Dear Meg,
"...I've been with said boyfriend two years now, and have had enough. He lives with me. What's a good way to break it off?..."
Great Question!
So many variables come into play here, is he living in YOUR house? Did you guys get your own place? Has he treated you well? Would he flip if you were simply honest with him? I would always try honesty first unless I knew that it would get me harmed in some way. (If so, I would be sure to stop being alone with him, that's very important.)
As a dumpee who was dumped in the most heinous of ways...I would say that you should try the decent, honorable thing and just tell the guy that for whatever reasons, you are ready to move on. I usually said something like this, "There comes a time in all relationships where you realize that you need to get married or move on and I now feel the need to move on." I would be as loving and kind as I could be. If you guys are living in a jointly obtained place...you should offer to leave or at least leave it up to him as to how you two should dispose of the apartment. If he lives in your place, tell him that he has a generous time in which to find another place. If it's his place, just pack your stuff and tell him that you have to leave now. Tell him why, don't be afraid of the truth. It isn't always the easiest thing to do at the time, but in the long run, it will be much easier. And...it's always the RIGHT thing to do.
If he has been an ass...then you have some leeway here. If a guy had treated me poorly, I would just move out and leave a note. If it's your place and he's been an ass...then meet him at Denny's and tell him in public so that he can't throw a tantrum. Take your own car so that you can walk out and leave if you need to.
I guess the bottom line is that you know the situation better than anyone...and you probably inherently know the right thing to do...you just have to do it. And do it soon. If you read that last post...the point was that no one should waste their life with someone who they know they don't want to be with. If you know you can't love each other like you each deserve to be loved, then you need to just bite the bullet and get it over with.
It would be nice if they made it easy for you to be a jack ass about it...but be honest with yourself...don't make shit up just to justify rude behavior. Has he lied to you? Has he cheated? Is he a mean guy all around? Has he disrespected you? Has he consistently disregarded your feelings? If so, just do what you want to do and leave a note. Some people say that leaving a note is a crappy thing to do and maybe it is...but it's better than not doing anything.
In the long run, the most important thing is that you not waste your life. Don't sit around and do nothing for fear of change. If you don't take control of your life and change things when you want to change them, then you will be sitting back and letting life control you and that's no good. If there's one thing that I've learned in all of this...it's that. If you don't control the changes of your life, then someone else will. Or, if someone else doesn't control your life, then there will be no one in charge and you'll just be floating on the wind. So do what it is you know that you have to do.
So many people do what I did, they sit back and wish for things when all the while they could be working towards actually having the things that they want. I guess it's because we don't think that we are actually capable of certain things when in reality, we can do whatever it is we want to do. We just have to want it badly enough and believe in ourselves enough to dare to try the things that we want to try.
I've wanted to travel so much and all I did to obtain a ticket was to wait for life to take me somewhere. Well, the Earth didn't spin underneath me and put Paris under my feet. But, I do something as obvious as get a good job and work hard at doing the best job that I can and I could go to Paris tomorrow if I wanted to right now. It wouldn't be smart with the surgery coming up but right now I have enough in my savings account to go anywhere on the planet if I wanted to. Knowing that is good enough for now...I'll wait and do it when it's the smarter thing to do...but right now I know that I could do it and that's an amazing step for me.
You know, I learn as I say this stuff myself. It's really nothing more than writing things down and seeing them for what they are. So, I have faith that I'm not too different from most people. I think that all of us know what we should do...if we had a friend in our situation we could give them great advice. It's just a matter of being your own best friend. Tell yourself what's going on and then talk some sense into you. You can do it. Pretend you're speaking to your kid sister.
I bet you figure it out nicely.
Meg
"...I've been with said boyfriend two years now, and have had enough. He lives with me. What's a good way to break it off?..."
Great Question!
So many variables come into play here, is he living in YOUR house? Did you guys get your own place? Has he treated you well? Would he flip if you were simply honest with him? I would always try honesty first unless I knew that it would get me harmed in some way. (If so, I would be sure to stop being alone with him, that's very important.)
As a dumpee who was dumped in the most heinous of ways...I would say that you should try the decent, honorable thing and just tell the guy that for whatever reasons, you are ready to move on. I usually said something like this, "There comes a time in all relationships where you realize that you need to get married or move on and I now feel the need to move on." I would be as loving and kind as I could be. If you guys are living in a jointly obtained place...you should offer to leave or at least leave it up to him as to how you two should dispose of the apartment. If he lives in your place, tell him that he has a generous time in which to find another place. If it's his place, just pack your stuff and tell him that you have to leave now. Tell him why, don't be afraid of the truth. It isn't always the easiest thing to do at the time, but in the long run, it will be much easier. And...it's always the RIGHT thing to do.
If he has been an ass...then you have some leeway here. If a guy had treated me poorly, I would just move out and leave a note. If it's your place and he's been an ass...then meet him at Denny's and tell him in public so that he can't throw a tantrum. Take your own car so that you can walk out and leave if you need to.
I guess the bottom line is that you know the situation better than anyone...and you probably inherently know the right thing to do...you just have to do it. And do it soon. If you read that last post...the point was that no one should waste their life with someone who they know they don't want to be with. If you know you can't love each other like you each deserve to be loved, then you need to just bite the bullet and get it over with.
It would be nice if they made it easy for you to be a jack ass about it...but be honest with yourself...don't make shit up just to justify rude behavior. Has he lied to you? Has he cheated? Is he a mean guy all around? Has he disrespected you? Has he consistently disregarded your feelings? If so, just do what you want to do and leave a note. Some people say that leaving a note is a crappy thing to do and maybe it is...but it's better than not doing anything.
In the long run, the most important thing is that you not waste your life. Don't sit around and do nothing for fear of change. If you don't take control of your life and change things when you want to change them, then you will be sitting back and letting life control you and that's no good. If there's one thing that I've learned in all of this...it's that. If you don't control the changes of your life, then someone else will. Or, if someone else doesn't control your life, then there will be no one in charge and you'll just be floating on the wind. So do what it is you know that you have to do.
So many people do what I did, they sit back and wish for things when all the while they could be working towards actually having the things that they want. I guess it's because we don't think that we are actually capable of certain things when in reality, we can do whatever it is we want to do. We just have to want it badly enough and believe in ourselves enough to dare to try the things that we want to try.
I've wanted to travel so much and all I did to obtain a ticket was to wait for life to take me somewhere. Well, the Earth didn't spin underneath me and put Paris under my feet. But, I do something as obvious as get a good job and work hard at doing the best job that I can and I could go to Paris tomorrow if I wanted to right now. It wouldn't be smart with the surgery coming up but right now I have enough in my savings account to go anywhere on the planet if I wanted to. Knowing that is good enough for now...I'll wait and do it when it's the smarter thing to do...but right now I know that I could do it and that's an amazing step for me.
You know, I learn as I say this stuff myself. It's really nothing more than writing things down and seeing them for what they are. So, I have faith that I'm not too different from most people. I think that all of us know what we should do...if we had a friend in our situation we could give them great advice. It's just a matter of being your own best friend. Tell yourself what's going on and then talk some sense into you. You can do it. Pretend you're speaking to your kid sister.
I bet you figure it out nicely.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 7:26 PM
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