Well,
It could always be worse. The following article came from a Good Housekeeping magazine dated May, 13th, 1955. You'll have to excuse me, I need to go put a bow in my hair and practice my "low, soothing and pleasant voice".
Enjoy!
The Good Wife's Guide
* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. HE has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
* Be a little gay and a little more interested for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
* Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
* Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
* Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, elimintate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
* Be happy to see him.
* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
*Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
* Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
* Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
* Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
* A good wife always knows her place.
Remember ladies, don't say a word if he stay out all night...he may have had a tough day! Besides, you have no right to question him! Oh no, not the "master"!
Meg
Here is the updated version:
On May 13th, 19555, Good Housekeeping Magazine published an list of do’s and don’ts wifes. At least they SAID that it was for wifes. I think husbands would have benefitted more. Anyway, after over 53 years, I thought that it was time for an update. So, I’m printing both lists. I’ve blended them together and listed the 53 year old tenets followed by the current marital equivalents and I added this new part to this post in August, 2008:
* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
2008-Think about dinner early in the day. Plan ahead make reservations for the good table by the window. Most men are hungry when they come home and if you plan dinner well, you won’t have to wash one damn dish.* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives.
Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. HE has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
2008-Prepare yourself. Go to the local nail salon and have a mani-pedi so that you don’t have any hangnails. Put some cucumber slices on your eyes, you’ve just been a work weary person for the entire day. Put a ribbon next to the bed so that you can tie your husband up with it later.
* Be a little gay and a little more interested for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
2008-Be a little gay and ask your best girlfriend to go on a cruise with you. Your boring week might need a lift and you owe it to yourself to provide it.
* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
2008-Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house and pick up any dildoes that you might have left lying around before your husband arrives.
* Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
2008-Tell the kids to GET THEIR CRAP OF THE KITCHEN TABLE!
* Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
2008-During the warmer months of the year, have a bikini wax. Your husband will be much more comfortable eating his box lunch and after all, if you make it easier for him, he will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
* Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, elimintate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
2008-Get rid of the children. Take them to your mother’s house and let Grandma have fun. They are little darlings but no one wants them there all the fricking time. Minimize all noise. Turn off the computer, the TV and slam the dryer door so that no one sees the clothes waiting to be folded.
* Be happy to see him.
2008-Be happy he isn’t screwing some nasty co-worker.
* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
2008-Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to serve him a furburger.
*Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
2008-Listen to him. Be sure that today’s story matches yesterday’s. Let him talk first, remember, his topics of converstaion can be very telling.
* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
2008-Make the evening yours. Apologize if he had to wait 3 hours for you but just explain that there are some places of entertainment that you’d rather go to without him. Tell him that you live in a world of strain and pressure. Then tell him that if he doesn’t shut up, you won’t come home at all tomorrow night.
* Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
2008-Your goal, to get the bills paid so you can have some cash left over for a peaceful, tranquil vacation in the South Pacific.
* Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
2008-Don’t bother complaining, get the yellow pages out and call someone over to fix whatever needs fixing. Then, give your hubby the bill.
* Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
2008-Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out night. Just kiss him as he leaves for work in the morning and then call your attorney. Then, clean out the bank accounts before he gets home from work.
* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
2008-Get comfortable. Text message your hubby to meet you in the bedroom where you’re relaxing with a nice stuff drink.
* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
2008-Arrange a pillow so that you can serve him that furburger without straining your back. Tell him to take off your panties. Moan in a soothing and pleasant voice, asking politely for him to “make you howl like a wolf”.
* Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
2008-Don’t ask him questions about his actions. Chances of getting the truth out of him are next to nothing. Remember, he is a man and as such will always tell you exactly what you want to hear. It’s no use to question him. Call Cheaters instead.
* A good wife always knows her place.
2008-A good husband never gets 2 orgasms up on his wife.
OK then. I guess we have the new rules pretty well established.
