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Thursday, July 20, 2006

My father lives with one ex-wife...

...and he lives within 50 yards of his other ex-wife. He's a very courageous man...isn't he? From where he sits in his living room with wife number 3, he can look out through the balcony and see wife number 2. Ex-wife number 2 lives with her first husband but they aren't "together", they're just both living in their daughter's condo. They're an odd group of retired old people, that's for sure.

I personally irritated ex-wife number 3 this evening. We had planned to watch a movie and by the time I went to put the movie in...she had forgotten that she agreed to watch it and threw a hissy fit...threatening to march into the bedroom and watch "whatever I want to watch" on TV. We let her go. Besides the fact that I don't depend on her for sex so I don't bow to her hen-pecking manipulation...she won't remember any of this tomorrow anyway. So, we all watched the movie, except for her. She fell asleep watching "What I want to watch".

Now, I'm in the room where she's sleeping and she's snoring in the background. It's a cute little lady snore...not one those atrocious jack hammer snores like Rick used to snore. There was no place in the house that was far enough away from him so I just stayed right there and tried to fall asleep first. If that didn't work, I was going to be up for a while. There were nights when he snored so badly that I wanted to help him out by opening up his throat to let more air in.

You know what's good for snoring people? You take a hair or a thread or a piece of yarn and, waiting until after an inhalation, stick the "string" up their nose and twirl it around a couple of times. Then, drop the evidence and close your eyes.

Next, you wait for them to fall back asleep and re-eneter REM sleep. And then, you do it again.

(Hairs work best for this type of operation...they tickle more and they're eaiser to lose after the assault...thereby making your participation in the crime more difficult to prove.)

You could spend a lot of time doing that before they figure it out. I did it once to Rick and told him that he must have a "wild hair up his nose". (I got the idea from that stupid nosehair of mine that tickles the inside of my nostril when it grows over to the other side.) I offered to pluck the offending hair out of his nose. He let me pull about 7 hairs and say..."Oops! I got the wrong one again!"...before he finally realized my duplicity.

Now, this won't stop the snoring. I suppose it's possible that after years of doing it, some person somewhere might actually stop snoring out of some sort of Pavlovian response. Barring that...this little activity won't do a damn thing to stop snoring. BUT...it's as fun as it can be. I could do it for hours. I find it so entertaining and funny that my eyes give me away...I laugh until I cry.

The movie we watched was Sling Blade...not a bad movie at all. During it, I noticed something...Rick looks just like Billy Bob in that movie. Not so MUCH in the face, but a little bit there, too. Mainly it was the way he looked as he was walking in the distance. With the bald head and the funny posture, it was a very familiar impression. His affect was a bit like Rick's as well.

Like Billy Bob in Sling Blade...Rick never had much to say either. He grunted and groaned appropriately when humans were in the area using something little known to Rick...language. There was one huge difference, Billy Bob's character was a bit more concerned with the feelings of others. But, other than that...they were frightening similar.

Like Rick, the guy in Sling Blade had such deep thoughts as "These are good taters." and "I'd like to get me some more potted meat." He could even stare at dirt for hours. I never actually saw him do that...but I've seen him staring at nothing, brain shut down like C-3PO, just breathing. So, I have a lot of faith that he could stare at dirt, too.

Well, I have gone through a bunch of stuff that I moved to my father's before the divorce. My Beatle albums are here as are my paintings. I can't wait to put them up at home. (The paintings, not the Beatle albums.) I also found some of Rick's stuff that I didn't know was in these boxes. I spoke to him the other day about his pictures...now I guess I'll have to speak to him again to see if he wants his other stuff as well.

I could pull an Emily and sell all of his stuff. ("All of his stuff" is a box of pictures and a Bicentenial Pepsi Bottle that he had when I met him...and a box of pictures. That Pepsi bottle is his prized possession. It's also his sole possession.) Before he left, I had a "Betrayed Wife Sale". I sold a bunch of his stuff at bargain prices. My little sale even made it into the local paper by the second day. Well, the "Betrayed Wife Sale" sign made it into the paper anyway.

Alright then...I'm gonna go join the conversation in the living room. I've finally brought a man to my father's house that can carry on an intelligent conversation and my father is talking his ear off. With my father, that's most certainly the "I like this guy." sign. He's never bothered asking any of my husbands any questions tougher than, "What can I get you to drink?"

I'll see you later!

Meg

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What would you do if Rick asked you to move to Montana? What about if he realized that he didn't really ever want anyone else? What if he never wanted a divorce and is very, very sorry for everything that he's put you through?

A very good freind.

July 20, 2006  
Blogger Meg said...

Get away kid...ya bother me.

Meg

July 21, 2006  

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