I want to thank all of you...
...for your kind words and prayers. My brother has most certainly relapsed and we have no idea where is at this moment. I just spoke with my father who is at my brother’s house and they have not heard a word from him since last night. Apparently, the situation is worse than we knew. Although he hasn’t hurt her physically, he did break their coffee table and chess set in a violent rage. Vex began his violent behavior by destroying things before he began hurting me so I cannot defend my brother any longer. This woman has a young child to worry about and she will not allow Mike back into their home. But she and I are fine, she has assured me that she and I will always be sisters which I appreciate more than she could know.
We tried to help her, get help for herself, and she would rather be skinny and party. Next we will hear, she will be in the hospital, morgue or jail. The way she is going, those are her only options.
Years ago, I worked in a drug and alcohol rehab center and almost all of the patients there were there for one of 3 reasons. Either a judge, spouse or boss had given them an ultimatum. Unfortunately, treatment does no good unless a person wants to stop the drug use for them self. As far too many family members know, nobody can force help on an addict who doesn’t want to stop using drugs. If a loving family could stop this type of thing, there would be very few drug addicts. At this very moment, I am worried that my brother is in a hospital, morgue or jail as well. I pretty much think he is sleeping off a binge, but until we hear from him, we have no way of knowing.
The sad fact of the matter is that he's likely to lose his wife. This will be a double-edged sword. It may motivate him to truly clean up, or it may make him bury himself further into his addiction to escape the reality of his new life.
You are absolutely right. But, unfortunately, he has had many chances to clean up his act. Between our family, the church and the support system that his wife has provided him with, he has had more support than any recidivist addict deserves. Sadly, I see him spending the rest of his life in jail. The reality of his new life is something that many people would love to have. He has made his decision, the drugs are more important to him than the wonderful life that he basically had handed to him on a silver platter. When he met this woman, he pretty much hit the lottery. I can’t tell you how much she has done for him, but he can’t seem to find himself worthy of her love.
I've never commented on a blog before - but your brother story really touched a nerve, and I'll pray for you.I have a son - Sam, who's 20 - and about to be released from prison - for the 4th time. Same reasons - drugs. Only, this time he can not come here - which is the worst feeling a parent can have.
As badly as I feel for my brother, I can’t imagine how I would feel if it were my own child. My heart goes out to you. How a mother gets through the day when her child is on drugs is beyond me. The pain must be unbearable. You ma’am, have my prayers as well. Thank you for offering your support when you are suffering so yourself.
IT'S DRUGS RUINING THIS COUNTRY!!!!!.
Yes, it most certainly is. Drugs and that, “If it feels good do it” mentality are doing more to destroy our nation than anything else possibly could. Somehow, we have been conditioned to call everyone a “victim” when in reality, they are NOT victims. The victims are the people who have to clean up after these people. A mother who sits and worries whether or not her child is dead or alive night after night is a victim. A wife who has to look out the window, wondering where her husband is night after night is a victim. The children who see the violence are victims. The elderly father who drove hundreds of miles to help and found his son missing is a victim. The people who are robbed for drug money are victims. Until we begin treating recidivist addicts like the criminals that they are, we as a society will be victims. To even suggest that an addict is a victim is to give them an excuse to use again. “Poor me, I am a victim, I deserve another fix.”
None of us are perfect, Lord knows I am not. I absolutely believe that an addict deserves a chance or two to get over their addiction. But when a person has had chance after chance, and they have caused so much pain to the people who love them, or they begin committing serious crimes, they lose my sympathy.
It is my opinion that our legal system does more harm than good when it comes to addiction. The first time someone is arrested for drugs, they SHOULD be offered rehab, not jail. But the legal system is so fixated on the “war on drugs” that they will throw the book at a first time offender, leaving them with a record that only serves to make it difficult for them to go straight. The courts are so full of inequity where drugs (and crime in general) are concerned that it makes me ill. A person with enough money can get off on a charge that would put another person in prison for years. Instead of just tossing a person in jail for a first offense, they should be given one opportunity to clean up their act and clean up their record. But our politicians are far too concerned with re-election. They spend most of their terms in office running for the next term. The political climate should not be the decision maker when it comes to crime and drugs. It looks so good for a candidate to say, “Look! I have made it impossible for a criminal to get any help on your dime!” And the jails, oh my gosh, what jokes they are. They are staffed mainly by people who get a sadistic thrill out of being in control. An acquaintance of mine was thrown in jail for a crime that he was accused of 25 years ago. The state of Ohio couldn’t convict him then and the D.A. heard that this man was dieing of cancer so he had him arrested on some new “secret” evidence.
