It's not me!!!!!
I've finally figured something out. I had suspected it all along but now I'm sure...it's NOT me!!!!! I am not a crazy, insanely jealous wench pycho bitch from hell! Rick drove me to some crazy behavior and turned an otherwise (relatively) normal woman and turned her into a jealous nut, constantly looking for signs of a lie do jour. When Rick would be having his affairs, I would sense the change in his behavior towards me but he always denied any wrong doing. He even went so far as to tell me that there was nothing wrong and that any problems I had were "all in my head" and that I should get "professional help" in dealing with my "trust issues".
I even fell for it a couple of times, going to counselors who eventually told me that I had no problems, but rather that I had reason to be suspicious and that marital counseling was what was called for. Rick never went to more than one meeting with these professionals but continued to tell me that I had trust issues and when I would tell him that his behavior was "driving me crazy", he would just tell me that I was, "doing it to myself.
The purpose of this post isn't to fault Rick or even to attempt to place blame at all...we're all responsible for our own lives and I stayed with Rick after more than one affair, far too many lies and even violence. I wasn't perfect either so I'm not at all trying to attack him here. I'm just explaining something in the hopes that perhaps someone else can benefit from my experience.
I'm with an honest man. I haven't been with one of those animals...ever. For the first time, I have absolutely no reason to doubt anthing that he says and I like that. I don't find myself looking for hidden meanings and analyzing everything that he says, looking for discrepencies. After years of being lied to, it was difficult to listen to Rick without trying to find the bullshit in whatever it was he was saying. When I get in Chip's car...I don't find myself looking for other women's make-up...because he's been so upfront and honest with me that I know that I have nothing to worry about. If I do see something that belongs to another woman, I know who it belonged to and why it's there because he has always told me about the other women in his life, whether I asked him or not.
You have no idea how nice it is to know that I am not and inherently jealous woman and that I'm actually a pretty normal women who doesn't at all mind a man who wants to go out "with the boys" for a few drinks after work...because I know that that's exactly what it is...the guys going out for a few drinks after work. People do things like that without cheating on their partners. At least some of them do. There are some people (ex husband's of mine that shall remain nameless) who can't even go to a gas station without hitting on the attendant behind the counter. He couldn't tell the truth about staring at another woman's ass. Chip will look right at the ass and tell me it looks nice. I like that...his total honesty when he does something negative like that lets me know that he would be honest with me about something easy like the positive stuff like, "I love you."
I consider myself very lucky to have figured this out. I love that relaxing feeling of knowing that I have nothing to worry about from one day to the next. If he met someone else...he's the kind of man who would tell me. So, there won't be any surprises. That's not to say that there won't be any bullshit along the way...just that when I ask if there's any bullshit going on...I will get an honest answer.
That feeling spreads to other apsects of a relationship and I think that everyone benefits from that type of honesty. Unfortunately, a lot of people are out there never quite sure what's going on with their partners. I hated living that way and I'm tickled pink that I don't have to do that anymore.
I've finally figured something out. I had suspected it all along but now I'm sure...it's NOT me!!!!! I am not a crazy, insanely jealous wench pycho bitch from hell! Rick drove me to some crazy behavior and turned an otherwise (relatively) normal woman and turned her into a jealous nut, constantly looking for signs of a lie do jour. When Rick would be having his affairs, I would sense the change in his behavior towards me but he always denied any wrong doing. He even went so far as to tell me that there was nothing wrong and that any problems I had were "all in my head" and that I should get "professional help" in dealing with my "trust issues".
I even fell for it a couple of times, going to counselors who eventually told me that I had no problems, but rather that I had reason to be suspicious and that marital counseling was what was called for. Rick never went to more than one meeting with these professionals but continued to tell me that I had trust issues and when I would tell him that his behavior was "driving me crazy", he would just tell me that I was, "doing it to myself.
The purpose of this post isn't to fault Rick or even to attempt to place blame at all...we're all responsible for our own lives and I stayed with Rick after more than one affair, far too many lies and even violence. I wasn't perfect either so I'm not at all trying to attack him here. I'm just explaining something in the hopes that perhaps someone else can benefit from my experience.
I'm with an honest man. I haven't been with one of those animals...ever. For the first time, I have absolutely no reason to doubt anthing that he says and I like that. I don't find myself looking for hidden meanings and analyzing everything that he says, looking for discrepencies. After years of being lied to, it was difficult to listen to Rick without trying to find the bullshit in whatever it was he was saying. When I get in Chip's car...I don't find myself looking for other women's make-up...because he's been so upfront and honest with me that I know that I have nothing to worry about. If I do see something that belongs to another woman, I know who it belonged to and why it's there because he has always told me about the other women in his life, whether I asked him or not.
You have no idea how nice it is to know that I am not and inherently jealous woman and that I'm actually a pretty normal women who doesn't at all mind a man who wants to go out "with the boys" for a few drinks after work...because I know that that's exactly what it is...the guys going out for a few drinks after work. People do things like that without cheating on their partners. At least some of them do. There are some people (ex husband's of mine that shall remain nameless) who can't even go to a gas station without hitting on the attendant behind the counter. He couldn't tell the truth about staring at another woman's ass. Chip will look right at the ass and tell me it looks nice. I like that...his total honesty when he does something negative like that lets me know that he would be honest with me about something easy like the positive stuff like, "I love you."
I consider myself very lucky to have figured this out. I love that relaxing feeling of knowing that I have nothing to worry about from one day to the next. If he met someone else...he's the kind of man who would tell me. So, there won't be any surprises. That's not to say that there won't be any bullshit along the way...just that when I ask if there's any bullshit going on...I will get an honest answer.
That feeling spreads to other apsects of a relationship and I think that everyone benefits from that type of honesty. Unfortunately, a lot of people are out there never quite sure what's going on with their partners. I hated living that way and I'm tickled pink that I don't have to do that anymore.
posted by Meg Kelso | 12:15 PM
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