Everytime I start to whine about men...
...a woman pops up to remind me, once again, that men don't have the market cornered on asshole-dom. There's a woman who has written to Dear Abby who is trying to come up with reasons why she and her hubby should NOT have their son tested for genetic predispositions to illnesses. The woman is worried for a very good reason:
The horror I really have is that, 18 years ago, I made an awful mistake. I don't know if my husband is the father of our son. I'm having panic attacks about his finding out how awful I was 18 years ago.
So, this lying sack-O-shit betrayed to her husband a couple of decades ago and continues to do so to this day. We all make mistakes and can learn from them, but DAMN!!! How can this chick NOT have learned by now that lying is NOT the way to "win friends and influence people"?
On top of that, she is less concerned with the health of her son and his future family than she is with being found out by her husband. What trash.
Now, the entire family is about to explode because this selfish brat has everyone believing that the young man is the natural son of her husband.
If Abby really wanted to help this nut, she would have told her to get the husband into a counselor's office, maybe even their pastor's office or the home of a trusted family member and just come clean once and for all.
Living with a lie is so hard to do. I would think that for selfish reasons alone the woman would try to do the right thing and just get it over with. Her life would be a bit of a mess for a short time, but in the long run, she would be much happier and she might even learn the value of honesty.
A guy wrote to me yesterday asking me how to break up with his girlfriend. He didn't want me to use any of his e-mail on the blog because he was afraid that she might recognize his writing style. Apparently, he HAS tried to break up with her but it always ends up being a huge disaster with her crying and him caving. They haven't been together for a very long time and she's sort of acting all psycho on him.
The only advice that I can offer is this...meet her at Denny's and do the dumping there. I know that sounds sort of cruel, but if you've already made the decision to leave, all that's left is to find a way to pull that bandaid off.
When I had a guy who was tough to lose or that I thought might make a scene, I would have him meet me at Denny's, or some other 24 hour place that I knew would be open for as long as it took to get up the nerve to have the chat and then to actually have the chat itself. I suppose that any restaurant would work, as long as there are a bunch of people around. We would have to "meet" there, in separate cars so that I could leave alone and not leave the dude stranded.
Most people won't throw a fit in a restaurant. Of course, some will, but that just gives you a perfect reason to walk out, get in your car and drive away. Nobody would blame you for that. Anyway, after you've made your little speech, which you should have planned out in advance, you pay the bill and leave. The speech should be short and sweet and given after the meal. Let the person have their dinner first. It's not only nice, it cuts down on the things that they can throw at you. Actually, it's a good idea to wait until your table has been bussed to begin your discussion.
One VERY important thing to remember when you're dumping someone...don't get yourself into a position where hearing the question, "Why?" is an option. In your speech, you should have explained why you're doing this. Then, if they do start with the "why's", you can say, "I've explained it already, I'm not going over it again." Offer to send an e-mail if you have to, just don't get yourself caught up in a battle of why.
I hate the "why" BS. You can't win that one. For every answer that you give, you'll get 5 arguments in return. So, don't set up a "why" skirmish. As a matter of fact, don't answer anymore questions than you have to. Most of them are just set ups for another bicker battle. Even simple yes or no questions have the potential to be further problems. Once you answer a question yes or no, if you get sick of answering anymore questions and decide to refuse any further questioning, you could hear, "So, I've hit a nerve right? Why won't you answer THIS question?" The non-answer can be misinterpreted as an answer in itself and you can find yourself in a nasty predicament right there. Questions CAN be a bad thing...if asked during a break up. So, whatever you do...try to avoid answering anymore of them than you absolutely have to.
By the way, you should tip the waitress well and be very nice to her so that she doesn't think that you're a total jack ass. Besides, if she's cute, you may want to return alone. Now she knows that you're available. In general, this entire endeavor should be approached in a very kind manner for a lot of reasons. I know that a lot of men, Rick included, seem to think that you have to turn into a beast from hell when you are ending a relationship, but that is NOT mandatory. Nor is it mandatory that you blame it all on the other person. That might make you feel better about things temporarily, but in the long run...it's not even a good thing for YOU to do and it sure as hell doesn't make things any easier for the dumpee. That entire concept is, in itself, material for another post and sooner or later I'll probably address it.
But for now, just consider what I've just said. I'm sure that this is not the perfect solution and that people could come up with better ways to go about dumping a person. But, it's the best way that I've come up with so far and it's served me in good stead (whatever the heck that means).
OK...I have a job interview soon so I'm going to get ready to go get that out of the way. So, have a good afternoon and I'll be back later!