“Sam” was picked up and held in the local jail (Cobb County Georgia) for a few weeks. During this time, he was denied his pain medicine and was forced to go through withdrawal. A man who is dieing in pain was treated as though he was some scum bag even though he was never convicted of anything in his life. Talk about cruel and unusual. The nurses who worked at that jail were barely educated and showed no signs of being what a nurse is supposed to be, a patient advocate. As nurses, we never have to treat patients that we don’t want to treat. When I worked with AIDS patients, there were nurses who refused to work with them. To give the best possible care, you don’t want a nurse working where they cannot feel compassion. If I ever wanted to work with prisoners, I would apply for a job at a prison. But I wouldn’t turn around and watch as my patients were denied medical treatment and enjoy it. If a person wants to work with sick criminals, they should take care of them, not get some kick out of watching them suffer. I am sure that there are some prisoners who don’t really deserve much empathy, but I am also sure that there are some who do. But these nurses (at this particular jail, I can’t speak for any other jail) absolutely have no empathy for their patients. After all of this poor care, the man I was talking about was extradited to Ohio (where he was treated with compassion) and they released him on house arrest so that he could come home and die. He has never been tried for a crime and he never will be yet he was treated as a hardened criminal by nurses who are supposed to be compassionate. If he wasn’t already dieing, I imagine that he could have become a very angry person and committed a crime that he wouldn’t have committed if he had been treated with any degree of respect. There was a time when people DID care how prisoners were treated. The only thing that has changed is our political climate. It is now very helpful to politicians for them to make life as uncomfortable for criminals as possible, whatever the crime. It would behoove us as a nation to offer some options to drug addicts before they are so hardened that they cause hideous damage to everyone around them.
That attitude is not inconsistent with my belief that addicts are not victims. They are not. They are, however, most assuredly sick. Prison hasn’t ever cured an illness and it won’t cure addiction. I firmly believe that it causes more addiction. There was a time when people were given the option of jail or the army when convicted of certain crimes. I think that we should have some sort of option to help an addict before we make life so difficult for them that it is impossible for them to live a decent life. If they screw up that chance, then lock them up and put it on their permanent record. Don’t save helpful alternatives for the people with cash.
Meg
...for your kind words and prayers. My brother has most certainly relapsed and we have no idea where is at this moment. I just spoke with my father who is at my brother’s house and they have not heard a word from him since last night. Apparently, the situation is worse than we knew. Although he hasn’t hurt her physically, he did break their coffee table and chess set in a violent rage. Vex began his violent behavior by destroying things before he began hurting me so I cannot defend my brother any longer. This woman has a young child to worry about and she will not allow Mike back into their home. But she and I are fine, she has assured me that she and I will always be sisters which I appreciate more than she could know.
We tried to help her, get help for herself, and she would rather be skinny and party. Next we will hear, she will be in the hospital, morgue or jail. The way she is going, those are her only options.
Years ago, I worked in a drug and alcohol rehab center and almost all of the patients there were there for one of 3 reasons. Either a judge, spouse or boss had given them an ultimatum. Unfortunately, treatment does no good unless a person wants to stop the drug use for them self. As far too many family members know, nobody can force help on an addict who doesn’t want to stop using drugs. If a loving family could stop this type of thing, there would be very few drug addicts. At this very moment, I am worried that my brother is in a hospital, morgue or jail as well. I pretty much think he is sleeping off a binge, but until we hear from him, we have no way of knowing.
The sad fact of the matter is that he's likely to lose his wife. This will be a double-edged sword. It may motivate him to truly clean up, or it may make him bury himself further into his addiction to escape the reality of his new life.
You are absolutely right. But, unfortunately, he has had many chances to clean up his act. Between our family, the church and the support system that his wife has provided him with, he has had more support than any recidivist addict deserves. Sadly, I see him spending the rest of his life in jail. The reality of his new life is something that many people would love to have. He has made his decision, the drugs are more important to him than the wonderful life that he basically had handed to him on a silver platter. When he met this woman, he pretty much hit the lottery. I can’t tell you how much she has done for him, but he can’t seem to find himself worthy of her love.
I've never commented on a blog before - but your brother story really touched a nerve, and I'll pray for you.I have a son - Sam, who's 20 - and about to be released from prison - for the 4th time. Same reasons - drugs. Only, this time he can not come here - which is the worst feeling a parent can have.
