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Sunday, February 05, 2006

Dear Meg,

“...I do admit that lots of men see themselves as waaaaaaaaay better than they are, which is a pretty interesting phenomenon. Like the short, fat guy, with moderate income, and an abrasive personality that thinks he deserves the brains of Meg Whitman and the looks of Cindy Crawford. ...”

Well, that explains a lot. Women see themselves as less than they are and apparently, men see themselves as something more. I’m no Cindy Crawford, but I have been amazed at a few of the guys who are full of confidence that I cannot for the life of me justify.

Short, slow witted bald men seem to have the confidence that one would ordinarily associate with a Brad Pitt or Robert Redford. I’ve been downright offended by some of the derelicts who have hit on me. One guy looked like he had just been beaten up by four or five large dudes and yet he was a very persistent masher one evening when I was out with Melissa, a very good friend of mine in Virginia. She and I were trying to speak to each other and the funky dude kept on pushing himself in between us in attempts to gain our attention. All of the pleasant, “No thank you’s” did nothing to dissuade the icky man so I finally just said, “That thing on your face looks awfully contagious, would you mind keeping about 10 feet away from me?”

With men overestimating their own appeal and women underestimating theirs, it’s a wonder that more of us don’t end up with freaks from hell. All last year while I was doing the “date them once” thing, I was stunned at how confident the men were...middle age did nothing to lessen the confidence level, even though the hair was gone and the belly large. That hideous, misplaced confidence must have been what made them think that they could behave like an animal. There were many who tried to get a piece of ass on the first date, but there were two who took it to the extreme. One of them put my hand on “it” while another took “it” out.

Apparently, they figured that the mere suggestion of an erect penis would get me to forget that they were icky, icky men who I wouldn’t lay on my most hard up day. I’m pretty sure that those two committed a crime by doing what they did, but I didn’t call the cops...I just booked quickly and thanked the Lord that they didn’t know where I lived.

I may not be the most confident woman on the planet, but I am confident enough to know that I can snag a decent man so I just let the slugs slither away.

I have noticed something that I thought I should point out. Men who were at one time handsome...or at least very appealing for one reason or another, maintain the same standards they had when they were quite fetching even though time has ravaged all of their beautiful traits that attracted women twenty years ago. They still see the cutey pie when they look in the mirror. The rest of the world sees a middle aged bald man and that just doesn’t register with the ego of these guys who are still holding out for a drop dead gorgeous woman. Whatever. The people about whom I am speaking wouldn’t ever see themselves in this post so it’s more of an observation than anything else.

I spoke to one guy on the phone for a while before actually meeting him. He told me things like, “You’ll like what you’ll see.” and “I’m a pretty good looking guy.” When I met him, he turned out to be a toad like creature who I couldn’t imagine EVER being attractive enough to explain his confidence level. He honestly believed that he was handsome and quite the catch...but in reality, he was just another icky dude. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that, and I doubt it would have registered if I did. If you say something like that to an over confident icky dude, he will just call you a lesbian and then tell his friends that he “did” you.

I don’t know how these men become so confident and I guess it really doesn’t matter...it must work for them at some times or they wouldn’t keep doing it. So, that just makes me think that the woman that they meet are, indeed, thinking too less of themselves. I couldn’t imagine what type of woman would deserve that type of behavior on a date, but there must be some for whom it will work. As I’ve always said, if Elvis impersonators can get laid, than anyone can. All you have to do is lower your standards.

Well, it’s Sunday and I’m going to take a bath whether I need one or not so I’ll be back in a little bit.

See ya,

Meg

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