In case you're wondering...
My first reaction to this fear crap is usually medicinal...especially if it gets this bad. But, I've taken a full milligram of xanax and I feel as though I never took it. That's the most I ever take at once although I think I'm getting to the point where I might need a higher dose. That's actually a hefty dose already, but when I feel like this, it might just be necessary. But, right now that's not an option and I can't take another one for hours. Actually I could, but it's probably not a good idea.
So, that leaves me with my reasoning powers. I keep telling myself that whatever happens, I'm not going to perish. After all, what's the worst that COULD happen? As long as I know my kids are fine, I'm fine. So, seriously...why do I feel like this?
I can't be the only one whose gone through this. As usual, I'm one of the few people to be totally transparent about it but if I've learned anything, I've learned that I rarely experience a totally new human experience. There's ALWAYS someone else going through the exact same thing. So, I risk sounding rather self absorbed in hopes that someone else gets this. Remember the bubble to which I've referred a couple times? That bubble is a bad bubble. It's a scary bubble and it demands my attention whether I want it to or not. So, yeah..if I do sound ridiculous and even childish at times, know this; I'm being as honest with you as I can be with myself. And know that I can wallow in self pity, as long as I write it down and then look at it again later. That will speed up the end of the pity party and that's a good thing.
Pity is pretty useless anyway. Whenever I even try to feel badly for myself, something happens that shows me how badly someone else has it. The best example of that had to be the worm invasion I repelled a few years ago. Just as it was raining worms in my kitchen and I wanted to cry, some lady had brain surgery for what turned out to be a huge worm in her brain. How the hell does that shit happen? That lesson wasn't even wrapped in a parable...it was right in my face. If that piqued your curiosity, you can read my worm story here: