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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

For some inexplicable reason...


...I spent most of yesterday extremely tired. I even took a nap which is very odd for me. When I woke up I was sort of pleased that I had napped because as tired as I was, I was expecting to fall asleep in the middle of Monday Night Football. Alas, it didn't work. I was snoozing before halftime. If I had seen that coming, I wouldn't have worried too much because I  was sure that Green Bay would win the game anyway.

Imagine my surprise when, as soon as he woke up, my boyfriend (fiance?) told me that "Green Bay had the game stolen by Seattle".  He started to explain what had happened when I queried, "So, it was a touch-back?"  His description of the play certainly sounded like a touch-back to me. But he smiled and said, "Nope...it was a touchdown for Seattle. Confused by his description of the play, I had to go online and see what he was talking about. That just confused me more. Apparently, if you catch the defender who catches the ball, it counts as a touchdown. 

I went to YouTube to see the actual play and as many times as I watched it, I still don't understand how it was a touchdown. Technically, it doesn't matter much to me (unless that play affects the play-offs) because I'm a Bears fan. So, I have no dog in that fight but although I see the logic behind the call, I still think it sucked. I would have hated to be in a Green Bay sports bar when they called the play a touchdown. I never expected Green Bay to lose and I think there should be an asterisk after that game forever. As a Bears fan, I wouldn't mind seeing Green Bay lose but not like that (once again, unless it affects the play offs).

If one of my kids had grown up to be a football player, I  would have worried about his safety every Sunday afternoon. If one of them had grown up to be a referee, I wouldn't have worried too much because even a ref can get hurt by a misguided tackle. But from now on, I would worry something awful if my kid was a ref because I doubt that many players will try too hard to avoid hurting the refs from now on.

Oh well,, it was what it wasn't but that's OK, I have my own problems so I can't afford to worry too much about a bad call in a football game that didn't involve the Bears. But, a day without a stroke is a day I can handle...whatever else comes my way.

So, I can't leave this post without something amusing so let me think...what tickles my funny bone today? I haven't heard of any infection left by the Nair that I applied to my idiot-ex's face so I guess I have to come up with something all by myself. I can still make myself  giggle by imagining Rick's messed up face the day he left, but you didn't see that so let me think, what might make you smile? Oh, I know.

This will only make you smile if you are into fart humor but fart humor is still humor so I'm going to tell you something that I did the other day. The man I'm trying to make my own took me with him to pick up a prescription the other day. We went to Walgreens and there weren't many people around. I had that feeling of a bit too much air in my bowels so instead of holding back (which I would have done under ANY other circumstances) I tried to break my own walking fart record with my man behind me. In case you don't know what a walking fart is, it's when you fart just a bit with every step you take. That's something I've always done alone and my record is 8 fart steps in a row. Hoping for nine but only releasing 5 (which really isn't a bad score) I began my fart walking. I may not have broken my record for fart walking in private, but I did set a record  for fart walking in public. As disgusting as that may sound to many people, I did get a great laugh from my audience of one. Every single fart step evoked a giggle from the one man that I should be trying to impress. 

I've always tried to be a lady and fart in private. A public fart would have embarrassed the hell out of me. I think my most embarrassing fart was the one that got away when I was dating Rick and tried to impress him by showing him how strong I was by picking him up. He didn't laugh, he just turned away. But the man I have now isn't afraid of farts. I don't remember the first time I farted in front of  him but his response must have been positive or I  wouldn't have done  it again. So, whenever I feel like farting around him, I just let them rip because he can't help but laugh and Lord knows I'll do anything for a laugh. After the last Walgreens fart step, he said, "You know, I didn't smell any of them." I told him it didn't matter because as everyone knows, farts only smell  for the benefit of those who CAN'T hear them. He heard them and that was enough to make him smile which is enough to make me happy.

Before I end this post, let me apologize to those who don't appreciate fart humor. I owe you a laugh. But it's early in the morning so I have to wait until the rest of my brain wakes up enough to amuse you. 

5 Comments:

Blogger q1605 said...

I really wasn't in the mood for fart humor until I was through reading.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
You crack me up.

September 25, 2012  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my boyfriend (fiance?) ........i'm crushed. kyle from knoxvile.

September 26, 2012  
Blogger q1605 said...

Um Kyle. You can wait your turn in line.
Behind me.

September 29, 2012  
Blogger gapmom1723 said...

Get the Ace Bandages...my sides are splitting! That was tooo funny!

September 30, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

Kyle,

Email me, I the addy I have for you doesn't work.

:)

September 30, 2012  

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