I found this on another blog:
"...When I got home I sent my ex this email.
You have to end the charade and tell me the truth. I already know. So it shouldn't matter but it does. You telling me the truth is going to hurt so bad. But I have to know. Then maybe I can just be in pain for a little while then get over it and move on. This charade you are playing is eating me alive. I can't take IT. I feel like I am going to explode.
TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME THE FUCKING TRUTH!!!! FOR ONE GOD DAMN TIME!
http://www.goingthroughdivorce.blogspot.com/
So it isn't just ME!!!! I've often wondered why I've felt the need to hear the truth from Rick...even such a long time after the death of our marriage. I KNOW the truth, I knew it before he left. I had known it for years. Before I wanted to believe it, I knew it. The proof was everywhere I looked. But, like the man who wrote this e-mail...I still need to hear it from Rick.
I've pretty much accepted the fact that I probably won't ever hear the truth from him...but I know that the only thing that could possibly ease the leftover pain would be just that...the truth...from HIM!
Rick used to say that he lied because he didn't want me to get angry. Well, maybe I would have gotten angry and maybe I wouldn't have. But, I have that right. So, I get angry and then sooner or later I get over it. Telling the truth may be tough at the time...but in the long run, it's most certainly the easiest thing to do. When you're honest in all of your dealings, some people may choose not to be around you. That's their right. But, if you make a habit of telling the truth, you end up surrounded by people who accept you for exactly what you are. Then, you have no reason to lie anymore. So, let people get angry if they must...life is easier in the long run.
A coward will never be able to tell the truth and that's a shame. So I know that Rick won't be able to be honest with me. But, that knowledge doesn't take away my need to hear the truth. If Rick ever found his testicles and finally answered all of the questions that I have, it might make me hurt, angry or even devastated.
But guess what?
I'm already hurt, angry and devstated.
At least I'd be hurt, angry and devastated with the truth instead of all of the scenarios that have been going through my mind over the years.
I don't know why I still need the truth from my ex...but like the man who wrote the e-mail...I do. I don't understand why that's so tough for Rick...he knows that I know most of the truth already. I know he knows that...so what's the problem? It has nothing to do with me having "feelings" for Rick...I could be madly in love with someone else but I would still need the truth from him. I don't get it and I don't think that it's really important why I feel that way. When a fireman arrives at a house that's on fire...they don't sit around discussing how the fire started...they just put the damn thing out. So, whatever the reason is that I need honesty from Rick...I do.
I'm glad to see that there are others who feel the same way that I do. Rick is the only "fireman" who can put out the fire that causes my endless pain. But to other people who understand the need to hear the truth...perhaps you have a clue...why do we need to hear the truth from the person who lied to us even after we've figured the truth out on our own? Maybe if I understood that...I could find a way to live my life without the one thing that I need the most...a sincere explanation from the person who devastated me with his inability to tell me the truth.
Meg
"...When I got home I sent my ex this email.
You have to end the charade and tell me the truth. I already know. So it shouldn't matter but it does. You telling me the truth is going to hurt so bad. But I have to know. Then maybe I can just be in pain for a little while then get over it and move on. This charade you are playing is eating me alive. I can't take IT. I feel like I am going to explode.
TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME THE FUCKING TRUTH!!!! FOR ONE GOD DAMN TIME!
http://www.goingthroughdivorce.blogspot.com/
So it isn't just ME!!!! I've often wondered why I've felt the need to hear the truth from Rick...even such a long time after the death of our marriage. I KNOW the truth, I knew it before he left. I had known it for years. Before I wanted to believe it, I knew it. The proof was everywhere I looked. But, like the man who wrote this e-mail...I still need to hear it from Rick.
I've pretty much accepted the fact that I probably won't ever hear the truth from him...but I know that the only thing that could possibly ease the leftover pain would be just that...the truth...from HIM!
Rick used to say that he lied because he didn't want me to get angry. Well, maybe I would have gotten angry and maybe I wouldn't have. But, I have that right. So, I get angry and then sooner or later I get over it. Telling the truth may be tough at the time...but in the long run, it's most certainly the easiest thing to do. When you're honest in all of your dealings, some people may choose not to be around you. That's their right. But, if you make a habit of telling the truth, you end up surrounded by people who accept you for exactly what you are. Then, you have no reason to lie anymore. So, let people get angry if they must...life is easier in the long run.
