OK, OK, OK
This is a pathetic decision isn't it? California or Florida. Life sucks.
Tomorrow is the court date in Florida. If I don't go, the charges will probably be dropped and if I'm ever abused in Tampa again, I can't call the police for help. If I get on the plane and go back, I will simply have to go to a hospital and turn myself in. At this point, if they wanted to arrest me for not showing up, I don't think I'd really care. At least I've have a place to go. The idea of being all alone with no place to go is just too frightening for me. In Florida, I'd have medicaid and I would be out of the way of everyone I care about. If I don't, I don't know what else to do. I have no place to go tomorrow and the last thing I want is to be a burden to anyone. The easiest thing in the world would be to kill myself but I don't have the ignorance that will let me do that. As I've said before, I can't do that to my kids and after spending so much time with my grandson, I couldn't do it to him.
Leaving Florida also meant leaving my medicine and now, when I'm more afraid than anything, I don't have any xanax. I'm exhausted, I can't sleep and I'm so embarrassed by all of it. I'm starting to think I need to go back, for medical reasons if nothing else.
OK, any questions? Any ideas? No...no one but you guys know what I'm going through because I can't drop my shit on anyone else.