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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Helpful Hints for a White Chick in the Hood

1. First, and extremely important...."KNOW YOU'RE LOCAL GANG AFFLIATION!!!" You don't have to be in a gang, but it IS wise to know whether you need to avoid wearing red or blue.
2. During the day, you can walk to the library or MccyD's...but when the sun goes down, don't go so far as the closest bus stop.
3. Be reticent around black men in the hood because they are actually worried about what might happen to a black dude walking with a white chick. Sad, but true.
4. Always be prepared to walk past a church with music SO GOOD that you simply must go in and sing along. Remember to turn off your cell phone. It may be in a language you don't know, but they all seem to shake hands with those next to them at some point...you should pay attention and join in.
5. Walk with a purpose...head held high, shoulders back and gut sucked in. Act as though you have an important plan and move quickly.
6. If while following the above helpful hint, you happen to trip over a messed up South Central LA sidewalk, just get up immediately. NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP AND OFFER HELP. If they do, you'll be missing a wallet.
7. Irish women have no business in the sun and 15 is nowhere near enough SPF.
8. When it comes to drinking, just say no...seriously. Twist one if you have it, but leave the booze alone.
9. You actually have to shower twice a day. I only do my hair in the morning, but by the afternoon, I simply must get the real or perceived grime off of my skin.
19. Above all, have fun! And don't forget to take advantage of becoming familiar with a part of life you never thought you would see outside of a Spike Lee movie.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do not stop in the middle of the sidewalk to check your directions. It is possible that someone will spit on you in disgust.

Do not pick out a normal looking person and ask directions. Again, you could be spit on.

Do not carry a purse.

Try not to smile as you normally would.

Remember that you can step into any building if you feel threatened. Of course it is best if you see people inside.

September 25, 2013  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

Very good! The "never carry a purse" thing is a good one as is the not smiling thing. I try not to make eye contact but if I do, I tip my head without a smile.

Oh, only ask for directions from people who will still be here later when you can go back and throw and egg at him. "Normal" is relative and relatively hard to find in South Central. People get pissed for reasons you are not aware of. No one is, it's all in their head but their actions are all in your face.


September 25, 2013  

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