Hello there!!!

I got a comment from someone who didn't want me to publsih the comment, they were just curious as to why I haven't gotten myself a "steady beau" as of yet.

It did get me thinking. It's been two years since I've seen Rick but it all happened so quickly that I'm still pretty much stunned. I never got the closure (and I hate that word but it fits here) that I needed. I needed the truth. I still need the truth. I am sort of stuck in limbo because I don't know what the hell happened.

I'm not sure how to feel about all of this because I don't know what "all of this"even was. I don't know what happened so I can't figure out how to deal with what happened. I have to get past that because it doesn't look like I'll ever hear what happened from Rick...and there's nobody else calling me to clue me in so I am just stuck. I'm obviously not ready for a relationship.

But, who's to say if the right guy came along...I might just find myself in a relationship. I am sort of like the people on Seinfeld...I find stupid little things wrong with people. I see their faults so easily that I can't get past them. If they had some good traits to make up for the bad ones, that'd be different. But most of them don't.

And then there are the odd ones, like the guy that Rick thought that I was cheating with. This guy and I were always only friends. When I finally did get divorced, nothing changed. Even though we would go to his house and watch a movie in the dark with arms over shoulders...there wasn't anything beyond that. I was totally unnerved over that one. He called not too long ago to say hello after I hadn't heard from him in about a year. Whatever.

And when the hurt is still there, you have to wonder why and I don't like doing that. It might mean that I still care more than I want to and I'm not in the mood for that.

Of course, there's always the fact that I do enjoy the single crap anyway...I like knowing that if I see a guy that I like, I can go after him without feeling guilty about it. That's cool. I've always said that the best part of being dumped is the new men and I do enjoy them. I can't give that up for just anybody.

I still make something out of Rick's phone calls and the fact that I see that he's been reading the blog. I over analyze it like we women do and it still makes me a bit nutsy so I try to keep that shit to a minimum.

Oh well. I'm still waiting for Mr. Chemistry dude, he's running late and I hope that he gets here before the store closes...I need to get that cook top tonight!

See ya,

Meg