OK then...
...between myself and a few others who had some thoughts about how to keep another person happy, we've come up with quite a few suggestions for the opposite sex. With high hopes that we will, someday, understand each other if we keep on trying, here are some simple Do's and Don'ts to live by. Now, keep in mind that they comes from my own personal experiences and feel welcome to add some of your own Do's and Don'ts in the comment section. I can't cover everything, but here is a list that I came up with while reflecting upon my own marriage:
DO: Take a shower daily. I don't care how long you take, just be sure to wash all areas of your body...especially those close to where you'd like another person to visit.
DON'T: Carelessly wipe your ass in a manner that leaves more crap on your underpants than on the toilet paper. This is a good idea for a number of reasons.
DO: Send flowers every so often.
DON'T: Buy a dozen roses and send your wife 11 of them while taking the 12th to your bimbo's trailer.
DO: Be honest at all times, no matter how much bullshit you think you'll have to deal with. Remember, if you lie once, you'll spend years trying to build up the trust again.
DON'T: Tell your spouse stupid lies like, "That's not a hickey, I was playing football with the guys at work and this one dude put a nasty spin on the ball and it got me right in the throat!"
DO: Make love to your spouse when you feel frisky, it'll make him/her feel as thought he/she turns you on.
DON'T: Wait until your wife leaves the house and then jerk off to the fuzzy, slanted reception of some sex channel that you don't subscribe to.
DO: Use your imagination when making love to your spouse.
DON'T: Do the "You do me and I'll do you" dance that takes 8 minutes from commencement to the first snore.
DO: Help each other keep your home relatively tidy.
DON'T: Toss your clothes on the floor so that if you picked the bed up there would be a giant U made up of socks and underpants.
DO: Put some thought into shopping for your spouse.
DON'T: Purchase the dumbest thing you see just because it was close to the door of the store. For example, an $8 dollar doll that you wind up only to have it's head spin while playing "These are a Few of My Favorite Things" is not an appropriate gift for any women who doesn't collect spinning head dolls.
DO: Brush your teeth on a daily basis.
DON'T: Brush your teeth so rarely that when you DO start brushing your teeth every morning, you give your wife proof positive that you are cheating on her.
DO: See to it that you satisfy your partner whenever you make love.
DON'T: Ever get two orgasms up on your partner without returning the favor.
DO: Offer everybody's favorite...oral sex!!! And offer it often!
DON'T: Have the "If you can't fry it, I won't eat it" attitude.
DO: Hold your weight up while making love.
DON'T: Suffocate the woman underneath you...it will be the last time that she risks her life like that with you.
DO: Develop mutual goals and dreams.
DON'T: Live your life as though the only goals that you have are keeping the couch from levitating away and watching every karate movie ever made.
DO: Go to work to earn a living.
DON'T: Try to set a record for banging more co-workers than anyone else on the planet.
DO: Leave the lid up.
DON'T: Leave the lid up so that your skinny wife falls into the toilet in the middle of the night.
DO: Leave if you find someone else that you'd rather be with.
DON'T: Waste another person's life as they wait for you, staying faithful for years while you are out humping trailer trash. You might very well end up the subject of a blog that is available for the entire world to read.
I dedicate this list of Do's and Don'ts to my husband...Rick Allen Kelso.
Now, it's the weekend and I have a bunch of stupid crap to do. I need to write a proposal for a law firm offering my consulting services. This job will pay a LOT of money and I am really excited about it. So, please say a prayer for me and keep your fingers crossed so that I have all the help that I can get. If I can make a go of this consulting business, I will make more money than I can spend. Well, maybe not...but I'm not one who really enjoys shopping so I could easily save the money that I don't spend on bills. My goal is to be able to save the spousal support to use for tuition so that I can go back to school for the spring semester.
After I write the proposal, if I'm not too sick of writing, I'll be back to say hello. And then, with any luck at all, I'll go out this evening and play. I do love to play!
