Dear Meg,
My wife and Iare going through a nesty divorce. My daughter wants to live with ma and my mtoher. She is mad at her mother and me and my mother are supportive of her. I want her to know I back her in all things. The problem is my father who says that we shoould stay out of it but if we do she might not get to live with us in the end of the divorce. We need to show her that we believe the things she says and we want her to be with us. How should I explain this to my father so that my daughter can live with us?
Your father is right. You and your mother are behaving selfishly and I think that you're kidding yourselves if you think that you're doing your daughter a favor by continuing to "dis" her mother. A loving father wants to see his daughter happy and emotionally healthy. What you and your mother are doing is wrong and will not contribute to your daughter's long term happiness.
My father and I went through a period where we were estranged. Before she died, my mother gave me the greatest, most selfless gift that she could have given me. She gave me back my father. Things between them were very contentious but she knew that my happiness depended upon a healthy relationship with my father, whether or not I had good reason to be angry at him.
How would your daughter feel if her mother died and they never had the opportunity to find each other again? Do you really want to see her live with that guilt? Do you really want to see her live without her mother in her life? If she is young enough to have custody be a concern, she will need her mother sooner or later. I have to wonder if you are really concerned with your daughter's happiness or your own need to fuel the anger that your daughter feels. Are you trying to get out of paying child support? Are you using your daughter as a weapon? When a parent takes a child and fills them with anger toward the other parent, then aims them at that parent hoping to cause pain and derision, they are not thinking in the best interests of the child at all.
Immaturity seems to be the problem with far too many parents who enjoy seeing a child angry at the other parent. There is no other excuse.
Loving parents want to see their children surrounded by as many people who love them as possible. When a person uses children to hurt people with whom they are angry, that is the most hideously selfish thing that they can do. Show your daughter how much you love her, help her mend the fences that keep her away from her mother. Your daughter will love YOU all the more for it and she will learn some valuable life lessons.
The ability to forgive, maturity and decency are only a few of the gifts that you'll give her. Show your daughter that you love her more than you hate her mother.
Thank God my mother was such a selfless human being. If she had fueled the anger between my father and I, I may be without a parent right now. Instead, I have my father back as well as a wonderful friend in my life. I wouldn't have that if it weren't for my mother. Give that gift to your daughter, you won't lose a thing and you will gain her respect and admiration for years to come. She will be a much better person for it and will not have to live with all of the negative emotions that you and your mother are promoting right now. Your father sounds like a decent man, aren't you lucky to have both of your parents in your life? Do your daughter a favor and give her the same thing. Let her live her life free of the pain that is caused by the estrangement between her and her mother.
OK, my friend in England and I are still trying to work out the bugs in the new template. I tried to put the new one up and it didn't have the old posts and comments, oddly though, it had the comments from HIS blog.
In the meantime, if you'd like to see what the new template looks like, here's the link:
http://megkelso.blogspot.com/
Let me know what you think of it if you have the time.
I see that he's sent me another email regarding the new template and when I have the time to play with that, I will. Hopefully, it'll be up and running soon.
Yesterday was Rick's birthday so that means that I am in the ten day period where he is older than I and that makes him an old man. I won't celebrate until 9:36 AM on the morning of the 29th...I like to hold off turning a year older for as long as humanly possible. I haven't decided what I'd like for my birthday yet...well, I have a few things on the list, but nothing reasonable. I did get one early gift, I found out that my brother is out of jail.
A long time ago I mentioned that my baby brother had been in and out of prison for most of his adult life. The last time he went, he had a wonderful woman who stood by his side until he got out. Because of her and her support, he was let out years early. Then, last year, I heard that he had screwed up again and I was sure that he would have to serve the time remaining on the last sentence PLUS the time he would get for the new crimes that he committed. When people tried to tell me what happened the last time, I stopped them. I didn't want to hear it. That was just so painful for me. I had resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't see him again until he was a very old man.
But somehow, he got out and is back at home with the woman who has stood by his side all of this time. They married a couple of years ago and bought a house. He had more than I ever thought he would have and when I heard that he screwed it all up, I was blown away. I don't know what happened to get him out this time, but he is out and at home, and he still has his wife, home and job. That's all just great.
