MEG,

About your father...What is the worst thing that would/could happen if you didn't clean the house before he came to visit? Maybe he wouldn't come to visit as much? Just wondering...

You know, he probably wouldn’t say a word but at this point in my life, it’s a matter of pride. I won’t have him see my house while it is a mess.

Once he came over with my siblings to clean my house (I had been in the hospital). I opened the door and there was my family with cleaning gear in tow. I couldn’t believe those clowns actually DID it. I would have told Dad to go jump in a lake.

He spent this past Thanksgiving with me. The day he was to arrive from Florida, a hobo came to my door and offerred to rake my leaves for a few bucks. I had hired vagrants before and Dad WAS coming...the yard DID need raking...so I said yes. But he was doing such a half assed job that I ended up just paying him to leave.

The worst wasn’t over, not by a long shot.

I came home that evening to find the hobo dude hosing down my father’s car with him in it. I had locked him out and he was sitting there in the driver's seat of his car, in my driveway and some hobo was spraying his car with my hose. It was priceless. As I got out of my car and was walking to my house, I started saying, “You’ve got to go.”

Hobo dude responded by telling me that he had lost his temporary home and I just kept repeating, “You’ve got to go.” He finally did go. I was still very angry when I got into the house. I kept saying, “I can’t believe this guy!”

After a few minutes, I began to think about my father sitting in the car being hosed down by a hobo and I began apologizing profusely.

Then I began to see the humor in the situation. I couldn’t hold the laughter back. I laughed long and hard. I had tears in my eyes and my side ached but I couldn’t stop. Dad laughed for the first 5 minutes. Then he got a little annoyed. Literally. He said, “Margaret, you are beginning to annoy me.”

Oh well. I asked him why he didn't call the police and he responded by saying, "He said he was a friend of yours." I said, "Dad...if I DID have a hobo friend, I WOULDN'T invite him over when I was expecting YOU." Duh.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, I hosted my first Thanksgiving with a Kiddie Table last year. As I set it, I remembered sitting at my grandmother’s Kiddie Table. I wanted to go to the Big Table. The Big Table people had the turkey and the mashed potatoes while all the Kiddie Table people had was deviled eggs and gerkin pickles. Big Grandma sat at the head of the table and everyone else sat around her...it was wonderful. Then Big Grandma died.

Things were still great, Grandma was at the head of the table and life was sweet. But I still yearned to graduate to the Big Table.

Then Grandma died. That opened up a spot and I moved up to the Big Table!!!!

Mom sat at the head of the table and I was happy, even with my idiot cousin Leon at the Big Table as well. Then Mom died. And then I started to wonder...

Now Dad is at the head of the table and I am figuring this crap out. This isn’t a Big Table!!!!

IT’S A LAUNCHING PAD FOR DEATH AND I'M ON DECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meg :)