Yesterday I went to...
...Wal-Mart. I was looking for something stupid called Silly Bandz. If you are "in the know", you are aware of those ridiculous things that little girls MUST HAVE. They are rubber bands in the shapes of many stupid things that become plain old rubber bands when used for their intended purpose which is to wear on the wrist.
Silly Bandz are the Pet Rocks of today with one exception...you could leave your stupid rock at home and therefore keep your inane purchase a secret. To experience the thrill of Silly Bandz, one must wear them out in public to let everyone know that they have spent hard earned cash on rubber bands.
I wandered around Wal-Mart like an idiot trying to figure out which of the numerous colored rubber bands were the right ones to buy for a little girl. As with any other popular fad, there are many knock offs and I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to get Googly Bands, Disney Bands or the only one that made a lick of sense, Gummy Bands. At least you could stick the last bands in your mouth and chew them, the others were simply fancy rubber bands that you pay 5 bucks for. Had it not been a birthday, I would have never considered making such a purchase.
As I wandered, confused and baffled, throughout the store, I finally saw a little girl about the right age for Silly Bandz. I asked her, "Do you know what Silly Bandz are?" She immediately pulled up her sleeve and exposed a wrist which was full of shapeless bits of rubber. I had chosen the perfect silly person to ask so I showed her my collection of packaged rubber bands and asked her if it mattered which ones I bought.
She responded heatedly, "Oh yeah! You can't get Googly bands! They aren't the same at all!"
Now to me, the difference was similar to the difference between white eggs and brown eggs after they've been scrambled in a frying pan. But I certainly didn't want to see the disappointment on the face of a newly 10 year old little girl who would have to face her classmates wearing lesser rubber bands on her wrist. So, thanks to the silly little girl, I found the right Silly Bandz. Standing in the check-out line with those ridiculous things in my cart, I felt as vacuous as I would have felt had I purchased a National Enquirer. Luckily, I wasn't alone so no one could tell for sure who the financial nit-wit was, although the odds were 50-50 and usually, I prefer them a tad better than that.
Anyway, the little girl was happy which was my mission in the first place so I guess it was worth my shame.
Lest you think I'm a true idiot, I should also mention that I did NOT buy another Bears shirt. Shopping after their humiliating loss to Washington, I noticed that the prices had gone up 10 bucks to $35 over the past week. Had they been on a $3 clearance sale, I might have considered it...for a minute.
...Wal-Mart. I was looking for something stupid called Silly Bandz. If you are "in the know", you are aware of those ridiculous things that little girls MUST HAVE. They are rubber bands in the shapes of many stupid things that become plain old rubber bands when used for their intended purpose which is to wear on the wrist.
Silly Bandz are the Pet Rocks of today with one exception...you could leave your stupid rock at home and therefore keep your inane purchase a secret. To experience the thrill of Silly Bandz, one must wear them out in public to let everyone know that they have spent hard earned cash on rubber bands.
I wandered around Wal-Mart like an idiot trying to figure out which of the numerous colored rubber bands were the right ones to buy for a little girl. As with any other popular fad, there are many knock offs and I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to get Googly Bands, Disney Bands or the only one that made a lick of sense, Gummy Bands. At least you could stick the last bands in your mouth and chew them, the others were simply fancy rubber bands that you pay 5 bucks for. Had it not been a birthday, I would have never considered making such a purchase.
As I wandered, confused and baffled, throughout the store, I finally saw a little girl about the right age for Silly Bandz. I asked her, "Do you know what Silly Bandz are?" She immediately pulled up her sleeve and exposed a wrist which was full of shapeless bits of rubber. I had chosen the perfect silly person to ask so I showed her my collection of packaged rubber bands and asked her if it mattered which ones I bought.
She responded heatedly, "Oh yeah! You can't get Googly bands! They aren't the same at all!"
Now to me, the difference was similar to the difference between white eggs and brown eggs after they've been scrambled in a frying pan. But I certainly didn't want to see the disappointment on the face of a newly 10 year old little girl who would have to face her classmates wearing lesser rubber bands on her wrist. So, thanks to the silly little girl, I found the right Silly Bandz. Standing in the check-out line with those ridiculous things in my cart, I felt as vacuous as I would have felt had I purchased a National Enquirer. Luckily, I wasn't alone so no one could tell for sure who the financial nit-wit was, although the odds were 50-50 and usually, I prefer them a tad better than that.
Anyway, the little girl was happy which was my mission in the first place so I guess it was worth my shame.
Lest you think I'm a true idiot, I should also mention that I did NOT buy another Bears shirt. Shopping after their humiliating loss to Washington, I noticed that the prices had gone up 10 bucks to $35 over the past week. Had they been on a $3 clearance sale, I might have considered it...for a minute.
posted by Meg Kelso | 3:23 AM
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