Damn...
...I’m bored. I started doing laundry this morning and the washer broke. I don’t know what’s wrong with it, when it should be spinning, it hums. I guess it’s the motor, it could just be a belt...but I don’t generally have the kind of luck that would make the problem be something as easy as a belt. I hate that, especially when every pair of jeans that I own are dirty.
I have a fever so I’m going from cold to hot and back to cold again so I am just a tad edgy this afternoon. Then, I go out to my mailbox and all that I find there is a piece of junk mail addressed to “CURRENT SINGLE RESIDENT”. I guess that’s me, I am currently single. It was from a dating service called THERIGHTONE.com. So, I guess the problem is that I hadn’t gone to the right one. Apparently, I’ve been going to the wrong one.
OK, it’s official. My fish tank is now a snail tank. Those two suckers have procreated and now I have a bunch of snails slithering all over my tank. So, if you find yourself in need of a snail, let me know. I suppose I should do what I did with the algae eater, just put an ad in the local paper. They let you place an ad for free if you are giving something away. I could eat them, but I hate French food. When I was in Paris, I went to a lovely restaurant and ordered the filet. It was dreadful so I sent it back. The next one was just as bad. Later when I told someone back in America about it, he asked if I inquired what animal it was from. I didn’t. Jeez, I have no idea what the hell I was eating. If it was indeed a part of a dead cow, they must have some tough cows over there. Tonight, I’m making parts of a dead pig.
My dog is currently tied to the door knob. He likes me far too much. He is a male, I guess that’s the problem. He is just as annoying as the pushy guys who acted so rudely on the first dates. You know, I’m getting pretty sick of that. If I didn’t know there were nice guys out there, I wouldn’t even bother.
Wait...it just occurred to me that I have no evidence that nice guys exist. Yikes. Well, I do have hope...not that I have any reason to have that either. Oh man, I’m talking myself out of heterosexuality.
That crazy dog is literally jumping up and down like he’s on a pogo stick. I have no clue why he’s doing that. Does Letterman still do Stupid Pet Tricks? This is a stupid pet for sure. He learned to bark right after the break-in last spring and he chases the a tail that he doesn’t have. He can’t seem to make the connection between jumping up into my lap and ending up in the cage. What a nit wit. Oh well, I haven’t made the connection between men and ending up heartbroken so I guess I’m no smarter than the dog.
My son borrowed my car last night. He asked me while I was sleeping which is quite smart of him, I’ll give you a kidney if you ask me for it while I’m asleep. I better start hiding my keys before I go to sleep, I may be able to say “Yes.” while I’m asleep, but I won’t be able to tell him where the keys are. He takes my car because I keep gas in it. I don’t know why I do that. I don’t really go anywhere so a tank of gas should last me for a few weeks. But he borrowed it for two days last week and when I got it back, half a tank of gas was gone. Oh, yesterday the brake lights came on. Apparently, I have a leak in a master cylinder, whatever the heck that is. I have another car that doesn’t run and I can’t find the keys to it. How much does one charge for a car that doesn’t run and has no keys? I suppose I should put it in the same ad as the snails. So, if you need a keyless car and a few snails, come on over, I can accommodate you.
I just realized that I have written over 700 words and I haven’t really said a damn thing. Isn’t that amazing? I suppose I could keep on saying nothing. I have nothing better to do. The dishes are clean and the washer is broken so I don’t have anything to do until it’s time to cook the dead pig parts.
I was just noticing that I have a new liver spot on my hand. What in the hell are those things there for? I don’t like new things growing on me.
Age is such a bitch, isn’t it? Tell me something...why is it that a dowager’s hump can defy gravity but boobs can’t? I think that the dowager’s hump is what women get since they don’t go bald. OK, now I’ve said nothing in close to a thousand words. Maybe it’s best that I stop right now before I start chatting about my belly button again. I’ll be back when something happens. Aw crap. Nothing ever happens. I suppose I could turn on the radio and try to win tickets to something. I could watch my hand and see if I can catch a liver spot happening. Yeah, that’s good, I’ll do that. I’ll let you know when I get a new one.
See ya,
Meg
Oh, I have just made my very first bid on eBay! I bid $100 for a washing machine that I will have to pick up myself if I am the "winning bidder". I have no clue how in the heck I would pick it up nor am I even sure that my own washer isn't just missing a belt. Damn, I am a moron.
