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Friday, September 21, 2012

I Just Saw A Great Money Making Opportunity...

...and I wasn't even looking for one. I was relaxing in front of the TV when I saw a commercial for skin tag removal stuff. My idea is that I could be their spokesperson. I most certainly could be a model. As a matter of  fact, I could model any number of odd skin things that weren't there when I started looking at my skin. I remember having matching freckles, one on the back of each hand. Now they're lost in a sky of brilliant liver spots. It worries me that it will only get worse. Anything new and different shouldn't be there and will only get worse so even the slightest of changes should be alarming.

I think it would suck to apply for the job of skin tag model and NOT get it. But, a select few DID get the  job and I was rather impressed with their stoic stances as they battled the evil skin tags. But, I have to say, I think a couple of those tags were fake...they just didn't look humanly possible. Luckily, I'm not too bothered by skin tags and liver spots, especially when I  remember that Madonna is my age and however she currently flaunts herself around...she has the same problem. I imagine she has a few more options with which she can hide those suckers. Personally, I can't afford Jan Brady's lemons. My plan is to sit around and grow this crap until it becomes de rigueur. The odds are long but the risk is low.

As I've mentioned in many earlier posts, I very well may be losing my mind. I mean that in a good way...I'll just sit around and be a sweet old confused lady. I can live with that. So, my short term memory is crap, but, as any good little lady dementia patient will tell you, I remember every stitch of my prom dress.

Basically, I try to keep myself busy but my mind is too overwhelmed with other stuff so I don't exercise as much as I should BUT...I do squats in front of the micro-wave while I'm waiting for my coffee to warm up. I work out in 45 second bursts. I've done a lot of different things to create shapely legs but all I've ever had is Angelina Jolie's anorexic legs. They're so ridiculously long that my heavily gravid body was once pointed out to resemble a water tower. The dude who said that probably forgot it decades ago, but after almost 40 years I still can't pass a water tower on the highway without my self esteem getting a little smack in the face. It's all good, I've pretty much decided to give up. I just haven't decided to whom I should surrender.

Anyway, I need to get a web-cam so that I can model my assets in the skin tag arena. On second thought, perhaps I should forget the skin tag plan...I would hate to be turned down. Maybe I could get in through the business end of skin tag removal.

The only thing I see wrong with skin tag removal is possibility of the odd, atypical reaction that could leave me with some flesh eating disease that would have me leading the news with my current limb count. So I don't need to help that nasty organism enter my body through into a hole created by some chemical designed to eat away human flesh of ANY sort.

That reminds me of the last time I saw my idiot-ex. He was having an affair so he was more than happy to let me groom his hideous hair problem that only a bald man knows. He had the cranial explosion of sideways growing hairs, right down to the uni-brow. He actually let me put Nair in between his eyes. Now, when I did that, I did it with the best of intentions. The chemical reaction those chemicals had with his lower forehead skin could neither have been expected nor hoped for. After all, it never happened to my long skinny legs. He left shortly after that...so soon that the sores didn't have a chance to heal AT ALL. The last time I saw him, he was marked with an upside-down triangular area of open, oozing and raw skin that reached from his forehead halfway down his nose. It still makes me smile.

And once again, NO...I didn't do it on purpose...I had no way of knowing he would melt. If I had known, I would have used a helluva lot more Nair than I did.


4 Comments:

Blogger q1605 said...

You make it.
I'll count it.

September 22, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

Deal. Now all we need is a cheating scumbag to melt.

September 22, 2012  
Blogger Hera Thunder said...

I'm looking for someone who's in the same emotional state I'm in. I don't think I'm the only one ---

http://herathunders.blogspot.com

September 24, 2012  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

Hera,

I only read a bit of your blog but I understood where you were coming from simply from your tag:

"Do you ever feel you are the only person who's nurturing and defending your family? Does your heart ache when you fiercely protect your family fortress? What if the destruction comes from inside?"

I'll be looking forward to reading more. I can relate so well that I'm going to put your blog on my Blog List. Thanks for writing. :)

September 25, 2012  

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