Meg,
"...I too have had that thought occur to me also, the bit about dating a younger man who has never had kids. For the exact same reasons as you posted about..."
That's because you and I have something that mistresses will never understand, consideration for other human beings. Decent people have the burden of thinking about other people and their feelings. I was dating a guy last year who was quite a bit younger than I. Every relationship comes to a point where you either need to commit for life or just part ways. I knew that we would never marry because he didn't have any kids.
There were other reasons as well, but when I told him that we needed to see other people, he wanted to know why. I told him that it was because I would never be able to give him children. He said that he didn't care and he would rather keep seeing me. But it wouldn't have been fair of me to even stay with him any longer because he told me that he thought he was falling in love with me. He was extremely attractive, a professional and would make someone a wonderful husband. It wouldn't have been very tough for me to fall in love with him if I had let myself, but I couldn't. I had to do what I did even though it hurt me to do it. It hurt him at the time, but wherever he is, I'm sure he's doing just fine now.
I could have kept seeing him for a bit longer, as a matter of fact, I really, really did want to. But when I thought about his parents and how they would react if he brought home a woman who was 12 years older AND a grandmother, I knew I didn't want to be in that position and I certainly didn't want him to really fall for me so I had to do what I did.
If you were reading a while back you might remember when I found out that a guy I was dating was married. We only went out a few times before I found out. But even if we had dated long enough for me to have fallen for him, I would have done the exact same thing as I did do, I would have dumped him. Even if I didn't give a hoot about his wife or his kids, I wouldn't have wanted a man who would have put me in the situation of being "the other woman". For a man to do that to a woman is quite rude and the women who don't mind are sleazeballs...totally. So, they certainly do deserve each other.
It's sort of like one of the reasons that I wouldn't cheat on my husband...I wouldn't have a man who would even WANT a married woman. I had too much respect for my husband and would never be happy with a man who would hurt my husband so much by screwing his wife. Even after I knew I was married to a liar and a cheat, I still wouldn't have cheated on him because I just wouldn't want someone who's morals were so non-existent as to sleep with a married woman. I still have to live with myself and even if I knew I could have gotten away with it, I wouldn't have done it.
And, there's no line of bullshit that could get me to sleep with a married man. Even if the crap he said about his wife was true (and smart women know better than to believe a cheating husband when he tells them how evil the wife is), I would just tell him to call me if he leaves her and the divorce is final. One of my rules for dating is not to date men who have been out of a long term relationship for less than 6 months and even THAT probably isn't long enough. Not only do I NOT want to be the other woman, I don't want to be the rebound woman either. Both roles are really, really bad roles and I don't want to play either one of them.
Lara (the lady who left that comment) is a decent soul and it heartens me to know that some of them are out there! For a while there, I was beginning to think that I was the only idiot around who wouldn't just see what they wanted and go right after it, no matter who was hurt in the process. Since I've been writing this blog, I've learned a lot about people, men as well as women. I've heard from men who have been cheated upon, women who've been cheated upon and people who haven't been cheated on but are still somehow touched by some of the things that I write about. I was in Georgia because Rick accepted a job down here and then we never went anywhere, we just made each other our lives...or so I thought. So, when he left, I didn't have a friend at all in this state. The blog people became my friends and after hearing the pain that so many people out there have gone through, I have a much better view of people than I did before the blog. There are far too many of them out there for me to take one that belongs to someone else and there are even enough that I don't have to take one who has a chance at finding a wife who could give them children.
I had never thought about that situation much at all, I was married for so long that it just never came up. But when I started dating again, I had to think about it because for some reason, I seem to attract younger men. I always have, I don't have a clue why that is. So, I won't be having a serious relationship with the guy that I'm seeing now. I don't know what I will do as far as he's concerned, but for right now, I'm enjoying his company. Now what I have to do is figure out exactly what I want out of this relationship and how long I should let it go on. I'll figure something out.
Oh well.
OH! Guess what I found today? A damned hickey on my neck! He and I made out a bit when we were at his house and I don't even remember when he could have done that. I must just bruise easily or something because if I had the SLIGHTEST idea that he was giving me a hickey, I would have stopped him on the spot. I don't remember the last time I had a fricking hickey! I do remember my first hickey, I was 15 and my mother saw it. She said to me, "Married people don't even do that!" I don't know what that was supposed to mean but I think she was right, I don't remember having a hickey from Rick. I have to work tomorrow night and I keep my hair back when I work so this should be interesting...covering it up with make-up would only make it more obvious so I have no idea how I'll pull that one off. This is NOT a problem that I've had in decades...are there any new hickey cures that I'm unaware of? A professional woman really shouldn't be walking around with a hickey. I can't even believe that I'm saying the word hickey.
