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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Good morning!

Today I'm going to go back out in the yard and take down some more of the weeds along the fence line. I got a bunch of them yesterday but so much of the mess is honeysuckle and I don't know how to get that stuff off of the fence once it's woven itself in and out of the fence. If I ever get some extra cash I'm going to see if a bum will knock on the door and offer to do yard work.

They always seems to come when I don't have any money. Of course, the last bum to work for me did a rotten job. He cleaned out my gutters and when he did, I had to rake the crap out from all around the house. Maybe I'll call Chem-Lawn and see if they can just come, spray my entire yard with poison and then I can start over. Those are the kinds of things that I dream about if I win the lottery. Sad, isn't it?

OH! I was offered a job yesterday but it was one with a hospice and you need a car to drive around in so I can't take that job right now. I need to see if there's anyway that I can get a driver's license to use for work. You can do that within 10 days after you get the original ticket but no one tells you that until the 10 days are past so I was screwed. But, if I spoke to some judge, maybe he would give me some sort of special dispensation to drive as long as I'm serving mankind...ya think?

One way or another, I have to see if I can get through this next probation meeting without being sent to jail. I'm dong everything I'm supposed to do and even a few things the PO just suggested that I do. Of course, the thing that she suggested could get me in more trouble than other things have gotten me into.

My man-friend has begun acting a bit nicer. I guess my attitude problem is finally getting through to him. He's been a pretty nice guy this past week or so. This better not be one of those, "I'll be nice to her until I feel as though she's had enough of niceness and then I'll go back and act like a nit wit again." I'm used to that trick and I'm ready for it. I can be as sweet as pie if it's the right thing to do but if I feel like I'm being dumped on, I can rise my ass above the jerk and crap all over him once and for all.

Most of us have the ability to act like bitches, we don't all do it, but we certainly can if we feel the need. It's just that most of us have different bitch tolerances. One woman might be a bitch if her man forgets to bring home dinner and another woman might be a bitch if she's cheated on. A man will never know until he pushes us all the way and that's not really a smart thing for them to do because they could end up at negative return. (That's a term that I learned from the space shuttle launch the other day.)

I have a very high bitch tolerance. Hell, it took close to 25 years of being treated like crap and cheated upon before I wrote this damn blog. I waited so long that by the time I was ready to be a bitch, I was a good one. I've heard from so many people who have been screwed by their spouses since I started writing this thing that I'm stunned at how many women just sit and let this crap happen. It isn't their faults, they are the ones who are trusting their husbands and being screwed for it. Luckily, I usually get a follow up email about how the woman's husband has totally screwed themselves one way or another after they dumped their wives and left with some bimbo. That's always fun to hear about. I thought that I should create a toast for all women who have been dumped by cheating husbands:

Here's to you, my partner in life;
In your back, I hope to find a knife.
Here's to your next blow job
Hoping she bites off your big useless knob.
When you steal a peek at some strange chicks butt,
Here's hoping you get slapped by your own little slut.
And when her sleazy self finds a new guy,
Here's hoping that you just cry and cry.
And when life finds you at the very end,
Your last alimony check I will spend and spend.
So, barkeep! Another round for the entire house,
We'll charge it all to my ex louse!

So, when my probation is over, this is the toast that I will use when I am able to have my next legal drink!

But, for the time being, I have to do the dishes. Damn it.



Blogger Karin's Korner said...

You are a riot!! No wonder I keep coming back day after day to read what you have to say. You never fail to put a smile on my face :). I was one of those women who sat around and got dumped on for almost 20 years and then something amazing happened, I grew big fat balls and told him bye bye :) So...when it is time for your big toast please let us know in advance, I am sure that there are a lot of your readers who would like to be there and toast with you. I am only in NC, I can be there in a day.

July 07, 2006  
Blogger Meg said...


You will know when that is and you'll most certainly be invited. I can't wait myself. Anyone who wants to come to my end of probation party will be welcome, we'll all raise our glasses in toast to our ex's and then we'll call a cab for the ride home.


July 07, 2006  
Blogger Meg said...

By the way, those big fat balls are great to have!

July 07, 2006  
Blogger SolarisGal said...

Yeah, galpals!
We're totally going to raise them glasses!!

July 07, 2006  
Blogger Meg said...

OK then...we women can do the toast, but we'll have the guys show up an hour later so we'll be good and buzzed by the time they get there. Who else will pay for all of those drinks?


July 08, 2006  
Anonymous Emily said...

I JUST found out about my husband's affair. I don't forsee myself ever having the ability to move on and makes jokes and enjoy life. I'll make him pay...


July 13, 2006  

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