I'm trying very hard...

...to get something across to anyone who is out there listening. My attempt may seem disjointed at times and perhaps out of order, chronologically speaking. But there's a method to my madness. First of all, I need to do it in a way in which I am comfortable getting this all out accurately and honestly. Secondly...well secondly I just repeat what I said initially. I won't do it half-assed so I need to do it my way.

I'm in the middle of an almost unbearable situation. I'm trying not to blame anyone so if it comes out that way, bare with me, I know what I'm doing. As the news people say, "the situation is very fluid". I'm doing this for a reason which should be obvious but may not be to everyone. In addition, there are people who don't care about me or my feelings and they will certainly try to put a stop to what I'm doing. Actually, there's only one person that I'm concerned with and to that nit-wit, I say this:

I'm doing this for me. Believe it or not, there are things in this world that do NOT revolve around you and your issues...me and my issues are a perfect example. There isn't anything you can do to stop me from doing this...I say that knowing you will still try to stop me because somehow, you will find a way to make this personal, about you, and fodder for your "List-O-Crap Meg Does To Annoy ME". My blog has been here for years and it will still be here when you are nothing but a dreadful memory. It has nothing to do with you, it is, as many have noticed, totally about me and what I think from one day to the next. I do it because I enjoy it. You certainly won't let me finish a sentence, I tried to tell you that I needed to get this out. Every time I try to tell you what I'm going through, you make it about you and, like my idiot ex, you effectively shut me up by starting an argument. Your first words are usually, "So, this is all MY fault?" Then, you rant on and on, as predictably as the morning sun. I have had you corking my brain for far too long and if I don't get this out I may just crumble in on myself. I won't let that happen. So, like it or not, I am going to tell the truth about what I am going through...if you happen to occupy a sentence or two, so be it. I don't care how it affects you and I am doing this fully aware that it very well COULD affect you negatively. Sorry, but the pressure has built up and you've left me with nothing but this laptop to talk to. You don't care what collateral damage you create along the way as you try to isolate me from everything I've ever known. Your emotions are so pedantic that I wouldn't expect you to grasp one slice of what I'm saying. You "cry" when you hear country music and you love telling everyone about the pitiful stories you become aware of because you have studied enough about we humans to know that those are heart-tuggers. I guess a psychopath can study people and how they react to some things, but you actually have to be one of us to understand a word I'm talking about. I know this will go over your head, but as I said, this is NOT about you. I'm not sure how I let this happen to me but you have been subtle, consistent and successful. Good for you. I hold you no ill-will, just let me walk away without your usual and reflexive explosions. You know I hate arguing so you use it to keep me in line. I'm done trying, I gave up a long time ago. If I weren't such a mess right now, you couldn't do this to me. If ever you find yourself in a situation where you have to pay for your behavior, please read this blog. I know your story about the night that resulted in your arrest. You've told me over and over again as though you're repetitious declarations will make me question my own sanity and forget what happened. Nevertheless, if you'd like to tell your own story, start your own blog...and if you don't like what I write, don't read mine.