OK...now I'm going to work on Infidelity, especially for Solaris...knowing that she's waiting for more makes me feel guilty (which is good!) so I'm going to spend some time there for her. The grandkids and their father are sleeping so I have the kitchen to myself and I'm going to take advantage of that right now. I hope I don't disappoint!
Meg
"...I too have had that thought occur to me also, the bit about dating a younger man who has never had kids. For the exact same reasons as you posted about..."
That's because you and I have something that mistresses will never understand, consideration for other human beings. Decent people have the burden of thinking about other people and their feelings. I was dating a guy last year who was quite a bit younger than I. Every relationship comes to a point where you either need to commit for life or just part ways. I knew that we would never marry because he didn't have any kids.
There were other reasons as well, but when I told him that we needed to see other people, he wanted to know why. I told him that it was because I would never be able to give him children. He said that he didn't care and he would rather keep seeing me. But it wouldn't have been fair of me to even stay with him any longer because he told me that he thought he was falling in love with me. He was extremely attractive, a professional and would make someone a wonderful husband. It wouldn't have been very tough for me to fall in love with him if I had let myself, but I couldn't. I had to do what I did even though it hurt me to do it. It hurt him at the time, but wherever he is, I'm sure he's doing just fine now.
I could have kept seeing him for a bit longer, as a matter of fact, I really, really did want to. But when I thought about his parents and how they would react if he brought home a woman who was 12 years older AND a grandmother, I knew I didn't want to be in that position and I certainly didn't want him to really fall for me so I had to do what I did.
If you were reading a while back you might remember when I found out that a guy I was dating was married. We only went out a few times before I found out. But even if we had dated long enough for me to have fallen for him, I would have done the exact same thing as I did do, I would have dumped him. Even if I didn't give a hoot about his wife or his kids, I wouldn't have wanted a man who would have put me in the situation of being "the other woman". For a man to do that to a woman is quite rude and the women who don't mind are sleazeballs...totally. So, they certainly do deserve each other.
It's sort of like one of the reasons that I wouldn't cheat on my husband...I wouldn't have a man who would even WANT a married woman. I had too much respect for my husband and would never be happy with a man who would hurt my husband so much by screwing his wife. Even after I knew I was married to a liar and a cheat, I still wouldn't have cheated on him because I just wouldn't want someone who's morals were so non-existent as to sleep with a married woman. I still have to live with myself and even if I knew I could have gotten away with it, I wouldn't have done it.
And, there's no line of bullshit that could get me to sleep with a married man. Even if the crap he said about his wife was true (and smart women know better than to believe a cheating husband when he tells them how evil the wife is), I would just tell him to call me if he leaves her and the divorce is final. One of my rules for dating is not to date men who have been out of a long term relationship for less than 6 months and even THAT probably isn't long enough. Not only do I NOT want to be the other woman, I don't want to be the rebound woman either. Both roles are really, really bad roles and I don't want to play either one of them.
Lara (the lady who left that comment) is a decent soul and it heartens me to know that some of them are out there! For a while there, I was beginning to think that I was the only idiot around who wouldn't just see what they wanted and go right after it, no matter who was hurt in the process. Since I've been writing this blog, I've learned a lot about people, men as well as women. I've heard from men who have been cheated upon, women who've been cheated upon and people who haven't been cheated on but are still somehow touched by some of the things that I write about. I was in Georgia because Rick accepted a job down here and then we never went anywhere, we just made each other our lives...or so I thought. So, when he left, I didn't have a friend at all in this state. The blog people became my friends and after hearing the pain that so many people out there have gone through, I have a much better view of people than I did before the blog. There are far too many of them out there for me to take one that belongs to someone else and there are even enough that I don't have to take one who has a chance at finding a wife who could give them children.
I had never thought about that situation much at all, I was married for so long that it just never came up. But when I started dating again, I had to think about it because for some reason, I seem to attract younger men. I always have, I don't have a clue why that is. So, I won't be having a serious relationship with the guy that I'm seeing now. I don't know what I will do as far as he's concerned, but for right now, I'm enjoying his company. Now what I have to do is figure out exactly what I want out of this relationship and how long I should let it go on. I'll figure something out.
Oh well.