Ciao,
Meg
...between myself and a few others who had some thoughts about how to keep another person happy, we've come up with quite a few suggestions for the opposite sex. With high hopes that we will, someday, understand each other if we keep on trying, here are some simple Do's and Don'ts to live by. Now, keep in mind that they comes from my own personal experiences and feel welcome to add some of your own Do's and Don'ts in the comment section. I can't cover everything, but here is a list that I came up with while reflecting upon my own marriage:
DO: Take a shower daily. I don't care how long you take, just be sure to wash all areas of your body...especially those close to where you'd like another person to visit.
DON'T: Carelessly wipe your ass in a manner that leaves more crap on your underpants than on the toilet paper. This is a good idea for a number of reasons.
DO: Send flowers every so often.
DON'T: Buy a dozen roses and send your wife 11 of them while taking the 12th to your bimbo's trailer.
DO: Be honest at all times, no matter how much bullshit you think you'll have to deal with. Remember, if you lie once, you'll spend years trying to build up the trust again.
DON'T: Tell your spouse stupid lies like, "That's not a hickey, I was playing football with the guys at work and this one dude put a nasty spin on the ball and it got me right in the throat!"
DO: Make love to your spouse when you feel frisky, it'll make him/her feel as thought he/she turns you on.
DON'T: Wait until your wife leaves the house and then jerk off to the fuzzy, slanted reception of some sex channel that you don't subscribe to.
DO: Use your imagination when making love to your spouse.
DON'T: Do the "You do me and I'll do you" dance that takes 8 minutes from commencement to the first snore.
DO: Help each other keep your home relatively tidy.
DON'T: Toss your clothes on the floor so that if you picked the bed up there would be a giant U made up of socks and underpants.
DO: Put some thought into shopping for your spouse.
DON'T: Purchase the dumbest thing you see just because it was close to the door of the store. For example, an $8 dollar doll that you wind up only to have it's head spin while playing "These are a Few of My Favorite Things" is not an appropriate gift for any women who doesn't collect spinning head dolls.
DO: Brush your teeth on a daily basis.
DON'T: Brush your teeth so rarely that when you DO start brushing your teeth every morning, you give your wife proof positive that you are cheating on her.
DO: See to it that you satisfy your partner whenever you make love.
DON'T: Ever get two orgasms up on your partner without returning the favor.
DO: Offer everybody's favorite...oral sex!!! And offer it often!
DON'T: Have the "If you can't fry it, I won't eat it" attitude.
DO: Hold your weight up while making love.
DON'T: Suffocate the woman underneath you...it will be the last time that she risks her life like that with you.
DO: Develop mutual goals and dreams.
DON'T: Live your life as though the only goals that you have are keeping the couch from levitating away and watching every karate movie ever made.
DO: Go to work to earn a living.
DON'T: Try to set a record for banging more co-workers than anyone else on the planet.
DO: Leave the lid up.
DON'T: Leave the lid up so that your skinny wife falls into the toilet in the middle of the night.
DO: Leave if you find someone else that you'd rather be with.
DON'T: Waste another person's life as they wait for you, staying faithful for years while you are out humping trailer trash. You might very well end up the subject of a blog that is available for the entire world to read.
I dedicate this list of Do's and Don'ts to my husband...Rick Allen Kelso.
Now, it's the weekend and I have a bunch of stupid crap to do. I need to write a proposal for a law firm offering my consulting services. This job will pay a LOT of money and I am really excited about it. So, please say a prayer for me and keep your fingers crossed so that I have all the help that I can get. If I can make a go of this consulting business, I will make more money than I can spend. Well, maybe not...but I'm not one who really enjoys shopping so I could easily save the money that I don't spend on bills. My goal is to be able to save the spousal support to use for tuition so that I can go back to school for the spring semester.
After I write the proposal, if I'm not too sick of writing, I'll be back to say hello. And then, with any luck at all, I'll go out this evening and play. I do love to play!
Ciao,
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 10:52 AM
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