I wonder what provokes...

...people to think these things:

"How do you even say that you arent angry when you can think such thoughts?"

That would never occur to me. I wouldn't say, "You're just happy..." or "You're just being silly...". Why would someone think, "You're just angry?" What's the point?

Did you see me say that I wasn't angry? I don't remember saying that. Did you read the very first post to this blog? Was I pretending to be sweet or something? I was pretty straightforward then and I am now. If you see anger, there's probably some anger. But I don't think you could make an argument that I dwell on it...I just spout it out and go on with my life.

And before you say, "Well, it's been over 3 years!" let me just say that I am so angry at what Rick did that I couldn't possibly imagine that ever going away. I'm good with that, though. There's a lot of people who have made me so angry that I never bothered with them again...like the people who I tell to "Fuck off!"

You just can't tell a person to "Fuck off" so easily when you've been together for so many years. Hell, I still have some of his stuff that he'll get back someday. I would tell him to fuck off...but I sort of can't. Maybe someday.

Until then, don't bother telling me that I sound angry. I never said that I wasn't angry. And the fact that I'd love to see him on the rack with his balls nailed down doesn't necessarily mean that I love him...it could just mean that he really pissed me off.

So, if you're thinking, "Damn, she does sound angry...", then cool. Let it be. I have a really, really good reason to be angry. Sol understands it because the exact same thing happened to her. She was really in love with someone who said that they loved her too. She loved him so much that she based her life on his promise of love. Then, just when she and her life were pretty much dependent upon that love, it was stolen. Yanking the love away is like having the rug pulled out from under you. It just takes a while to get up from that one.

There are 2 kinds of people, those who whine that I am angry and those who have had it happen to them. I've asked people who've been through the same thing how long it takes to get past the anger and they've told me that they never did, they just got used to living with it. So...I don't see it going away anytime soon. But don't take it as love because I'm quite sure it isn't.

I think I know how men must feel when they see a slut. The body is tainted...it's somehow nowhere near as sacred as most bodies are. The thought of mouth to mouth contact even grosses me out. I would feel as though I would have to use some sort of body rubber to even be near him naked...does that make any sense? There could never be any intimacy between us and I can't for the life of me understand how I ever let it happen in the first place.

Oh well, I have to do something else now...I'm not sure what but there has to be something that needs doing. I'll stand in the middle of a room and look for something to do. That's always fun. The last time I did it I found 2 pair of nasty panties. Maybe I'll find something fun again!

Meg