Meg
...a woman pops up to remind me, once again, that men don't have the market cornered on asshole-dom. There's a woman who has written to Dear Abby who is trying to come up with reasons why she and her hubby should NOT have their son tested for genetic predispositions to illnesses. The woman is worried for a very good reason:
The horror I really have is that, 18 years ago, I made an awful mistake. I don't know if my husband is the father of our son. I'm having panic attacks about his finding out how awful I was 18 years ago.
So, this lying sack-O-shit betrayed to her husband a couple of decades ago and continues to do so to this day. We all make mistakes and can learn from them, but DAMN!!! How can this chick NOT have learned by now that lying is NOT the way to "win friends and influence people"?
On top of that, she is less concerned with the health of her son and his future family than she is with being found out by her husband. What trash.
Now, the entire family is about to explode because this selfish brat has everyone believing that the young man is the natural son of her husband.
If Abby really wanted to help this nut, she would have told her to get the husband into a counselor's office, maybe even their pastor's office or the home of a trusted family member and just come clean once and for all.
Living with a lie is so hard to do. I would think that for selfish reasons alone the woman would try to do the right thing and just get it over with. Her life would be a bit of a mess for a short time, but in the long run, she would be much happier and she might even learn the value of honesty.
A guy wrote to me yesterday asking me how to break up with his girlfriend. He didn't want me to use any of his e-mail on the blog because he was afraid that she might recognize his writing style. Apparently, he HAS tried to break up with her but it always ends up being a huge disaster with her crying and him caving. They haven't been together for a very long time and she's sort of acting all psycho on him.
The only advice that I can offer is this...meet her at Denny's and do the dumping there. I know that sounds sort of cruel, but if you've already made the decision to leave, all that's left is to find a way to pull that bandaid off.
When I had a guy who was tough to lose or that I thought might make a scene, I would have him meet me at Denny's, or some other 24 hour place that I knew would be open for as long as it took to get up the nerve to have the chat and then to actually have the chat itself. I suppose that any restaurant would work, as long as there are a bunch of people around. We would have to "meet" there, in separate cars so that I could leave alone and not leave the dude stranded.
Most people won't throw a fit in a restaurant. Of course, some will, but that just gives you a perfect reason to walk out, get in your car and drive away. Nobody would blame you for that. Anyway, after you've made your little speech, which you should have planned out in advance, you pay the bill and leave. The speech should be short and sweet and given after the meal. Let the person have their dinner first. It's not only nice, it cuts down on the things that they can throw at you. Actually, it's a good idea to wait until your table has been bussed to begin your discussion.
One VERY important thing to remember when you're dumping someone...don't get yourself into a position where hearing the question, "Why?" is an option. In your speech, you should have explained why you're doing this. Then, if they do start with the "why's", you can say, "I've explained it already, I'm not going over it again." Offer to send an e-mail if you have to, just don't get yourself caught up in a battle of why.
I hate the "why" BS. You can't win that one. For every answer that you give, you'll get 5 arguments in return. So, don't set up a "why" skirmish. As a matter of fact, don't answer anymore questions than you have to. Most of them are just set ups for another bicker battle. Even simple yes or no questions have the potential to be further problems. Once you answer a question yes or no, if you get sick of answering anymore questions and decide to refuse any further questioning, you could hear, "So, I've hit a nerve right? Why won't you answer THIS question?" The non-answer can be misinterpreted as an answer in itself and you can find yourself in a nasty predicament right there. Questions CAN be a bad thing...if asked during a break up. So, whatever you do...try to avoid answering anymore of them than you absolutely have to.
By the way, you should tip the waitress well and be very nice to her so that she doesn't think that you're a total jack ass. Besides, if she's cute, you may want to return alone. Now she knows that you're available. In general, this entire endeavor should be approached in a very kind manner for a lot of reasons. I know that a lot of men, Rick included, seem to think that you have to turn into a beast from hell when you are ending a relationship, but that is NOT mandatory. Nor is it mandatory that you blame it all on the other person. That might make you feel better about things temporarily, but in the long run...it's not even a good thing for YOU to do and it sure as hell doesn't make things any easier for the dumpee. That entire concept is, in itself, material for another post and sooner or later I'll probably address it.
But for now, just consider what I've just said. I'm sure that this is not the perfect solution and that people could come up with better ways to go about dumping a person. But, it's the best way that I've come up with so far and it's served me in good stead (whatever the heck that means).
OK...I have a job interview soon so I'm going to get ready to go get that out of the way. So, have a good afternoon and I'll be back later!
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 10:15 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home