It could always be worse. The following article came from a Good Housekeeping magazine dated May, 13th, 1955. You'll have to excuse me, I need to go put a bow in my hair and practice my "low, soothing and pleasant voice".
Enjoy!
The Good Wife's Guide
* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. HE has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
* Be a little gay and a little more interested for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
* Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
* Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
* Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, elimintate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
* Be happy to see him.
* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
*Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
* Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
* Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
* Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
* A good wife always knows her place.
Remember ladies, don't say a word if he stay out all night...he may have had a tough day! Besides, you have no right to question him! Oh no, not the "master"!
Meg
Here is the updated version:
On May 13th, 19555, Good Housekeeping Magazine published an list of do’s and don’ts wifes. At least they SAID that it was for wifes. I think husbands would have benefitted more. Anyway, after over 53 years, I thought that it was time for an update. So, I’m printing both lists. I’ve blended them together and listed the 53 year old tenets followed by the current marital equivalents and I added this new part to this post in August, 2008:
* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
2008-Think about dinner early in the day. Plan ahead make reservations for the good table by the window. Most men are hungry when they come home and if you plan dinner well, you won’t have to wash one damn dish.* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives.
Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. HE has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
2008-Prepare yourself. Go to the local nail salon and have a mani-pedi so that you don’t have any hangnails. Put some cucumber slices on your eyes, you’ve just been a work weary person for the entire day. Put a ribbon next to the bed so that you can tie your husband up with it later.
* Be a little gay and a little more interested for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
2008-Be a little gay and ask your best girlfriend to go on a cruise with you. Your boring week might need a lift and you owe it to yourself to provide it.
* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
2008-Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house and pick up any dildoes that you might have left lying around before your husband arrives.
* Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
2008-Tell the kids to GET THEIR CRAP OF THE KITCHEN TABLE!
* Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
2008-During the warmer months of the year, have a bikini wax. Your husband will be much more comfortable eating his box lunch and after all, if you make it easier for him, he will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
* Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, elimintate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
2008-Get rid of the children. Take them to your mother’s house and let Grandma have fun. They are little darlings but no one wants them there all the fricking time. Minimize all noise. Turn off the computer, the TV and slam the dryer door so that no one sees the clothes waiting to be folded.
* Be happy to see him.
2008-Be happy he isn’t screwing some nasty co-worker.
* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
2008-Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to serve him a furburger.
*Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
2008-Listen to him. Be sure that today’s story matches yesterday’s. Let him talk first, remember, his topics of converstaion can be very telling.
* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
2008-Make the evening yours. Apologize if he had to wait 3 hours for you but just explain that there are some places of entertainment that you’d rather go to without him. Tell him that you live in a world of strain and pressure. Then tell him that if he doesn’t shut up, you won’t come home at all tomorrow night.
* Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
2008-Your goal, to get the bills paid so you can have some cash left over for a peaceful, tranquil vacation in the South Pacific.
* Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
2008-Don’t bother complaining, get the yellow pages out and call someone over to fix whatever needs fixing. Then, give your hubby the bill.
* Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
2008-Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out night. Just kiss him as he leaves for work in the morning and then call your attorney. Then, clean out the bank accounts before he gets home from work.
* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
2008-Get comfortable. Text message your hubby to meet you in the bedroom where you’re relaxing with a nice stuff drink.
* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
2008-Arrange a pillow so that you can serve him that furburger without straining your back. Tell him to take off your panties. Moan in a soothing and pleasant voice, asking politely for him to “make you howl like a wolf”.
* Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
2008-Don’t ask him questions about his actions. Chances of getting the truth out of him are next to nothing. Remember, he is a man and as such will always tell you exactly what you want to hear. It’s no use to question him. Call Cheaters instead.
* A good wife always knows her place.
2008-A good husband never gets 2 orgasms up on his wife.
OK then. I guess we have the new rules pretty well established.
posted by Meg Kelso | 8:08 AM
13 Comments:
Meg, why don't you revise that moronic "Good" Housekeeping article? Make it Good Housekeeping, 2007, by Meg B. Kelso.
