get back I’ll write something about the emails that I received today....I think that you will find them as interesting as I do.
Well, the nice prosecutor reduced my “crime” to something manageable and I have 2 months to pay the fine. I can handle that. I love those Cobb County court people, I’m committing all of my crimes there from now on.
The next date is in February for last months faux paus but I won’t worry about that one until after the holidays.
I received a few emails from guys explaining why they treat “unattractive” women the way that they do. Not surprisingly, a lot of them mentioned peer pressure. But one guy wrote about something that I have noticed myself. Some people look better or worse than they might otherwise look based on their personality.
I’ve always felt that way. A gorgeous man could turn nasty quickly by behaving like a social clod and an unattractive man can appear quite handsome by being a lovely human being.
That’s sort of what happened when I met Rick. My first reaction to him was “Yuck...what a nasty dude.” He kept calling and calling and somehow, sooner or later, I started to find him to be attractive. I don’t really understand that one, he’s never been a particularly nice person nor has he ever been funny or bright. I guess it was just one of those situations where he kept after me and made me feel good so I just started liking him.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that I had made a mistake, but I was determined to do what I thought was the right thing. I was going to make that marriage work no matter what. I was even PROUD that I stayed with him after the first affair, I remember thinking that our marriage would be stronger for it.
Obviously, I was using the wrong part of my brain. Also, I was letting that “love is blind” BS screw up my thought processes. I still believe that a marriage can survive one affair...but only if the cheating party learns something from it. Something good that is...Rick seemed to learn that I would stay through all of his shortcomings so he just kept on acting worse and worse.
What makes me the angriest at myself is that I keep on letting him dump on me, over and over again. Even this past time, when his mother died, I thought that he was sincere. What kind of creep would use their mother’s death to gain something for themselves? I couldn’t imagine that even Rick would do that. But, he most certainly did. Oh well. I MUST stop giving him the benefit of the doubt...he is simply a selfish, unethical louse. I have GOT to get that through my thick skull.
Not too long ago...maybe last month...I found myself thinking that death would be such an easy way out of all the problems that I was having. Last year, I considered it too. When I made the decision to kill myself, a calm came over me that I hadn’t felt in years. The only thing that kept me from actually doing it was my kids. I couldn’t do that do them. And, once again, I couldn’t do it last month for the same reason. It’s a cowards way out and I’m not a coward. So, here I am again...putting the blinders on and trusting that somehow, I will get through the crap that lies ahead of me.
That lottery thing isn’t working out but it surely would help...how crazy is it that we actually have problems as minor as money issues that have such a hideous impact on our lives. It’s a shame. But, I can handle it, I’ve gotten this far and there’s no way that I could have survived all of the things that I did survive over the past couple of years just to find out that I have NOTHING to live for. I keep telling myself that there will be something happening in my life that will let me know why I am still here. I certainly hope so anyway.
I just got a phone call from a lady who needs me to work for her so I’m going to go and help her out...I absolutely can’t afford to refuse any opportunity that I have to earn money. This time of year, I usually worry about buying Christmas presents but I don’t even think that I can afford to have a Christmas this year because of all the fines that I have from my stupid driving mistakes and the bills that I was going to pay with the alimony that Rick never sent. Thank God I don’t have little kids, I can easily get by without having a Christmas this year.
I am as sure as I can be that one of these days, I am going to be in a position to enjoy holidays and vacations again. In the meantime, I’ll just trudge along, one day at a time. And...you never know, maybe Rick will have some epiphany of decency and realize what a bum he’s been and then he might actually send the alimony so that I can at least pay some of the bills. LOLOLOL...or maybe I’ll see a flying iguana in the sky above my house.
OK, sorry to leave so quickly...but I have to go earn some cash.
See ya! I’ll be back when I’ve earned as much cash as I possibly can.
Meg
PS After I wrote this, I had to leave immediately. I didn’t even have the time to post it. I just got home and when I did, I received a couple more emails from men that I found very interesting. Right now I have to run to the store to get myself some Popsicles. When I get back I’ll write something about the emails that I received today....I think that you will find them as interesting as I do.
posted by Meg Kelso | 2:03 PM
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