What does it take...
...for a person to trust again after being cheated upon over and over again? How does a woman (or a man for that matter), recognize an honorable human being when she has never seen one before? How do you learn to trust after decades of dishonesty?
There's a man who has been trying to tell me that he cares for me and I have been looking for signs that he was lieing about that. There's nothing more than I would rather believe than the man is telling me the truth, but how can I when I've never had a man do that in the past? How do I keep him from paying the price for what other's have done?
In the poll question where I asked if a person would ever cheat on their spouse, the overwhelming majority answered, "Never." They are answering anonymously so I have no reason to believe that they would lie. So, why is it that I can't believe that such a man exists for me? I'm a nice lady, I'm a faithful woman, I'm educated, friendly, somewhat attractive and I have a heart full of love to give. So, what's the problem?
The problem is that I wouldn't recognize honor if it slapped me in the face with a wet washcloth. How could I? I've never seen it before. I don't know what it looks like. I'm not going to beat myself up over it, that would serve no purpose. But I've got to get it through my thick skull that a man could, absolutely, mean it when he says that he cares.
I've justified my mistrust by looking for lies like a physicist looks for sub atomic particles. Every imperfection, every semi-questionable situation, every mispoken word has been scrutinized with the tenacity of a wolverine. Why?
I understand it, I just don't know how to fix it. My mother said that I "look for reasons to end a relationship before the man has a chance to hurt me" and she must have been right. I push them away, subconsciously, yet effectively.
It was pointed out to me that I was doing it again...and this time to a man who has given me no reason to doubt him. Rather, he has done everything in his power to prove himself to me. So, rather than trust him until he gave me a reason not to, I distrusted him until he accomplished the impossible task of earning the trust of a woman who has been disappointed at every turn.
Tonight, I did it again. I didn't plan to do it. I didn't even know that I was doing it. But, do it, I did. Damn.
I haven't totally blown it, I think...and I hope that I don't. The best that I can do at this point is make an effort to put away my fears and my past and, as he said, "Just don't push me away." He followed it with the following request, "I'm not asking you to DO anything, I'm just asking you NOT to do something, just don't push me away." That should be simple enough, shouldn't it?
Alrighty then.
Meg
...for a person to trust again after being cheated upon over and over again? How does a woman (or a man for that matter), recognize an honorable human being when she has never seen one before? How do you learn to trust after decades of dishonesty?
There's a man who has been trying to tell me that he cares for me and I have been looking for signs that he was lieing about that. There's nothing more than I would rather believe than the man is telling me the truth, but how can I when I've never had a man do that in the past? How do I keep him from paying the price for what other's have done?
In the poll question where I asked if a person would ever cheat on their spouse, the overwhelming majority answered, "Never." They are answering anonymously so I have no reason to believe that they would lie. So, why is it that I can't believe that such a man exists for me? I'm a nice lady, I'm a faithful woman, I'm educated, friendly, somewhat attractive and I have a heart full of love to give. So, what's the problem?
The problem is that I wouldn't recognize honor if it slapped me in the face with a wet washcloth. How could I? I've never seen it before. I don't know what it looks like. I'm not going to beat myself up over it, that would serve no purpose. But I've got to get it through my thick skull that a man could, absolutely, mean it when he says that he cares.
I've justified my mistrust by looking for lies like a physicist looks for sub atomic particles. Every imperfection, every semi-questionable situation, every mispoken word has been scrutinized with the tenacity of a wolverine. Why?
I understand it, I just don't know how to fix it. My mother said that I "look for reasons to end a relationship before the man has a chance to hurt me" and she must have been right. I push them away, subconsciously, yet effectively.
It was pointed out to me that I was doing it again...and this time to a man who has given me no reason to doubt him. Rather, he has done everything in his power to prove himself to me. So, rather than trust him until he gave me a reason not to, I distrusted him until he accomplished the impossible task of earning the trust of a woman who has been disappointed at every turn.
Tonight, I did it again. I didn't plan to do it. I didn't even know that I was doing it. But, do it, I did. Damn.
I haven't totally blown it, I think...and I hope that I don't. The best that I can do at this point is make an effort to put away my fears and my past and, as he said, "Just don't push me away." He followed it with the following request, "I'm not asking you to DO anything, I'm just asking you NOT to do something, just don't push me away." That should be simple enough, shouldn't it?
Alrighty then.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 8:17 PM
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