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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

You know...

...I always seem to be the last person to hear about the lastest trends in body art, mutilation or decoration. When I hear about the newest thing that people are doing to their bodies, I always think, "Why in the world would anyone do that to themselves?"

When people began piercing their noses, tongues and other more sensitive areas of their bodies, I would cringe at the thought of having a hole placed in any one of those many places. When I saw people start tatooing themselves all over, I thought, "What will that look like in just ten short years and how sorry will they be then?" When people started body waxing, I just thought, "OUCH!"

A couple of years ago I heard that one of the newest plastic surgeries was one where people had the second toes on their feet shortened so that it wasn't longer than their big toe. I couldn't believe that doctors would risk a bone infection to satisfy some insecure person's poor body image.

I've never understood hair implants but then again, I've always snickered at what a bald man would do or believe once their hair starts falling out. When I met Rick, he had bottles and bottles of stuff "guaranteed" to grow hair on a bald head. When I would see that stuff in his bathroom cabinets, I would just shut the cabinets quietly and sort of giggle to myself.

Now, there seems to be a new fad sweeping the nation and this is one that I never even knew was a problem. Well, I take that back, I knew Rick had the problem, but I thought it was just staining from his rotten ass wiping. At first, I thought it was a joke, but apparently, it's a real process that people actually pay money for:

A hot topic racing across the Internet is the subject of Anal Bleaching. People are desperate to know if it is real or just another urban myth. Well, Crappers Quarterly went under cover and behind the scenes to find out the truth about Anal Bleaching and its sister treatment Vaginal Bleaching.
The first thing you need to know about Anal Bleaching is that it is REAL!

Now, if Rick wants to keep women from wondering why his ass is all brown, he can just get it bleached.

My initial curiosity though, is whether or not I would need the sister treatment. I've never had any complaints about mine and I've never taken a really good look myself. So, I'm not sure if my "color" is acceptable.

Of course, I've never even considered what was going on down there but now I have to wonder. I would hate to find out that I'm the wrong color. If I am, I'll just have to live with it because I'm not putting any chemicals or lasers downtown. If I were to find out that I'm lacking in perfection down there, I'd just have to turn the lights out so that I can camoflage the less than normal coloration of my...coochie.

I'll have to do some checking online to find out what normal is and then squat over a mirror to find out how I rank. I probably won't do that but if I get bored enough...who knows. I was finally beginning to live with the fact that I lost most of my boobs when I lost all that weight and now I have to worry about what color I am down there. Damn, just when my self esteem was beginning to come back after what Rick did to me...now I have to sit back and wait for society to tell me what's wrong with me.

Oh well. It used to be easy to follow the trends, you just changed clothes. Even back in the 60's when pointy tits were in style, all you had to do when rounded ones came into fashion was buy a new bra. But nowadays, all of the new trends are rather permanent so when they go out of style, what are you supposed to do? I think that I'll just keep myself the way that I am and hope that natural women come into fashion back sooner rather than later.

I hate most of the new fashions and I've been around long enough to know that none of them last for very long. When pointy toed shoes came into style, I hated them so I never bought any. I just walked around wearing my rounded toed shoes and hoped for the best. Eventually, those pointy toed shoes DID leave the covers of the fashion magazines. But, should I go and get a tattoo, what would I do when they go out of style...and they will!

As a nurse, I've seen what implants do to a woman after a few dacades. I had one patient who had what must have been the very first breast implants ever. She must have been a thousand years old and those implants were still right where Hypocrates put them. They were still nice and round and the surgeon who put them there would have been proud at how long they lasted. But there was one problem. The woman's original tits had left the area. They were somewhere under her arms when she was lying on her back.

I had to wonder, what would an old man go for...the rounded things on her chest that resemble boobs...or would he try to be a gentleman and go hunting for the nipples that may or may not still have some sensation left in them?

As I said before, those little blue pills combined with all of those plastic surgeries are going to lead to some frightening escapades.

Whatever. I just wonder who was the first doctor that said, "Oh, don't worry, that brown area can be fixed!" And, I wonder about something else...if brown asses are an option with white people, what do black people have?

"These are the things that bother me, not a lot of things across some sea."

Well, I'm gonna go think about some other stupid things.



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