Meg...
"...I really want to get folks's opinions. So I'll sum up my question from my blog - if a woman is assertive and strong and opinionated, why do other woman mentally classify her as a bitch?..."
First of all, there is a difference between an assertive, strong woman and a bitch. I admit to being a bit of both but I know when I'm being a bitch as compared to being an assertive woman. I guess you'd need to define the terms here.
Although some people do call an assertive woman a bitch, most of those people are intimidated and they don't know how to handle being intimidated, especially not by a woman. So many people are used to seeing women be relatively mild. When they see a strong one, they aren't used to it and they don't understand it so she MUST be a bitch...right? Otherwise the other person has to admit the truth...that this is a woman who speaks her mind and the people who do call her a bitch ARE intimidated by her. It's always easier to blame someone else for one's own shortcomings.
I think that a bitch is a person who does things strictly to hurt a person. It's perfectly fine to be assertive, strong and opinionated...to a point. I tried to raise my daughter to be a strong woman without turning her into a bitch. It worked quite well. Once you can no longer honestly rationalize why you're doing what you're doing...you might want to consider the fact that you just might be a bitch.
A bitch does things for one reason and one reason only, to inflict pain of some sort on another person. Our resident bitch here has been calling a friend's job and harrassing her boss. There's no reason for that. It's not like my friend is a waitress who forgot to bring a fork, this is a woman whose husband the bitch stole, that's all. Why would she take time out of her day to do things like this? No other possible reason except to inflict embarrassment and try to get our friend fired from her job. Only a bitch would do that...there's not a damn thing assertive or strong about her behavior.
Motive pretty much tells you whether you're a bitch or a strong woman. If your motive is a reasonable one that helps you and doesn't hurt anyone else, you aren't a bitch...you're a strong woman.
You mentioned "women calling other women" bitches. I don't think it matters whether or not it's a woman or a man doing the name calling, it's not a nice thing to say about someone else. Some people use the word often and call EVERYONE a bitch and then some use the word correctly. I like to think that I use the word correctly...even when it's me doing the bitchy stuff.
The bitch that I was speaking of is most assuredly a bitch. She gets angry at her elderly in-laws when they speak to me. I have to speak to these poor people and then keep it a secret because if I don't, the nut will complain to everyone that will listen to them. She has always been manipulative of my children and she's just plain nuts. You'll have to trust me on this one, I wouldn't want to get her to prove it.
So, what do other women out there think? For that matter, what do the men think? So much has to do with the way you were raised so not everyone is going to find the word as offensive as others may find it. How do you folks define a bitch as opposed to an assertive woman?
Now...every bit of me aches from working all night and I'm exhausted so I'm going to lie on the couch and stare at the ceiling.
See ya later!
Meg
"...I really want to get folks's opinions. So I'll sum up my question from my blog - if a woman is assertive and strong and opinionated, why do other woman mentally classify her as a bitch?..."
First of all, there is a difference between an assertive, strong woman and a bitch. I admit to being a bit of both but I know when I'm being a bitch as compared to being an assertive woman. I guess you'd need to define the terms here.
Although some people do call an assertive woman a bitch, most of those people are intimidated and they don't know how to handle being intimidated, especially not by a woman. So many people are used to seeing women be relatively mild. When they see a strong one, they aren't used to it and they don't understand it so she MUST be a bitch...right? Otherwise the other person has to admit the truth...that this is a woman who speaks her mind and the people who do call her a bitch ARE intimidated by her. It's always easier to blame someone else for one's own shortcomings.
I think that a bitch is a person who does things strictly to hurt a person. It's perfectly fine to be assertive, strong and opinionated...to a point. I tried to raise my daughter to be a strong woman without turning her into a bitch. It worked quite well. Once you can no longer honestly rationalize why you're doing what you're doing...you might want to consider the fact that you just might be a bitch.
A bitch does things for one reason and one reason only, to inflict pain of some sort on another person. Our resident bitch here has been calling a friend's job and harrassing her boss. There's no reason for that. It's not like my friend is a waitress who forgot to bring a fork, this is a woman whose husband the bitch stole, that's all. Why would she take time out of her day to do things like this? No other possible reason except to inflict embarrassment and try to get our friend fired from her job. Only a bitch would do that...there's not a damn thing assertive or strong about her behavior.
Motive pretty much tells you whether you're a bitch or a strong woman. If your motive is a reasonable one that helps you and doesn't hurt anyone else, you aren't a bitch...you're a strong woman.
You mentioned "women calling other women" bitches. I don't think it matters whether or not it's a woman or a man doing the name calling, it's not a nice thing to say about someone else. Some people use the word often and call EVERYONE a bitch and then some use the word correctly. I like to think that I use the word correctly...even when it's me doing the bitchy stuff.
The bitch that I was speaking of is most assuredly a bitch. She gets angry at her elderly in-laws when they speak to me. I have to speak to these poor people and then keep it a secret because if I don't, the nut will complain to everyone that will listen to them. She has always been manipulative of my children and she's just plain nuts. You'll have to trust me on this one, I wouldn't want to get her to prove it.
So, what do other women out there think? For that matter, what do the men think? So much has to do with the way you were raised so not everyone is going to find the word as offensive as others may find it. How do you folks define a bitch as opposed to an assertive woman?
Now...every bit of me aches from working all night and I'm exhausted so I'm going to lie on the couch and stare at the ceiling.
See ya later!
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 5:34 AM
3 Comments:
On bitch: "I can't define it, but I know it when I see it."
OK, that's not completely accurate. I think you pretty much nailed it with your description: intent. Since this entry came as a result of Eliza's comment, I'll add that women are usually seen as "bitches" by female cow-orkers who believe the bitch to be using unfair tactics to get ahead, whether they are or not. Such perceived tactics generally include flirting or sleeping with a higher up and back-stabbing colleagues and underlings. Such is life in business.
I'd lost your link and forgot about the blog so I've spent the last hour trying to catch up. The piece about fathers getting screwed was excellent, as was the Dear Abby piece. Keep it up.
lol, she's not going to intimidate me, Meg. Not especially since I'm not doing anything wrong.
In fact, I'm not afraid of life itself - just like you told me, "life is not always good, you have your good and your bad, and your good and your bad..."
And you're damned right! Let me take life as it's handed to me, I can do it - especially after listening to the troubles you've overcome.
My only grief is her calling you drunk in the middle of the night and then forwarding you some kiss ass sorry ass email the following morning. ROTFLOL
Have a pleasant evening, Meg
xoxoxo
I think, in my specific case, the co worker in question was being so incredibly mean that my mind automatically gave her that label.
I spoke to her later - and it didn't matter to her that the people she was pissing off were people I have to work with every day as part of my job (we are in different departments). She had an objective that she was going to get done, regardless of anything I might say or do.
Dudes and duddettes, I expect that kind of behavior from a man, not a fellow co worker!!!
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