OH! Guess what I found today? A damned hickey on my neck! He and I made out a bit when we were at his house and I don't even remember when he could have done that. I must just bruise easily or something because if I had the SLIGHTEST idea that he was giving me a hickey, I would have stopped him on the spot. I don't remember the last time I had a fricking hickey! I do remember my first hickey, I was 15 and my mother saw it. She said to me, "Married people don't even do that!" I don't know what that was supposed to mean but I think she was right, I don't remember having a hickey from Rick. I have to work tomorrow night and I keep my hair back when I work so this should be interesting...covering it up with make-up would only make it more obvious so I have no idea how I'll pull that one off. This is NOT a problem that I've had in decades...are there any new hickey cures that I'm unaware of? A professional woman really shouldn't be walking around with a hickey. I can't even believe that I'm saying the word hickey.
OK...now I'm going to work on Infidelity, especially for Solaris...knowing that she's waiting for more makes me feel guilty (which is good!) so I'm going to spend some time there for her. The grandkids and their father are sleeping so I have the kitchen to myself and I'm going to take advantage of that right now. I hope I don't disappoint!
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 6:02 PM
3 Comments:
Very true - the blog really helped me learn a lot about other people and their experiences - a whole lot more and a lot quicker than if I would have just gained experience.
I'm still amazed at how some women really believe that a married man will be true to them. Or maybe some are just so miserable with their own lives, that they want to see another happily married couple break apart. Sometimes I'm under the impression that it's just a game for some of them.
Anyway, I also agree with you about Lara. I've gotten to know her and I can tell you straight out that she's one very excellent and compassionate human being.
From comcast.net this morning.
A Wake-up Call for Homewreckers!
By Chelsea Badeau, Comcast.net Relationships Editor
February 23, 2007
Okay, I'm just gonna say it: I am sick and tired of men and women who knowingly get involved with married people and then try to take the high road and place ALL of the blame on the cheating spouse.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not trying to free the cheating spouse of wrongdoing. In fact, they are the ones who are ultimately at fault, considering they are breaking their wedding vows. I have written columns to and about married cheaters in the past.
However, I don't think that the men and women who knowingly 'date' married people should be let off the hook. They are a major part of the reason the moral fibers of society are being shredded to pieces. They should be held responsible for the role they play in destroying marriages and families. As we all know, and someone recently reminded me, "it takes two to tango," so two people, not one, should share the blame and shame.
So without further ado, here is my 'Letter to Homewreckers' (and you know exactly who you are):
Maybe you didn't know there was someone else at first. Maybe you had suspicions that you weren't the only one, but you couldn't confirm it right away. But soon you knew for sure. There was no denying it. Or maybe you knew right from the start, but just didn't care. Or could it be that your self-esteem is in the toilet and you are so desperate that you will take any attention from anybody?
Or perhaps you knew your 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' was married and that knowledge intensified your twisted attraction and desire to become involved. If you are enticed by the 'thrill' of sneaking around and living the 'dangerous' life of 'dating' a married person, you need to seriously consider the type of person you are. It's sad and scary that sharing someone gets your adrenaline pumping.
Or, have you convinced yourself that he or she truly loves you and is 'trying' to end things with the spouse so that he or she can be with you and the two of you can ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after? Wake up! What makes you think that a man or woman who would cheat on the spouse and jeopardize the family is a good person that actually cares about you? Even if he or she ever did leave the spouse, do you really think he or she would be faithful to you? You are truly deluding yourself if you think this is even a remote possibility.
It would be different if you were clueless and had no idea that the person you are seeing had a significant other and family at home. But you do know. You know and yet you do not care. You do not care about yourself or the innocent spouse and child(ren) that are being hurt by your selfish and disgusting behavior. How can you sleep at night knowing that you are involved with someone that has a husband or a wife and child(ren)?
Have you stooped so low as to contact, insult, or harass the spouse? How can you justify taking out your jealousy and misdirected anger on that innocent spouse who has done absolutely nothing wrong in this whole sticky mess? How can you convince yourself that he or she 'deserves' to be cheated on for being 'stupid' and not leaving? No innocent person 'deserves' to be mistreated. Did it ever occur to you that even if the spouse does know about you, simply getting a divorce isn't always an easy option, especially when child(ren), family, history, and feelings are involved? Leave the spouse alone!
No matter what your 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' has done or said to convince you otherwise, as an adult, you should be able to see right from wrong and make decisions for yourself and know that you are not living right.
Why are you settling for leftovers? Why are you satisfied with being with someone who is spending every major holiday with someone else? Doesn't it bother you that your 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' is buying someone else Valentine's Day gifts? Why do you care about someone who is saying 'I love you' to someone else?
Even if you don't care about the spouse or child(ren) you are hurting or the family you are helping to tear apart, have a little self respect and care about yourself! I am sorry if this seems harsh, but it's meant to be. And if nothing I have said resonates with you, and you plan to continue to point the finger of blame and sneak around with married people, my final word to you is: karma!
Ooh...that was excellent. And like I always say...KARMA!
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