Stick it on your blog - make sure future wives get to read it.
Yeah, like I HAVE 15 minutes just to rest up to cater to his every freakin whim. Puh-lease! And he can clear up his own effin clutter, thankyouverymuch. He's a grown man, and I refuse to pick up after him! And I AM happy to see him, 'cause then the babysitter goes home and he can take care of the not-so-quiet child. I'm working when he gets home. If I worked full time, I'd bring home more money than he does, and he earns a good salary. I just make 70 bucks an hour sitting on my fat ass in my living room, and I only do it 18 hours a week. Master, my ass. Yep, I do know my place. It's wherever the eff I wanna be at that particular moment.
I'd have some crazy old spinster if I'd been around then, 'cause there's no way I could live like that. Can you freakin imagine? UGH! It's like a scary episode of the Twilight Zone!
The Twilight Zone defines it just perfectly!
And yeah, I think it is time for an updated article about how a good husband should behave!
Give me a while and I will absolutely do that!
Thanks for the idea...I wish I'd had it!
Meg
PS If I had gotten any sleep last night, I probably would have, LOL.
As if I don't already have quite enough to contend with THAT sort of thing would be enough to turn me a Whole Lot Gay.
Now we know why becoming a lesbian was invented. :)
"Remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours." I just love this! I had seen it as a pass-around in email, and I can only assume it must have been written by June Cleaver on Valium!
Anne
Solaris,
You cracked me yp woth that one, too...that was great! See, you lost a man, but you got something much better in return...an excellent, sardonic sense of humor!
And ladies, I think I'd become a nun forst, but yeah, I do see why some women switched lanes!
Anne, June Cleaver on Valium, LOLOL!!!
You guyes crack me up!
Have a great day!!!! I have to spend half of mine in an MRI today, think about me!
Ciao,
Meg
The "Good Wife" article is most likely a fake, edited from an older 1950s magazine advertisement to sound more misogynistic.
http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp
"and practice my 'low, soothing and pleasant voice'"
Soooo ... you have a high, screechy voice?
Just askin'! LOL
Oh God, Anne, lets not bring up the Valium.
Lets leave the Valium for the cracked nutty lawyers.
Xanax is more acceptable.
And Meg,
Yes, you've picked up on my bitter sarcasm. OOOh, You're gooood!! But this is not something that we haven't already discussed.
My voice can screech if I want it to and it can be very reassuring if I want it to. It can also be just like Mickey Mouse if I want it to.
This may have been a fake, but "The rule of thumb" story was true.
Xanax is more than acceptable, it keeps me from committing crimes against Rick.
Meg
I really have to wonder, being raised in the 50s and 60s, just how many housewives actually wore skirts and aprons around the house. The "June Cleaver" mode is one I can't recall in my house. Mom wore a skirt at nice dinner parties, and she had aprons for the big dinners like Christmas and Thanksgiving. But I remember Mom in slacks. And shorts. And Dad in an apron for backyard grilling.
When I saw Mom doing the house work, she had a scarf around her hair, and was in grubby pants and a comfy blouse. And Mom ruled the roost, by gum! She's also a classy woman with style. LOL
Me, I'm just the disappointing son who could've ...
But she loves me. And what's better than that for a child, eh?
I must be one of the last women on the planet to wear an apron. I have the toughest time even finding them in the stores. I do wear one whenever I clean the house but I must admit that I don't wear pearls while I do the housework. I may even be dressed in your average housewife funky garb...but I still wear my apron. I hate getting dishwater on me.
My mother wore whatever she felt like wearing...like most housewives. But, one day she came to school to bring me my lunch money which I had forgotten that day. She walked into the school cafeteria wearing slippers, my father's socks, a nightgown hanging out from the bottom of her coat and her hair in curlers. I was in Jr. Hi and when someone asked me if that was my mother, I replied, "Nope. It's a poor lady from down the street that my mother pays to run errands for her." Sorry, Mom.
Meg
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