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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Good...Afternoon (Guess I slept late again)...

I'd like to address a couple of the comments down below for a moment. One lady mentioned that I should be able to take any medications that I have a prescription for and she's right, I should. Another said that I should ask the PO first and I think I will unless I start to feel really bad.

First, as to the lady who asked why I needed them in the first place, the summer that Rick had his last affair (which I think had been going on for a LOT longer than I ever suspected), I had cancer. I felt so bad, the only way I can describe it is "yucky". I thought it was leftover yuckiness from the cancer I had gone through the year before. But by the spring, I started feeling REALLY badly. I ended up in the emergency room with kidney stones and the ER doc listened to the other symptoms, like the loss of appetite, energy, weight and all of the bone pain. He said that with the kidney stones, it all sounded like there was something going on with my parathyroid gland.

The THYROID gland is a butterfly shaped organ in your throat and in each "wing" of that gland, there is one small parathyroid gland. The parathyroids regulate the calcium/phosphorus levels in your blood.

After the kidney stone (caused by too much calcium), they knew there had to be a problem there. So, they began a battery of tests including nuclear medicine scans of the parathyroid, all which showed nothing. I was losing so much weight and feeling so rotten that they put me in the hospital. That's when Rick decided to go on vacation to Montana.

Anyway, they knew that there had to be something there so they finally just decided to go in and look. Those are very small glands and therefore, the tumors were very small as well and didn't show up on any of the tests. But, when they went in, they found one and took it out. That was in June.

I got out of the hospital Saturday, June 25th or 26th (of 2004) and Rick was treating me like crap because he had to come back from Montana because of the surgery. By Sunday, it got so bad that I said, "If I didn't know any better, I'd think that you didn't love me." He said, "I don't."

Anyway, throughout the summer I got sicker and he got meaner. He was arrested twice for battery and I finally got a restraining order in September and filed for divorce in October.

So, about the cancer, I asked the doctor if my other cancer had spread. When I had it the first time, they gave me a 50/50 chance of survival. I came through it just fine. But, the doctor said that this was a NEW cancer, not a spread of the old one. Once again, they gave me a 50/50 chance of survival. I had spent so much time feeling bad and trying to survive that I didn't notice the affair until it had gotten to the point that I couldn't ignore it. Gail Glenn ( a "woman" who gives the term trailer trash a bad name) was calling my house and when I went to Chicago to visit my daughter for what I thought might be the last time, he had her in my bed.

The cancer itself wasn't the worst part, the worst part was the hypercalcemia (too much calcium in your blood). That caused hideous bone pain, the kidney stones and the yucky feeling. I've spoken to other people who had the same thing and they, too, said, "How else do you explain it but YUCKY?" It was a dreadful feeling. The docs told me that the calcium loss would cause bone pain and it would also inflame any orthopedic injury that I had ever had and it did. I felt the sprained ankle I had gotten in 1975 as though it happened that day. I also broke my back in a car accident in 1983 which is as bad today as it was back then. They told me that they pain would last for years and they weren't kidding.

Two years later and it still hurts so bad that I take all of these medications. I had two normal calcium levels this year which made me think that I was getting over it all but over the last few weeks, I've started feeling yucky again and losing weight. I had lost 80 pounds, gained 20 back and now I've lost another 10. I must say, at first, I didn't mind, who would mind losing some weight?

When I would complain about it to other women, they would be all, "Oh, poor baby, has to LOSE weight!" But I hated it and couldn't gain an ounce to save my life. I went from a size 14 to a size 0. Right now I'm wearing a size 4 pair of jeans and I do not want to wear those 2's or 0's again.

Which brings me back to the Marinol. When the doctor saw that I was losing weight again, he drew some more blood and I'll know the results soon. But he also prescribed me the Marinol. Of course, with a prescription, I can take it but the problem is, when I do test positive for pot, they will probably put me in jail until a lab can verify that I'm taking that and not smoking pot. I really, really don't want to go back to jail.

Last February, a guy asked me out to dinner (at a really nice restaurant) and I told him that it would be a waste of his money because I had no appetite and wouldn't be able to eat. It just so happened that I had recently written an article about medicinal marijuana, so he knew that I was for it. That caused him to feel comfortable enough with me to say, "I have some pot, why don't you smoke some of that?" So, I did.

