Hi there!!!


I want to go to bed but I also want to enjoy the peace of having the other 2 asleep. If I went to bed after they fell asleep, I'd wake up and be around them again in the morning. I want to go home so that I can be the one who makes everyone uncomfortable. This just blows.

I'm sort of getting to the point where I feel as though if I left and Jean went into a nursing home, I would feel guilty. This may have been a mistake. At home I was living in ignorant bliss. Now I feel some degree of responsibility and that's no good. I miss my dog, my cats, my fish and even my son. I also miss my bedroom which is sitting there empty...and I bet my dog is lying down at the door waiting for me to come out.

I'm pretty sure that my father is asleep and now I'm a bit warm so I think I'll put the AC back on. I made things worse instead of better by installing the new thermostat. Now if I want to turn it up or down, I can but if my father turns it OFF...I can't really turn it back on. It was different when the old thermostat was there...I can't explain that but it was. Now I'm gonna go risk his ire and turn it back on.

BRB.

Damn. I just turned it on and ran. The stupid thing makes a pretty loud noise when it kicks in and there I am, tip-toeing on the carpet...and CLICK CLICK...the AC comes on. Crap...I'm back to being all worried about waking people up again. I need to get away from this place for a while. It's been two weeks and I haven't done anything except take care of other people. I should know better than to ignore my own feelings but most of the time I do ignore them until I'm in a really, really bitchy mood. Damn...I need to have some fun and soon.

On top of that, I ran out of toilet paper in my bathroom and then every time I went in there, I forgot to get a new roll so I started using the Kleenex. Then, I was sitting there dripping and I reached back and the Kleenex was gone. I looked around and saw nothing but a pair of dirty jeans. I actually considered it for a minute and then decided that it probably wasn't a good idea. You would think that after that I would remember to grab a new roll of TP but I didn't.

I was smart enough to walk into my father's bathroom a few times instead of mine (I was in a hurry) and then I finally remembered to put a new roll in so now I'm good.

That's pretty much my day. I changed the toilet paper in my bathroom. I may clean the bedroom sometime but I don't get to spend much time in here. I wake up and have to make breakfast and before I know it, I'm making dinner and trying to clean the kitchen. Then, the 2 old fogeys fall asleep and I try to keep the decibels down until I decide to go to bed. I walk into this room and think, "I should clean this room up in the morning." Then, morning comes and I have to make breakfast again and the entire day starts over again.

YIKES! I hear someone walking! For some reason I make a lot of noise when I type and now I think my typing may have woken my father up. Shit. He just came in here and asked me a question. I answered it and now I feel like I need to go out there and clean something. Am I the only one who feels that way around their father?

I just stopped typing and stared at the screen for about 3 minutes hoping that he would fall back asleep quickly. It didn't work. I heard him clear his throat. I'm glad that I shut the door before he woke up. I had opened it to clear out some of the smoke from Jean's constant smoking and that's why he turned the AC off. I can either be hot and breathe or I can be comfortable and inhale second hand smoke all day.

Now I'm getting into one of those bad moods that my father was in earlier today. He finally did get over it, by the way. I did just act all sweet. I don't know if that was what did it or not...but his bad mood is gone. I just fear that it could come back rather quickly.

Damn it. No one worries like this when I get in a bad mood.