Guess what?!
My father is taking his ex wife to Europe and they're driving up here to fly out of Atlanta's airport this weekend. That means that I have until sometime at the end of this week to clean my house. And I don't just mean straighten stuff up and toss shit under beds...I MEAN I HAVE TO HAVE THIS PLACE WHITE GLOVE CLEAN!
I adore my father but a bigger pain in the ass, I do not know. He once came to my house with 4 of my siblings, 2 of whom had dates, a bunch of cleaning supplies and they all converged upon my dirty house and cleaned it for me. I wanted to hit them all with large wood planks. It was the first time Rick had left me and I was sick that time too. Not really sick, but I had a broken leg and was on crutches. I was too upset to care about the house...I just waited until a "decent" hour and drank myself silly. That was 20 years ago and I still haven't forgiven them for that. So, I am not giving him another chance to find my house dirty!
Last night I stayed up until 4 am cleaning the baseboards and the air intake grills (or whatever you call them). I scrubbed toilets and bathtubs and dusted things all over the place. I'm saving his room for last.
I cooked a bunch of meals and froze them so that I can serve decent food without having to spend all daymaking more messes in the kitchen. Now I can just defrost the meals and serve them amazing dinners without cooking all day. I will look like Martha what's her name only not quite as imaginative.
Falling asleep at 4 am will have you sleeping until noon, which I did. Now I have to run a few errands and then begin cleaning again. I cleaned for hours yesterday and my house wasn't really even dirty. I can clean non-stop until he gets here and it still won't be clean enough for him. He will find the one thing that I missed and ask me if I need a maid. Then, he'll offer to pay for the maid and I'll want to smack him.
I don't know how he does it, he never says, "Oh my, your house is lovely!" He will say, "If you had time to clean the woodboards, why couldn't you have cleaned the fans?" Then, I'll go stark raving mad. So, I've been whining about the gutters for weeks, now I have to find a way to get on my house and empty the suckers myself. I'll also have to take a day and trim my hedges.
And then, while he's traipsing around Europe, I'll be doing it all again so that the house is spic and span before he gets back. So, I can't do anything fun this week because I must clean something. That's what I said to my son when I found out Dad was coming....I said, "My father's coming! Clean something!" He asked, "What should I clean?" and I said, "I don't care....find something and clean it! Anything! Everything!"
I get that same feeling that I would get when I was a kid and we heard dad's car in the driveway. "Turn off the TV and pick up a broom!" We scattered like cockroaches...each off to a different room so that he couldn't catch us all. Even Dad couldn't remember to yell at all 6 of us. If someone was lucky, they might escape his wrath.
If he got mad and there wasn't a mess to clean up, he would give us each a wall to wash. That man came straight from the planet where they said, "Children are to be seen and not heard." And here I am, a grandmother, and I still get that sick feeling that I got when I would be watching the Flintstones and heard Dad's car engine cut off outside.
That man will live forever and I'll be 68 years old and hear him coming and I'll grab my cane and wash the dishes and sweep the floor. Of that, I am sure!
OK, I have to go clean something...of course, because of the last post, I don't know what I'll do with my son's room, but that's not my fault.
I'll be back when I take a break from cleaning! have a good one!
Meg
My father is taking his ex wife to Europe and they're driving up here to fly out of Atlanta's airport this weekend. That means that I have until sometime at the end of this week to clean my house. And I don't just mean straighten stuff up and toss shit under beds...I MEAN I HAVE TO HAVE THIS PLACE WHITE GLOVE CLEAN!
I adore my father but a bigger pain in the ass, I do not know. He once came to my house with 4 of my siblings, 2 of whom had dates, a bunch of cleaning supplies and they all converged upon my dirty house and cleaned it for me. I wanted to hit them all with large wood planks. It was the first time Rick had left me and I was sick that time too. Not really sick, but I had a broken leg and was on crutches. I was too upset to care about the house...I just waited until a "decent" hour and drank myself silly. That was 20 years ago and I still haven't forgiven them for that. So, I am not giving him another chance to find my house dirty!
Last night I stayed up until 4 am cleaning the baseboards and the air intake grills (or whatever you call them). I scrubbed toilets and bathtubs and dusted things all over the place. I'm saving his room for last.
I cooked a bunch of meals and froze them so that I can serve decent food without having to spend all daymaking more messes in the kitchen. Now I can just defrost the meals and serve them amazing dinners without cooking all day. I will look like Martha what's her name only not quite as imaginative.
Falling asleep at 4 am will have you sleeping until noon, which I did. Now I have to run a few errands and then begin cleaning again. I cleaned for hours yesterday and my house wasn't really even dirty. I can clean non-stop until he gets here and it still won't be clean enough for him. He will find the one thing that I missed and ask me if I need a maid. Then, he'll offer to pay for the maid and I'll want to smack him.
I don't know how he does it, he never says, "Oh my, your house is lovely!" He will say, "If you had time to clean the woodboards, why couldn't you have cleaned the fans?" Then, I'll go stark raving mad. So, I've been whining about the gutters for weeks, now I have to find a way to get on my house and empty the suckers myself. I'll also have to take a day and trim my hedges.
And then, while he's traipsing around Europe, I'll be doing it all again so that the house is spic and span before he gets back. So, I can't do anything fun this week because I must clean something. That's what I said to my son when I found out Dad was coming....I said, "My father's coming! Clean something!" He asked, "What should I clean?" and I said, "I don't care....find something and clean it! Anything! Everything!"
I get that same feeling that I would get when I was a kid and we heard dad's car in the driveway. "Turn off the TV and pick up a broom!" We scattered like cockroaches...each off to a different room so that he couldn't catch us all. Even Dad couldn't remember to yell at all 6 of us. If someone was lucky, they might escape his wrath.
If he got mad and there wasn't a mess to clean up, he would give us each a wall to wash. That man came straight from the planet where they said, "Children are to be seen and not heard." And here I am, a grandmother, and I still get that sick feeling that I got when I would be watching the Flintstones and heard Dad's car engine cut off outside.
That man will live forever and I'll be 68 years old and hear him coming and I'll grab my cane and wash the dishes and sweep the floor. Of that, I am sure!
OK, I have to go clean something...of course, because of the last post, I don't know what I'll do with my son's room, but that's not my fault.
I'll be back when I take a break from cleaning! have a good one!
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 10:21 AM
2 Comments:
My crazy mother is like that. She can't come into my house without cleaning something, even if I've just cleaned it. Granted, June Cleaver I'm not...but still, it's my house. Sometimes I'll tell her she's welcome to come over, but I don't want to hear a word about how my house looks, nor do I want to hear it from my father, sister, sister in law, brother or hairdresser that she left here and bitched about it. When she makes comments about how something is, I just tell her "Well, then it's a good damned thing that you don't have to live here, isn't it?"
The thing that frustrates me the most is that my house isn't a pig sty. It's not dirty at all. Sometimes it's just messy. I have a 4 year old who doesn't always understand the finer points of cleaning up after yourself immediately. Big effin deal.
Ok, that long winded comment was just to make the point that I used to do what you do...freak out and clean like a mad woman. Now, not so much. It's my house, and if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to come over.
I hear ya. And, you're right. I should be able to tell him to leave if he doesn't like it. But, as much of a bitch as I can be at times, when it comes to my father, no matter how old I get, I"m still worried that he might take off his belt. LOLOLOL...actually, it's more a matter of pride, I dare him to find filth.
OK, back to cleaning like a mad woman!
Meg
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