But, I'm a bit angry at him. It seems that he told his wife that the last time I went to Virginia to visit them, I gave him cocaine. First of all, I don't do that. If he had said marijuana, it would have made more sense. Secondly, I wouldn't have done anything that might get my baby brother thrown back in jail for deacades. Also, I wouldn't have betrayed his wife like that, she's too wonderful of a human being and wouldn't deserve that from me. AND...I wouldn't be traveling with my father holding drugs of any sort.
I don't know which hurt more, the fact that he would make up such a senseless lie or the fact that she said, "I don't know who to believe." I have never lied to her nor have I done anything that would make her think that I would do drugs like that. I believed some things my husband said that only a fool would have believed so maybe she just WANTS to believe hers. Once my brother tells a lie, he stands by it to the end, no matter how many laws of reason and physics the lie would break. So, even though I'm happy for my brother, I'll have to remain happy from a distance. I can't afford to associate with people who would say such things about me with a probation officer in the picture. I discussed it with my father and he's as baffled as I am. Thank God my father knows that I wouldn't have done such a thing. I wish my sister in law knew me as well as my father does. If she did, she would see that I would have never done anything that my brother has accused me of. The cocaine story is only one of a few bullshit stories that he told her. Common sense should tell her that it's all bullshit, she has no reason to believe what her husband said about me but every reason in the world to believe that he would tell a lie.
Oh well, I guess we all believe what we want to believe.
OK, I'm going to suck some more coffee and straighten up the house a bit so that I can go run some errands and come home to a clean house. Then, I'm going to work in the yard again. While I'm trying to get the yard in shape, I'm confining my garden to the deck out back. I have my spices and vegetables out there. Yesterday I saw that I have the cutest little bell pepper that you'd ever see growing on my pepper plant. Now, if my tomatoes would just start bearing fruit, I can go out back and pick one whenever I need one. I love that. Oh, I love having the fresh spices, too. They're so expensive in the store but so easy to grow. They don't come any fresher than picked off the plant and chopped up right away. Anyway, I'll be back after I get a few things done.
See ya!
Meg
My wife and Iare going through a nesty divorce. My daughter wants to live with ma and my mtoher. She is mad at her mother and me and my mother are supportive of her. I want her to know I back her in all things. The problem is my father who says that we shoould stay out of it but if we do she might not get to live with us in the end of the divorce. We need to show her that we believe the things she says and we want her to be with us. How should I explain this to my father so that my daughter can live with us?
Your father is right. You and your mother are behaving selfishly and I think that you're kidding yourselves if you think that you're doing your daughter a favor by continuing to "dis" her mother. A loving father wants to see his daughter happy and emotionally healthy. What you and your mother are doing is wrong and will not contribute to your daughter's long term happiness.
My father and I went through a period where we were estranged. Before she died, my mother gave me the greatest, most selfless gift that she could have given me. She gave me back my father. Things between them were very contentious but she knew that my happiness depended upon a healthy relationship with my father, whether or not I had good reason to be angry at him.
How would your daughter feel if her mother died and they never had the opportunity to find each other again? Do you really want to see her live with that guilt? Do you really want to see her live without her mother in her life? If she is young enough to have custody be a concern, she will need her mother sooner or later. I have to wonder if you are really concerned with your daughter's happiness or your own need to fuel the anger that your daughter feels. Are you trying to get out of paying child support? Are you using your daughter as a weapon? When a parent takes a child and fills them with anger toward the other parent, then aims them at that parent hoping to cause pain and derision, they are not thinking in the best interests of the child at all.
Immaturity seems to be the problem with far too many parents who enjoy seeing a child angry at the other parent. There is no other excuse.
Loving parents want to see their children surrounded by as many people who love them as possible. When a person uses children to hurt people with whom they are angry, that is the most hideously selfish thing that they can do. Show your daughter how much you love her, help her mend the fences that keep her away from her mother. Your daughter will love YOU all the more for it and she will learn some valuable life lessons.
The ability to forgive, maturity and decency are only a few of the gifts that you'll give her. Show your daughter that you love her more than you hate her mother.