A coward will never be able to tell the truth and that's a shame. So I know that Rick won't be able to be honest with me. But, that knowledge doesn't take away my need to hear the truth. If Rick ever found his testicles and finally answered all of the questions that I have, it might make me hurt, angry or even devastated.
But guess what?
I'm already hurt, angry and devstated.
At least I'd be hurt, angry and devastated with the truth instead of all of the scenarios that have been going through my mind over the years.
I don't know why I still need the truth from my ex...but like the man who wrote the e-mail...I do. I don't understand why that's so tough for Rick...he knows that I know most of the truth already. I know he knows that...so what's the problem? It has nothing to do with me having "feelings" for Rick...I could be madly in love with someone else but I would still need the truth from him. I don't get it and I don't think that it's really important why I feel that way. When a fireman arrives at a house that's on fire...they don't sit around discussing how the fire started...they just put the damn thing out. So, whatever the reason is that I need honesty from Rick...I do.
I'm glad to see that there are others who feel the same way that I do. Rick is the only "fireman" who can put out the fire that causes my endless pain. But to other people who understand the need to hear the truth...perhaps you have a clue...why do we need to hear the truth from the person who lied to us even after we've figured the truth out on our own? Maybe if I understood that...I could find a way to live my life without the one thing that I need the most...a sincere explanation from the person who devastated me with his inability to tell me the truth.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 4:47 AM
7 Comments:
I read that person's blog, too, Meg and he was SO screwed over. Seems like a decent guy, too. When I was cheated on I didn't ever wonder "why". Perhaps because I didn't want to absorb any more pain in case he chose to blame me for him doing so. I'm not the type to deflect and when I've done something wrong, I'll beat the crowd to the podium to say that I did. But I won't own his bad behaviour. For any reason. I think that's liberating. Would knowing the truth be liberating?
I don't want to hear the "why" of it...that would be senseless. I want to hear the facts of the situation. I want to know what happened. I want to know when it began. I want to know where I was when the cheating was occuring. I want to know where I was when he porked her in our bed. Those are the types of things that I want to know. It isn't as though any of those things actually matter at this point...I just want the man to be honest with me...one time. Just once...that's all...not too much to give the person with whom you've spent a quarter of a century...'ey?
Meg
Hi Meg and thanks for paying me a visit and yeah, granddaughters are the best. Be a lot better if mine didn't live in Washington State. I love your blog, I've been reading it a long time and feel like I know you personally! Hope you have a good day.
ahhh :) NOW I get it :)
I re-read this comment when I saw that Rick had read this post...I wanted to see what I had said about him that he had read. I noticed something in this comment that I missed the first tme. So to address that point:
YES!!!! The truth would be extremely liberating to hear!!!! And yes, it's even liberating to the person doing the lying. (Rick...I promise, it would be!)
The phrase, "The truth will set you free" is so well known because it's SO TRUE!!!!
I tried to get the person (drug addict) that I spoke of earlier to be honest with her father the other day. I BEGGED her to tell the truth...for HER OWN SAKE!!! It didn't work.
Telling the truth to a friend when I had a drinking problem over 20 years ago and having my friend remain my friend taught me that telling the truth was the best thing to do. It's one of the most important lessons that I've ever learned in my entire life. I wish that I could get a few other people that I know to try it.
Meg
How interesting that you mention both drug addicts and cheaters on the same post, as they both have a lot in common. I read that the effects of an affair on the brain are similar to those of drug usage - something that has to do with "brain endorphins".
So, it's not surprising that they both would behave the same way - lying to those around them, so that they can either continue their fix, or hide their embarrassment. I'm sure it's one of the two or both!
Hey girl...
You are so very correct. There are 2 pre-requisites to being a drug addict or a cheater.
First, one must be an excellent liar. Secondly, they must be a master manipulator. Without these two skills, a person is unable to be either of those things for any length of time!
Meg
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