Good morning!
I have to go to the neurosurgeon this morning so I have to run but I thought that I would leave you with a smile to start the day off (that is if you're reading this in the morning...if not...you may smile anyway).
Patrick, who was on holiday from Ireland, was on Bondi beach and couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice. "Mate, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya mate...you'll have all the babes ya want!" The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick! So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, "What's wrong now?" "JAHEESUS!" said the lifeguard, "Mate, the potato goes in front!
10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.
7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
6 - Some people are like a Slinky... Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
3- Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 bucks and a substantial tax cut saves you 50 cents?
2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and People take Prozac to make it normal.
1-We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in America...... But we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DMV in charge of immigration.
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
OK then...I'll be back after the doctor tells me how sick I am...if I'm not too sick to sit up that is.
Meg
I have to go to the neurosurgeon this morning so I have to run but I thought that I would leave you with a smile to start the day off (that is if you're reading this in the morning...if not...you may smile anyway).
Patrick, who was on holiday from Ireland, was on Bondi beach and couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice. "Mate, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya mate...you'll have all the babes ya want!" The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick! So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, "What's wrong now?" "JAHEESUS!" said the lifeguard, "Mate, the potato goes in front!
10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.
7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
6 - Some people are like a Slinky... Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
3- Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 bucks and a substantial tax cut saves you 50 cents?
2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and People take Prozac to make it normal.
1-We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in America...... But we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DMV in charge of immigration.
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
OK then...I'll be back after the doctor tells me how sick I am...if I'm not too sick to sit up that is.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 5:21 AM
4 Comments:
Live like a dog:
* When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
* Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
* Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
* Take naps.
* Stretch before rising.
* Run, romp, and play daily.
* Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
* Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
* On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
* On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
* When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
* Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
* Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
* Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
* When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
* Be always grateful for each new day.
ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!
Hope everything goes well with the Dr visit! We all look forward to hearing good news!
Donna,
That's so sweet...I loved it!
I'd like to hear some good news myself...but like a doctor will do...he wants me to have another TEST! This time I get to have an angiogram to see how big the aneurysm is and to find out why I keep waking up on the floor half dressed...undressed? He also said that I don't have to go to the oncologist just yet because that doctor would only order an aneurysm as well. So...this all means I know nothing more than I knew yesterday.
Damn...this crap never ends. Oh well...it could always be really bad.
But it IS a hot day...I need to find the shady tree...I've been sucking down water like a...giant animal that sucks down water!
Oh dogs rule !
love it..
Damn doctors. They worried our family sick when they made us believe my mom had MS. Meg, I hope everything turns out ok with you. Please keep us updated, ok??
Btw, the dog thing was very sweet Lara :)
Post a Comment
<< Home