Yes!!!!
It's NOT "all in my head"!!!!! Whilst reading blogs, I came upon one that I've visited before: http://findingmyway1.blogspot.com/ and I found this sentence:
"When you are married to a liar, your antenna is always up. You are always suspicious and distrustful."
I was soooo happy to see that. For a while now I've been pretty hard on myself over the divorce. I wondered if my "suspicious and distrustful" self pushed Rick away.
You see, after a while, people tend to forget the bad things that have been done to them. Rick treated me CRAPPILY and I was actually blaming myself lately...especially considering how sweet he's been since my trip to the slammer. I don't intend to be nasty to him now...it's been too long. BUT...it does make me feel good to hear another person say what I've felt for years.
A very long time ago, I found a phone number that Rick had hidden. I questioned him about it and naturally, he had some lame story about who's number it was. I eventually called it and a man answered. I was baffled. I knew he was lying, but I couldn't figure out exactly what he was lying about or what that phone number was.
He was also treating me pretty badly then (as he usually did when he was cheating) and at some point I said to him, "You're driving me crazy with these lies!" He responded, "You're doing it to yourself." I believed him and I allowed my self-esteem to suffer as a result.
Then, one day he was sitting on the couch chatting away on the telephone and all of a sudden it hit me...I had the wrong area code. We were living in Roanoke, Virginia then and our area code was 540. He worked for Montgomery Wards and sometimes he worked in Lynchburg, a town about 45 miles away. The area code there was different. And, as you know if you've been reading this for any length of time, Rick likes to screw women that he works with.
Anyway, I said, "Oh! I get it now...I had the wrong area code!"
He knew exactly what I meant. His chest rose up as he was speaking to his boss (at least I think it was his boss, who the heck knows?) and I could tell that he KNEW he was busted right then. Later, I called that number and I was right, he was screwing some NASTY bimbo named Noreen. OMG, she was hideous. I saw her one day...she had long stringy, greasy hair and she was wearing a Heidi-like black dress with a bib thing and a dirty white shirt under it. On her feet were gold lame shoes which I'm sure she thought were simply the cat's meow. Well, all that glitters ain't necessarily stylish and this wench was pure white trash.
I pointed that all out to Rick and he said, "You know, now that you mention it, you're right...she is pretty nasty." Perhaps one should actually LOOK at what they're screwing. It just may be that with any degree of scrutiny, you might find that the wench who behaves like trash...is trash.
The last I heard she was pregnant and living in upstate New York with some other poor schmuck named Pat who worked at Wards. If Rick had kept bopping that bimbo, he could have been the daddy of one butt ugly kid. She was pregnant so quickly after they broke up that it was pretty obvious she was trying to find a "baby's daddy". It was also obvious that she wasn't any more concerned by whom she became pregnant than my husband was with where he parked his rod.
When he was nailing Gail Glenn, he fed me that same line of BS...I'm doing it to myself and I need psychiatric help with my "trust issues". I actually DID try to get help with my "issues" but they never found anything wrong with me. Rather, they said that we needed marital counseling. Rick went once with me and once by himself. It was all a joke by that point, he was on his way to that trailer park in Kennesaw and there wasn't a damn thing that I could do to stop him.
Anyway, my point is that the line that I read in the other blog just re-enforced what I already knew in my heart...liars will take a sane person and make them do insane things. It wasn't "me doing it to myself"...it was a natural reaction to being lied to for years.
I've been with a few other men since Rick and I divorced (not in the biblical sense) and I haven't behaved at all jealously nor have I been distrustful. I've actually been acting like I did before Rick turned me into a pathetic, mistrustful wife. It was NEVER me in the first place.
OK...I feel better.
Cool.
I can go to bed now.
Meg
It's NOT "all in my head"!!!!! Whilst reading blogs, I came upon one that I've visited before: http://findingmyway1.blogspot.com/ and I found this sentence:
"When you are married to a liar, your antenna is always up. You are always suspicious and distrustful."
I was soooo happy to see that. For a while now I've been pretty hard on myself over the divorce. I wondered if my "suspicious and distrustful" self pushed Rick away.
You see, after a while, people tend to forget the bad things that have been done to them. Rick treated me CRAPPILY and I was actually blaming myself lately...especially considering how sweet he's been since my trip to the slammer. I don't intend to be nasty to him now...it's been too long. BUT...it does make me feel good to hear another person say what I've felt for years.
A very long time ago, I found a phone number that Rick had hidden. I questioned him about it and naturally, he had some lame story about who's number it was. I eventually called it and a man answered. I was baffled. I knew he was lying, but I couldn't figure out exactly what he was lying about or what that phone number was.
He was also treating me pretty badly then (as he usually did when he was cheating) and at some point I said to him, "You're driving me crazy with these lies!" He responded, "You're doing it to yourself." I believed him and I allowed my self-esteem to suffer as a result.
Then, one day he was sitting on the couch chatting away on the telephone and all of a sudden it hit me...I had the wrong area code. We were living in Roanoke, Virginia then and our area code was 540. He worked for Montgomery Wards and sometimes he worked in Lynchburg, a town about 45 miles away. The area code there was different. And, as you know if you've been reading this for any length of time, Rick likes to screw women that he works with.
Anyway, I said, "Oh! I get it now...I had the wrong area code!"
He knew exactly what I meant. His chest rose up as he was speaking to his boss (at least I think it was his boss, who the heck knows?) and I could tell that he KNEW he was busted right then. Later, I called that number and I was right, he was screwing some NASTY bimbo named Noreen. OMG, she was hideous. I saw her one day...she had long stringy, greasy hair and she was wearing a Heidi-like black dress with a bib thing and a dirty white shirt under it. On her feet were gold lame shoes which I'm sure she thought were simply the cat's meow. Well, all that glitters ain't necessarily stylish and this wench was pure white trash.
I pointed that all out to Rick and he said, "You know, now that you mention it, you're right...she is pretty nasty." Perhaps one should actually LOOK at what they're screwing. It just may be that with any degree of scrutiny, you might find that the wench who behaves like trash...is trash.
The last I heard she was pregnant and living in upstate New York with some other poor schmuck named Pat who worked at Wards. If Rick had kept bopping that bimbo, he could have been the daddy of one butt ugly kid. She was pregnant so quickly after they broke up that it was pretty obvious she was trying to find a "baby's daddy". It was also obvious that she wasn't any more concerned by whom she became pregnant than my husband was with where he parked his rod.
When he was nailing Gail Glenn, he fed me that same line of BS...I'm doing it to myself and I need psychiatric help with my "trust issues". I actually DID try to get help with my "issues" but they never found anything wrong with me. Rather, they said that we needed marital counseling. Rick went once with me and once by himself. It was all a joke by that point, he was on his way to that trailer park in Kennesaw and there wasn't a damn thing that I could do to stop him.
Anyway, my point is that the line that I read in the other blog just re-enforced what I already knew in my heart...liars will take a sane person and make them do insane things. It wasn't "me doing it to myself"...it was a natural reaction to being lied to for years.
I've been with a few other men since Rick and I divorced (not in the biblical sense) and I haven't behaved at all jealously nor have I been distrustful. I've actually been acting like I did before Rick turned me into a pathetic, mistrustful wife. It was NEVER me in the first place.
OK...I feel better.
Cool.
I can go to bed now.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 5:49 PM
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