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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Hi there!

I received a question in the comment section that I don't know if I've ever addressed before. Someone wants to know how many times I've been married. I don't know how to answer that one, they said "times", not "men". There are different answers for each question. And by the way, no, I'm not offended by that question. The answer, however, does offend me a bit.

Let's see here. Easy answer, 7 marriages to 4 men and one of them doesn't count. Now, before you freak at that answer, remember that I married Rick when I was 30 and we were together for over 20 years, closer to 25 with dating included. So, I made a couple of major boo-boos when I was young.

First, I married a man named John. We eloped to Reno because I wouldn't sleep with him until we were married. Reno was 4 hours away from where I lived then, Petaluma, California. We got halfway there, to Sacramento, and I realized that I had forgotten my birth certificate.

Instead of listening to God's hint, we drove back and got the birth certificate and proceeded to Reno, where we did, indeed, get married. We didn't tell anyone, we just said that we were engaged. So, my family planned a church wedding with all of the trimmings. The week after the church wedding, I found out that I was pregnant and rather than have my parents think that I had been a "bad girl", I had to tell them all about the elopement. My mother was annoyed because as she said, "We could have used that money to buy you furniture." She was right, of course. We had told HIS mother, but my family was shocked to hear that we were already married, but relieved that I was a "good girl".

That's two weddings, one man.

Next, I married a freaky dude that I called Muy Mucho Macho Muchacho Marco. He was wearing high waisted black polyester pants with a red silk shirt and a few gold chains when we met. He even had that silly Italian horn that they were so fond of back then. It was the height of the disco craze and of my hormonal surges. We married once in a judges' office and then, again, we had a church wedding to satisfy his Catholic parents.

That's 4 weddings, two men.

Then, during one of the many times that Rick and I were "mad" at each other, I married a man named Mike. He was an attorney and he looked good. For about a minute and a half, that seemed like a good idea. So, when he asked me to marry him, I did it. Fortunately, it didn't take me too long to see what a huge mistake that was, it took me until the night of the wedding. We were in the lounge at the hotel watching the basketball play-offs and I quietly panicked. I stood up, said that I was going to go get a six pack to take up to the room and then I drove to Chicago. We had been in Virginia. When he finally found me, he offered to give me an annulment. I accepted and when he sent me the paperwork, I figured that was that.

Eventually, Rick and I got back together again and we married. To my horror, I found out that Mike had made up bogus annulment papers. I was a bigamist. I looked into getting an annulment and the attorney said that it would cost 4 times more than a divorce so I just divorced him.

Then, Rick and I had to get married AGAIN.

So, that's how you marry 4 men 7 times.

Who said that I lead an interesting life? Hell, that's just the men that I married. I've screwed up in the man department many more times than that...I just don't marry all of them. But, when I do, I like to do it twice before the divorce.



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