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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Dear Meg,

A couple of years ago I met a great man named Mike and I fell in love with him. He is such a hottie and he's a drummer and I love drummers. He's everything that I love in a man like he is tall. He's the tallest man that I ever dated like 6 feet and 6 inches tall. He has long curly hair that comes down right below his shoulders and I love long hair on men. I met him at a bar that I go to all the time and everytime that I saw him he was alone or sitting at the bar talking to some other guy. Never did I ever see him with a woman. One day I had to much to drink and I didn't want to drive home so I asked him to drive me to my house. He did and then we came inside and we made out.
After that he started coming by and we had sex. I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. He said he loved me. So you see I was really in love with him. His band plays on Monday nights once a month and I always went to see him play. Then I found out he was married. I was already in love with him and he told me that he was only with his wife because she made more money than he does and she is older than him so I think he thinks of her as a mother figure and isn't really in love with her. They had a big fight and he moved out for a few weeks but she bought him a car so he moved back to live with her and said that he couldn't afford to leave her. I am to much in love and it isn't my fault because he never told me he was married and we were in love by the time I found out about his wife. I never knew because he didn't tell me and he took me to his house but I found out that she left town occasionally and that's when he would take me to his house.
My problem is that I am waiting for him to leave her. Should I tell her about us or should I just wait until he leaves her? They don't have any kids so we won't be breaking up a family when we finally get together. If she knew about me she would leave him so I want to know what you think. Would you leave your husband if you found out that he was having an afiar? Could you ask your readers a poll question if they would leave if they found out that there husband was cheating? It would really help me because I don't know whether or not to tell her. Thank you and I enjoy reading your blog. I live near you and he lives in the same town you live in Marietta.

Well. I don't even know where to start. First of all, you can't possibly believe that you are innocent just because he lied to you. Once you found out that he was married you should have left and QUICKLY! I get so disgusted by people who think that they're not to blame simply because they didn't know that they were involved with a married man at first. That line of crap, "I was already in love by the time I found out." is bullshit. Women who think that screwing a married man is OK because they didn't find out about the wife immediately are lying to themselves as much as the guy lied to them.

I think that anyone who reads your email knows that you are being used for sex and nothing else. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. I don't know whether or not he loves his wife but he sure as hell loves her money too much to leave her for you. And, if you tell his wife, he will hate you for it because if she DID leave and took her money with her, he will blame you and you will never be happy with him unless you have a lot more cash than she has. You must not or he would have left her and started using you and your money instead of staying with his wife and her money.

As to your question, would I have left Rick, I don't know. That would depend on so many things. I didn't leave him after the first few affairs even though I should have. Every women is different and I can't second guess this poor woman any more than you can. But I can tell you one thing for SURE...once a cheat, always a cheat. He'll being cheating on you so quickly that you would surely know the meaning of karma.

By the way, just because a couple doesn't have children doesn't mean that they aren't a family. You would, indeed, be breaking up a family and that's despicable.

I don't even need to ask any questions of my readers. Most of them are decent people and they're bright enough to see what eludes you. You're rationalizing everything that you're doing and no one else is stupid enough to see your situation for anything other than what it is, a trashy couple of people who are too selfish and unethical to do the right thing because all either one of you care about is sex and yourselves. The rest of the world, at least the decent people, can see right through everything that Mike and you are doing, even if neither of you can.

Women like you deserve men like that so I actually hope that he does leave her for you. Then the two of you will live the miserable life that trash is supposed to live.


Blogger The Drummer's Wife said...

Honey, I am a drummer's wife, and older than he is. And no, he's not Mike. But let me tell you a little about the down side of being a drummer's wife before you get lost in that 'love ' fantasy, let me tell you what her life is like:
1. There's long hours where he is away from home, forget weekends, his being home for romantic dinners out, cozy evenings at home... he's gotta gig and your sitting at home (and given how you met him, what is HE doing while YOU are sitting at home waiting.
2.You are always competing with the music in his head. Honey, unless you catch him on the down beat - he's not listening to you! My drummer boy constantly has a beat going on in his head.
3. His life looks exciting from the outside looking in. But if he is a real musician, dedicated to crafting his art, staying at the top of his game, it's hard work, hours of practice. If this his only type of work, then he has to constantly looking for new gigs and opportunities. Again, you don't follow him around...
4. Take the blinders off. Chances are if he is playing in bar, he's a part-time wanna be drummer who's drinking through what he earns. He probably couldn't do a quality lick or fill if he wanted to. No wonder she has to support him.

This guy is a loser. The kind that give all good talented musicians who work hard making music a bad name. So my advice to you is - Grow up, find out who you are,respect yourself and other women, don't fall in love with the profession, fall in love with the person....

July 13, 2006  
Blogger Meg said...

Well, I couldn't have said THAT better. I think that the nut chasing married drummers has a few more problems than her married drummer. Her brain is on a level few ever sink to.


July 13, 2006  

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