...I’m bored. I started doing laundry this morning and the washer broke. I don’t know what’s wrong with it, when it should be spinning, it hums. I guess it’s the motor, it could just be a belt...but I don’t generally have the kind of luck that would make the problem be something as easy as a belt. I hate that, especially when every pair of jeans that I own are dirty.
I have a fever so I’m going from cold to hot and back to cold again so I am just a tad edgy this afternoon. Then, I go out to my mailbox and all that I find there is a piece of junk mail addressed to “CURRENT SINGLE RESIDENT”. I guess that’s me, I am currently single. It was from a dating service called THERIGHTONE.com. So, I guess the problem is that I hadn’t gone to the right one. Apparently, I’ve been going to the wrong one.
OK, it’s official. My fish tank is now a snail tank. Those two suckers have procreated and now I have a bunch of snails slithering all over my tank. So, if you find yourself in need of a snail, let me know. I suppose I should do what I did with the algae eater, just put an ad in the local paper. They let you place an ad for free if you are giving something away. I could eat them, but I hate French food. When I was in Paris, I went to a lovely restaurant and ordered the filet. It was dreadful so I sent it back. The next one was just as bad. Later when I told someone back in America about it, he asked if I inquired what animal it was from. I didn’t. Jeez, I have no idea what the hell I was eating. If it was indeed a part of a dead cow, they must have some tough cows over there. Tonight, I’m making parts of a dead pig.
My dog is currently tied to the door knob. He likes me far too much. He is a male, I guess that’s the problem. He is just as annoying as the pushy guys who acted so rudely on the first dates. You know, I’m getting pretty sick of that. If I didn’t know there were nice guys out there, I wouldn’t even bother.
Wait...it just occurred to me that I have no evidence that nice guys exist. Yikes. Well, I do have hope...not that I have any reason to have that either. Oh man, I’m talking myself out of heterosexuality.
That crazy dog is literally jumping up and down like he’s on a pogo stick. I have no clue why he’s doing that. Does Letterman still do Stupid Pet Tricks? This is a stupid pet for sure. He learned to bark right after the break-in last spring and he chases the a tail that he doesn’t have. He can’t seem to make the connection between jumping up into my lap and ending up in the cage. What a nit wit. Oh well, I haven’t made the connection between men and ending up heartbroken so I guess I’m no smarter than the dog.
My son borrowed my car last night. He asked me while I was sleeping which is quite smart of him, I’ll give you a kidney if you ask me for it while I’m asleep. I better start hiding my keys before I go to sleep, I may be able to say “Yes.” while I’m asleep, but I won’t be able to tell him where the keys are. He takes my car because I keep gas in it. I don’t know why I do that. I don’t really go anywhere so a tank of gas should last me for a few weeks. But he borrowed it for two days last week and when I got it back, half a tank of gas was gone. Oh, yesterday the brake lights came on. Apparently, I have a leak in a master cylinder, whatever the heck that is. I have another car that doesn’t run and I can’t find the keys to it. How much does one charge for a car that doesn’t run and has no keys? I suppose I should put it in the same ad as the snails. So, if you need a keyless car and a few snails, come on over, I can accommodate you.
I just realized that I have written over 700 words and I haven’t really said a damn thing. Isn’t that amazing? I suppose I could keep on saying nothing. I have nothing better to do. The dishes are clean and the washer is broken so I don’t have anything to do until it’s time to cook the dead pig parts.
I was just noticing that I have a new liver spot on my hand. What in the hell are those things there for? I don’t like new things growing on me.
Age is such a bitch, isn’t it? Tell me something...why is it that a dowager’s hump can defy gravity but boobs can’t? I think that the dowager’s hump is what women get since they don’t go bald. OK, now I’ve said nothing in close to a thousand words. Maybe it’s best that I stop right now before I start chatting about my belly button again. I’ll be back when something happens. Aw crap. Nothing ever happens. I suppose I could turn on the radio and try to win tickets to something. I could watch my hand and see if I can catch a liver spot happening. Yeah, that’s good, I’ll do that. I’ll let you know when I get a new one.
See ya,
Meg
Oh, I have just made my very first bid on eBay! I bid $100 for a washing machine that I will have to pick up myself if I am the "winning bidder". I have no clue how in the heck I would pick it up nor am I even sure that my own washer isn't just missing a belt. Damn, I am a moron.
posted by Meg Kelso | 12:53 PM
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