Rick left me in such bad shape financially that I still haven't recovered. At one point, I asked him if he couldn't just stay in another bedroom and help me until I could go back to work but he couldn't do that. I've been doing whatever I could to pay the bills and I certainly didn't have the $200 that I was supposed to give the PO on Tuesday so Monday morning, I called her to ask her what I was supposed to do. She said to wait for a few minutes while she made some phone calls and within 5 minutes, she was at my door with a cop. They looked at all of my medications and she decided to drug test me, saying she thought I was "high". That was bullshit, I wasn't high, I was just crying because of all of the problems that I was having. Sometimes it just gets to me and I break down a bit. I had totally forgotten about the pot and didn't even think about it until she said that I was positive for it. That's when they put me in jail for violation of my probation. I don't ever want to go back, it was awful. The other prisoners were really pretty nice, they even took care of me when I was sick. But, the jail workers were major assholes. When I got really sick one day, some of the other prisoners were trying to get me help and a guard actually said, "She looks like she's done too much meth." I've never even seen meth and don't know what it is. But, that's the attitude of those power hungry maniacs. There was a nice one here or there, but so few that I remember them well. Anyway, if I did go back to jail, I'm afraid that I would lose my home and everything else before I got out.

OK, to the guy who asked about the other guy that I'm dating, he's still there, I haven't told anyone that I would be exclusive, to the contrary, I went out of my way to say that I'm not in the market for an exclusive relationship. But, Biff is so nice and he seems to like me so much that I'm re-thinking that one. So, stay tuned, you'll know when I do!

And to Tom, sure you can shamelessly plug your work! I don't mind at all. I love to write and I love to do what ever I can to help spread the work of other writers. I think that it's a dieing art and so few people are actually able to do it properly. I was raised by a father who STILL corrects my grammar (I even get to correct his every so often now!) so writing and speaking properly are very important to me.

I began this blog the January after Rick left and it has helped me in times when there wasn't a soul around for me to talk to. When I had comments at first, there were some people who commented everyday and they were my only friends at the time. I've met so many people through this thing, online and in real life. One of my two best friends in Georgia is a lady that I met through this thing. (Hi Ann!) Anyone who has a blog or a web site and would like to post it here is more than welcome to. Just go ahead and post a comment with a link to it. Or, if you'd prefer, email me at megbkelso@gmail.com and I'll put it up with my other links.

As I said, this thing has really helped me in so many ways. When I put the button up there for donations, I expected a bunch of people to throw a couple of bucks each in it but instead, a few people have tossed a LOT of money in it. There have been months that it has paid my electric bill and one guy single handedly paid for my medicines that month. (Hi San Mateo!) There is a guy who read a post back around the holidays that I wrote when I was very depressed and he drove for hours to come down here and spend New Year's Eve with me! Whether it was money or friendship, I've truly found what I need in this blog. Even just hearing someone tell me that I inspired them to write their own blog makes me feel good. More Juice, the guy who wrote the poems, sort of seconded what I mean with his comment. There have been weeks on end that I've been sitting here in this house alone, wondering why in the world God let me survive the cancer just to waste away to nothing. But, life has a way of working out and if you hang around long enough, you'll get what you deserve, good or bad. I may be as broke as hell, but I'm certainly rich with people who care about me. And that's what really matters in this world, isn't it?



Blogger Anne Arky said...

Hey, Meggers.

I wrote this earlier and either it got lost in cyberspace or censored, so I'll try again.

Talk to your doctor about the situation you are in, and ask if there is another appetite enhancing drug he can give you. I know that steroids, particularly prednezone, make me hungry enough (to quote my dad) to eat the side out of a running buffalo, and I wouldn't consider staying on them for long for the other harm they could do, but as a temporary measure, it might help. Either way, CYA, right?


June 16, 2006  
Blogger Meg said...

Hey girl!

Predisone has so many rotten side effects that I'd be afraid fo them. And besides, who am I to disagree with a doctor who wants to give me legal weed? LOLOLOL.

And yeah, I hope to see you real soon!


June 16, 2006  
Blogger Meg said...

By the way, you didn't get lost in cyberspace, I have the moderation tool on this thing so that I CAN allow comments. I don't know if you remember it or not, Ann, but last June those whackos at Cruel started screwing with the blog and that's when I had to stop them. The only way to safely allow the comments was to access the moderation thing so the comments don't pop up until I approve them. And, like you may have read, I slept late today. I didn't fall asleep until after 5 am so I didn't wake up until 11. I approved your comment, and ALL of them so far, because I think just having the moderation ability has put the kibash on the nuts, they haven't sent the first comment. I imagine they will sooner or later, but for now, they're keeping themselves on their own leash or they haven't even gotten here to see that they could comment. So, none of them will show up immediately like they used to.


June 16, 2006  

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