Two of the most difficult things about going through this divorce have been the loneliness and the wondering of why. I got over wondering why a long time ago. I am still curious, I just don’t obsess about it anymore. The loneliness has been a little bit more difficult. For months, I just didn’t let myself be alone and awake too much. I was pretty much dependent upon other people to distract me from my self pity party.
I’ve always told people that they should learn to enjoy living alone before they get married. That way, you know you aren’t getting married just to avoid being alone. If you enjoy being alone, chances are you might avoid an irrational decision because you wouldn’t want to give it up for just anything or anybody. I’ve also always told people that they should be their own best friend and counsel themselves accordingly. I keep trying to do that myself but I have to admit, it is difficult to listen to me sometimes. In the past, I have never been able to fathom being alone much less enjoy it. So...I just didn’t do it.
I did do a lot of sleeping. It was either that or drink and I don’t really drink so I just slept. (And, I started this thing. This has really been great because I have “met” some very kind and good people through it. It reinforced what I already knew, that there are plenty of decent people out there. And they are funny, charming, eloquent and wise. I have pretty much allowed myself to be in the presence of a person who was an idiot. I didn’t branch out too much from that. So, it is nice to see so many bright people. They really are BRIGHTER. In every sense of that word.)
Anyway, I have been forced to be alone for so long now that I am sick of sleeping and I want to be awake and doing something. So, last night I was doing something and realized that I hadn’t minded being alone. I didn’t need to be around anyone else and I was wide awake. Of course, I screwed it up by overanalyzing the entire little epiphany, but nevertheless, I didn’t mind being alone. So, distracting myself was a very good thing.
Meg
I’ve always told people that they should learn to enjoy living alone before they get married. That way, you know you aren’t getting married just to avoid being alone. If you enjoy being alone, chances are you might avoid an irrational decision because you wouldn’t want to give it up for just anything or anybody. I’ve also always told people that they should be their own best friend and counsel themselves accordingly. I keep trying to do that myself but I have to admit, it is difficult to listen to me sometimes. In the past, I have never been able to fathom being alone much less enjoy it. So...I just didn’t do it.
I did do a lot of sleeping. It was either that or drink and I don’t really drink so I just slept. (And, I started this thing. This has really been great because I have “met” some very kind and good people through it. It reinforced what I already knew, that there are plenty of decent people out there. And they are funny, charming, eloquent and wise. I have pretty much allowed myself to be in the presence of a person who was an idiot. I didn’t branch out too much from that. So, it is nice to see so many bright people. They really are BRIGHTER. In every sense of that word.)
Anyway, I have been forced to be alone for so long now that I am sick of sleeping and I want to be awake and doing something. So, last night I was doing something and realized that I hadn’t minded being alone. I didn’t need to be around anyone else and I was wide awake. Of course, I screwed it up by overanalyzing the entire little epiphany, but nevertheless, I didn’t mind being alone. So, distracting myself was a very good thing.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 8:48 AM
2 Comments:
I agree that everyone should learn how to live alone before they get married.
I went from my parents' house to my first husband at 18. I had two sons with him and found myself divorced and a single mom at 24.
I stayed single (living alone) for almost 9 years - willingly! I found my independence, worked, bought a house, and learned to love ME. Sure, I dated. And I fell in love twice too. But, giving up my independence and 'freedom' wasn't something I was going to do frivolously. It had to be for the right man.
He came into my life unexpectedly when I was 32 years old. I knew he was the mate I had been waiting for. I gave up everything (job, house, *independence*) to marry him and move 700 miles from my family and my life.
We traveled some bumpy roads - as in any new marriage - but overcame the difficulties as a team. I'll be celebrating my 13th wedding anniversary with him in April. I am always thankful I took the leap of faith and followed my heart.
However, I also knew/know that I could do it alone - and that knowledge gave me the freedom to embrace life and take the chance.
Susan,
You are exactly right. And one other thing, it is a different marriage when HE knows you can take care of your self as well as you do.
Meg
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