Thank God my mother was such a selfless human being. If she had fueled the anger between my father and I, I may be without a parent right now. Instead, I have my father back as well as a wonderful friend in my life. I wouldn't have that if it weren't for my mother. Give that gift to your daughter, you won't lose a thing and you will gain her respect and admiration for years to come. She will be a much better person for it and will not have to live with all of the negative emotions that you and your mother are promoting right now. Your father sounds like a decent man, aren't you lucky to have both of your parents in your life? Do your daughter a favor and give her the same thing. Let her live her life free of the pain that is caused by the estrangement between her and her mother.
OK, my friend in England and I are still trying to work out the bugs in the new template. I tried to put the new one up and it didn't have the old posts and comments, oddly though, it had the comments from HIS blog.
In the meantime, if you'd like to see what the new template looks like, here's the link:
http://megkelso.blogspot.com/
Let me know what you think of it if you have the time.
I see that he's sent me another email regarding the new template and when I have the time to play with that, I will. Hopefully, it'll be up and running soon.
Yesterday was Rick's birthday so that means that I am in the ten day period where he is older than I and that makes him an old man. I won't celebrate until 9:36 AM on the morning of the 29th...I like to hold off turning a year older for as long as humanly possible. I haven't decided what I'd like for my birthday yet...well, I have a few things on the list, but nothing reasonable. I did get one early gift, I found out that my brother is out of jail.
A long time ago I mentioned that my baby brother had been in and out of prison for most of his adult life. The last time he went, he had a wonderful woman who stood by his side until he got out. Because of her and her support, he was let out years early. Then, last year, I heard that he had screwed up again and I was sure that he would have to serve the time remaining on the last sentence PLUS the time he would get for the new crimes that he committed. When people tried to tell me what happened the last time, I stopped them. I didn't want to hear it. That was just so painful for me. I had resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't see him again until he was a very old man.
But somehow, he got out and is back at home with the woman who has stood by his side all of this time. They married a couple of years ago and bought a house. He had more than I ever thought he would have and when I heard that he screwed it all up, I was blown away. I don't know what happened to get him out this time, but he is out and at home, and he still has his wife, home and job. That's all just great.
But, I'm a bit angry at him. It seems that he told his wife that the last time I went to Virginia to visit them, I gave him cocaine. First of all, I don't do that. If he had said marijuana, it would have made more sense. Secondly, I wouldn't have done anything that might get my baby brother thrown back in jail for deacades. Also, I wouldn't have betrayed his wife like that, she's too wonderful of a human being and wouldn't deserve that from me. AND...I wouldn't be traveling with my father holding drugs of any sort.
I don't know which hurt more, the fact that he would make up such a senseless lie or the fact that she said, "I don't know who to believe." I have never lied to her nor have I done anything that would make her think that I would do drugs like that. I believed some things my husband said that only a fool would have believed so maybe she just WANTS to believe hers. Once my brother tells a lie, he stands by it to the end, no matter how many laws of reason and physics the lie would break. So, even though I'm happy for my brother, I'll have to remain happy from a distance. I can't afford to associate with people who would say such things about me with a probation officer in the picture. I discussed it with my father and he's as baffled as I am. Thank God my father knows that I wouldn't have done such a thing. I wish my sister in law knew me as well as my father does. If she did, she would see that I would have never done anything that my brother has accused me of. The cocaine story is only one of a few bullshit stories that he told her. Common sense should tell her that it's all bullshit, she has no reason to believe what her husband said about me but every reason in the world to believe that he would tell a lie.
Oh well, I guess we all believe what we want to believe.
OK, I'm going to suck some more coffee and straighten up the house a bit so that I can go run some errands and come home to a clean house. Then, I'm going to work in the yard again. While I'm trying to get the yard in shape, I'm confining my garden to the deck out back. I have my spices and vegetables out there. Yesterday I saw that I have the cutest little bell pepper that you'd ever see growing on my pepper plant. Now, if my tomatoes would just start bearing fruit, I can go out back and pick one whenever I need one. I love that. Oh, I love having the fresh spices, too. They're so expensive in the store but so easy to grow. They don't come any fresher than picked off the plant and chopped up right away. Anyway, I'll be back after I get a few things done.
See ya!
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 7:10 AM
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