As badly as I feel for my brother, I can’t imagine how I would feel if it were my own child. My heart goes out to you. How a mother gets through the day when her child is on drugs is beyond me. The pain must be unbearable. You ma’am, have my prayers as well. Thank you for offering your support when you are suffering so yourself.
IT'S DRUGS RUINING THIS COUNTRY!!!!!.
Yes, it most certainly is. Drugs and that, “If it feels good do it” mentality are doing more to destroy our nation than anything else possibly could. Somehow, we have been conditioned to call everyone a “victim” when in reality, they are NOT victims. The victims are the people who have to clean up after these people. A mother who sits and worries whether or not her child is dead or alive night after night is a victim. A wife who has to look out the window, wondering where her husband is night after night is a victim. The children who see the violence are victims. The elderly father who drove hundreds of miles to help and found his son missing is a victim. The people who are robbed for drug money are victims. Until we begin treating recidivist addicts like the criminals that they are, we as a society will be victims. To even suggest that an addict is a victim is to give them an excuse to use again. “Poor me, I am a victim, I deserve another fix.”
None of us are perfect, Lord knows I am not. I absolutely believe that an addict deserves a chance or two to get over their addiction. But when a person has had chance after chance, and they have caused so much pain to the people who love them, or they begin committing serious crimes, they lose my sympathy.
It is my opinion that our legal system does more harm than good when it comes to addiction. The first time someone is arrested for drugs, they SHOULD be offered rehab, not jail. But the legal system is so fixated on the “war on drugs” that they will throw the book at a first time offender, leaving them with a record that only serves to make it difficult for them to go straight. The courts are so full of inequity where drugs (and crime in general) are concerned that it makes me ill. A person with enough money can get off on a charge that would put another person in prison for years. Instead of just tossing a person in jail for a first offense, they should be given one opportunity to clean up their act and clean up their record. But our politicians are far too concerned with re-election. They spend most of their terms in office running for the next term. The political climate should not be the decision maker when it comes to crime and drugs. It looks so good for a candidate to say, “Look! I have made it impossible for a criminal to get any help on your dime!” And the jails, oh my gosh, what jokes they are. They are staffed mainly by people who get a sadistic thrill out of being in control. An acquaintance of mine was thrown in jail for a crime that he was accused of 25 years ago. The state of Ohio couldn’t convict him then and the D.A. heard that this man was dieing of cancer so he had him arrested on some new “secret” evidence.
“Sam” was picked up and held in the local jail (Cobb County Georgia) for a few weeks. During this time, he was denied his pain medicine and was forced to go through withdrawal. A man who is dieing in pain was treated as though he was some scum bag even though he was never convicted of anything in his life. Talk about cruel and unusual. The nurses who worked at that jail were barely educated and showed no signs of being what a nurse is supposed to be, a patient advocate. As nurses, we never have to treat patients that we don’t want to treat. When I worked with AIDS patients, there were nurses who refused to work with them. To give the best possible care, you don’t want a nurse working where they cannot feel compassion. If I ever wanted to work with prisoners, I would apply for a job at a prison. But I wouldn’t turn around and watch as my patients were denied medical treatment and enjoy it. If a person wants to work with sick criminals, they should take care of them, not get some kick out of watching them suffer. I am sure that there are some prisoners who don’t really deserve much empathy, but I am also sure that there are some who do. But these nurses (at this particular jail, I can’t speak for any other jail) absolutely have no empathy for their patients. After all of this poor care, the man I was talking about was extradited to Ohio (where he was treated with compassion) and they released him on house arrest so that he could come home and die. He has never been tried for a crime and he never will be yet he was treated as a hardened criminal by nurses who are supposed to be compassionate. If he wasn’t already dieing, I imagine that he could have become a very angry person and committed a crime that he wouldn’t have committed if he had been treated with any degree of respect. There was a time when people DID care how prisoners were treated. The only thing that has changed is our political climate. It is now very helpful to politicians for them to make life as uncomfortable for criminals as possible, whatever the crime. It would behoove us as a nation to offer some options to drug addicts before they are so hardened that they cause hideous damage to everyone around them.
That attitude is not inconsistent with my belief that addicts are not victims. They are not. They are, however, most assuredly sick. Prison hasn’t ever cured an illness and it won’t cure addiction. I firmly believe that it causes more addiction. There was a time when people were given the option of jail or the army when convicted of certain crimes. I think that we should have some sort of option to help an addict before we make life so difficult for them that it is impossible for them to live a decent life. If they screw up that chance, then lock them up and put it on their permanent record. Don’t save helpful alternatives for the people with cash.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 1:18 PM
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