Hi there!!!

I sat down to write a less facetious list of tips for those who dare to engage in the risky business of love and the first thought I had was that a rather large number of the tips that I would be bi-sexual.

Wait a minute...bisexual? Is that the right word? Perhaps unisexual would be a better choice of verbiage.

Let me say that I am more than elated that we do not live in a day and age when either partner in a relationship is expected to take a subservient role. Although we all have our faults...I think that most of us want the same things out of life. And, for the most part, we want the same things out of a relationship. So, I think we can start there.

We all want someone who enjoys spending time with us doing relatively boring things like yard work, taking walks in the early evening and refinishing old wood furniture. We look for fun things to do as well...things like ball games, museums and comedy clubs. We also talk over coffee, watch movies cuddled up on the couch and cook Belgian waffles on Sunday morning while the man is reading the newspaper.

I don't think of the waffle thing as being sexist at all. The reason is because any man for whom we would be preparing waffles has served us breakfast in bed. He does that because he knows that we show our appreciation well. And...he shows us his appreciation as well...we love lying on the bed with a smile on our faces, just thinking about him and the way he makes us feel.

We want a man who can't keep his hands off of us when we're lying naked next to each other. I know that we'll be feeling every inch of him. He works so hard at trying to please us that our cheeks hurt (face cheeks, not butt cheeks) from smiling for so long. His efforts inspire us to be the best he's ever had because we can sense that he is pulling out every trick in his little book as well.

He has a job, one that he enjoys and makes him feel good about himself. He does his best to do a great job at work and he challenges us to do our best at our own jobs in return. We would expect him to respect any bizarre hours that we may have to work...and in return, we'll do the same for him. We both want to be our own personal best especially for the other and together we are a success.

It never, ever occurs to us that something he says might be untrue because we have never caught him being anything less than honest and honorable with us. We would never lie to him either because we couldn't stand to see the hurt in his eyes if we ever DID lie to him.

We should all listen to each other. If your partner has a problem that they would like to discuss, do not respond with a probelm of your own. Make an appointment to vent your concerns later. For now, help the person that you love stop hurting.

Now, here are some sex-specific tips that I think we can all benefit from:

LADIES:

Don't belittle the man who loves you, that is an exquisite pain that he doesn't deserve. If you honestly feel as though he DOES deserve it, let him go and find someone you can respect.

Tell him how much you appreciate the things that he does for you. Be smart...use positive reinforcement in the bed to get him to do more nice things.

Get a prescription for Xanax if you suffer from severe PMS, it works great.

Your goal in life...to create a home that he will want to come home to.

He can't read your mind...tell him what you need. He isn't ignoring you...men simply ARE that dense.

Cultivate respect using love and reciprocal respect.

Never raise your voice in anger.

Let him teach you how to suck his dick exactly the way he likes it.

MEN:

Don't treat your wife like she's an idiot, even if she is. Keep in mind that she has feelings and you hold the power make her feel confident and desired or useless and ugly. A woman who feels beautiful and sexy will act like a beautiful, sexy woman. You have the power to control which way your woman behaves in bed.

Offer to spend a Saturday afternoon making a lovely Chinese dinner for two from scratch...together. Act as if you enjoy it and who knows, you just might!

Bring her surprise gifts every so often...flowers, chocolates, jewelry or even a gift certificate to her favorite store...for no reason at all. OH! Do everything within you power to remember birthdays and anniversaries!!!! (By the way, no gift certificates for those days!)

Grab a blanket and a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and head to the country for a picnic.
Make sure that she enjoys sex as much as you do. If she does...she'll want it as badly and as often as you do, too!

Put her first in every situation possible. If you put another persons needs in front of those of your woman's, you had better have a damned good reason. If you've built up trust by being honest and ordinarily DO put her needs first, she'll forgive you when she occasionally finds herself a little lower on your list of priorities.

Your goal in life: When your wife makes your home a great place to come home to...your job is to come home.

Never raise your voice in anger, much less your hands!

Ask your woman to teach you exactly how she likes her pussy sucked.


There really are no rules that apply to every couple. Hell, that's what makes them right for each other...the chemistry that they have when they're together. That special mixture of interests, outlooks and perceptions that make two people compatible.

Of course, there are some universal traits that every healthy relationship has. The most important of these are respect, honesty and the ability to compromise. Choose your battles carefully and keep your eye on the prize.

You know...my plan was to make this funny and it didn't come out funny at all. So, tomorrow I'm going to write it AGAIN...only this time I'll do it in funny way...hopefully I won't offend anyone....aw hell...screw 'em if they can't take a joke!

Ciao!

Meg