A few Do's and Don't's when courting a lady
As I write this, it is ten minutes to noon. As recently as 9 AM, I wouldn't have thought these hints needed to be on a Do and Don't list...but the past two hours have proven otherwise.
1. Do NOT use the word "poop" in front of a lady unless she uses the word first...in which case you deserve each other.
2. Do retire to the restroom when shaving. Nothing says, "I'm covered with whiskers." better than shaving, sans shirt, in front of ANYONE...much less a lady.
3. Do NOT keep your electric razor plugged in to the socket next to your living room recliner. Nothing says, "I'm a lazy bastard." better than performing personal hygiene in an easy chair 6 feet from your television.
4. Do run your fingers through your hair before you answer the door. Maybe a comb wasn't handy but even a 4 month old can find his hands.
5. Do NOT let a lady hear you tell what she already knows is a lie when you are talking on phone. It succinctly and accurately sends the message, "I am a big fat liar."
6. If you have a bite wound properly described using the word "pus" and you simply CANNOT refrain from describing the hella-disgusting wound...don't make matters worse by asking a lady-friend to examine the offending sore and offer an opinion as to what it might be. I don't care if she is a nurse.
7. Never discuss former girlfriends in a negative light. I don't care if she was so nasty that she gave you the clap. And I also don't care if it was in the 80's.
8. However innocent it may be (LMAO!), DO NOT speak the following sentence when referring to your dog:
"Once I started using peanut butter, I could get her to do anything...she really likes crunchy!!!"
9. Do NOT sit there with a huge belly and think it's funny to make jokes about how long it's been since you've seen your penis.
10. If you think that any of the above it acceptable behavior, DO join the nearest cloistered male fraternity.
1. Do NOT use the word "poop" in front of a lady unless she uses the word first...in which case you deserve each other.
2. Do retire to the restroom when shaving. Nothing says, "I'm covered with whiskers." better than shaving, sans shirt, in front of ANYONE...much less a lady.
3. Do NOT keep your electric razor plugged in to the socket next to your living room recliner. Nothing says, "I'm a lazy bastard." better than performing personal hygiene in an easy chair 6 feet from your television.
4. Do run your fingers through your hair before you answer the door. Maybe a comb wasn't handy but even a 4 month old can find his hands.
5. Do NOT let a lady hear you tell what she already knows is a lie when you are talking on phone. It succinctly and accurately sends the message, "I am a big fat liar."
6. If you have a bite wound properly described using the word "pus" and you simply CANNOT refrain from describing the hella-disgusting wound...don't make matters worse by asking a lady-friend to examine the offending sore and offer an opinion as to what it might be. I don't care if she is a nurse.
7. Never discuss former girlfriends in a negative light. I don't care if she was so nasty that she gave you the clap. And I also don't care if it was in the 80's.
8. However innocent it may be (LMAO!), DO NOT speak the following sentence when referring to your dog:
"Once I started using peanut butter, I could get her to do anything...she really likes crunchy!!!"
9. Do NOT sit there with a huge belly and think it's funny to make jokes about how long it's been since you've seen your penis.
10. If you think that any of the above it acceptable behavior, DO join the nearest cloistered male fraternity.
posted by Meg Kelso | 8:46 AM
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