Good morning!
Another Monday morning. The coffee my son made tastes like shit, the dog is barking at the trash men and the house is so cold that I have goose bumps all over. I don't understand that at all. The thermostat says 69 and in the summer, that would feel great. But, in February it's like living without any heat at all.
When I was in Phoenix, it was in the 80's during the day and the 40's at night. That's a nice way to live. But if it isn't getting up into the 80's today, this blows. I hate being cold and I've been cold since sometime last September. They have blow up women for men, they should have big warm blobs for women. I'd buy one in a heartbeat and cuddle up to it every night. Except for that, I don't really need a man. Of course, once the grass starts growing again, I'll probably change my mind, but right now, all I need is that blob of heat lying next to me. I must say, Rick was good for keeping me warm, a bigger, warmer blob I have not had in quite some time.
Let's see, what else do you need a guy for? Taking out the trash, yeah, that's it. Oh, and gassing up the car. Not to mention gassing up the house, I can do without that little habit of men. Why is it that men only fart in front of you when they know you really, really well? They would never think of farting around a stranger, but when they're around the one they love it's fart, fart, fart. Unfortunately, I have a man here that is my son and he's very comfortable around the house letting that anus just relax when it shuld be nice and taut...and then he laughs like a 4 year old. That kid never got past the anal stage, he still thinks that the ability to fart is what made Steve Martin famous.
Oh well. OH! Besides that, I actually HEARD both of my dogs fart last night! I have never HEARD a dog fart...until last night. Both of those stupid dogs sleep in my room and I keep the door shut. When I heard the first one, I thought, "Poor Maggie, she's so old she can't help it." Then, the same sound came from the other side and I knew that was Payton...and he's a two year old boxer. I didn't change their food, I don't know what in the world caused that to happen. The nice thing about hearing the dogs fart is that I had a can of air freshener next to me and I was able to spray the dogs before the smell got to me. You can't really do that to a guy. I certainly have wanted to spray a guy or two here or there...but you just can't. They don't like it.
Of course, that works in reverse, living alone, I have full fart freedom myself. I can let them rip whenever I want to and not worry about anyone being offended. I can even do what my grandfather used to do, lift a leg or lean to one side for full farting ease. And when I leave the house all dressed up and pretty, no one would ever guess that I just came from a full fledged fart party.
I still can't bring myself to sit in the living room and pick my nose without fear of being caught in a pick...I just can't do it. Rick didn't mind that at all...I could see him out of the corner of my eye, up to his elbow in a search of something, I don't know what. I would stare straight ahead and pretend that I didn't see him. Now I wish I had just taken video...then I could have had something for U-Tube.
There's a lot of things that I would have done differently if I could go back in time. Besides the obvious, just avoiding Rick all together, I would have called Cheaters, spent more money and put itching powder in his shorts. Damn, I wish I could go back and really screw him this time. I guess I'll just have to live with the alimony and enjoy knowing that he works a lot of hours all for lil ol' me.
Well, I have to try to get myself all inspired to keep on working on Infidelity. Everytime I get close to an idea, the stupid computer freezes on me and then it takes a few hours to get it working again. I come here first so that I can at least let you guys know that I'm alive and kicking. Then, I try to go work on the other thing. I have to buy a new computer but I just hate spending money on anything but traveling. I keep thinking about my trip to Europe and I fear spending a dime. It's amazing how easily I can spend other people's cash...but I cannot stand to spend my own.
Damn...the dogs are hungry. I have to feed them. I wonder if I sprinkled some baking powder in their food if that would keep the disgusting smells down to a minimum? Ya think?
I'll be back after I work on the other blog thing for a while...let me know if you have any ideas regarding what I should include in a book about cheating....I don't want to leave anything out.
See ya soon!
Meg
Another Monday morning. The coffee my son made tastes like shit, the dog is barking at the trash men and the house is so cold that I have goose bumps all over. I don't understand that at all. The thermostat says 69 and in the summer, that would feel great. But, in February it's like living without any heat at all.
When I was in Phoenix, it was in the 80's during the day and the 40's at night. That's a nice way to live. But if it isn't getting up into the 80's today, this blows. I hate being cold and I've been cold since sometime last September. They have blow up women for men, they should have big warm blobs for women. I'd buy one in a heartbeat and cuddle up to it every night. Except for that, I don't really need a man. Of course, once the grass starts growing again, I'll probably change my mind, but right now, all I need is that blob of heat lying next to me. I must say, Rick was good for keeping me warm, a bigger, warmer blob I have not had in quite some time.
Let's see, what else do you need a guy for? Taking out the trash, yeah, that's it. Oh, and gassing up the car. Not to mention gassing up the house, I can do without that little habit of men. Why is it that men only fart in front of you when they know you really, really well? They would never think of farting around a stranger, but when they're around the one they love it's fart, fart, fart. Unfortunately, I have a man here that is my son and he's very comfortable around the house letting that anus just relax when it shuld be nice and taut...and then he laughs like a 4 year old. That kid never got past the anal stage, he still thinks that the ability to fart is what made Steve Martin famous.
Oh well. OH! Besides that, I actually HEARD both of my dogs fart last night! I have never HEARD a dog fart...until last night. Both of those stupid dogs sleep in my room and I keep the door shut. When I heard the first one, I thought, "Poor Maggie, she's so old she can't help it." Then, the same sound came from the other side and I knew that was Payton...and he's a two year old boxer. I didn't change their food, I don't know what in the world caused that to happen. The nice thing about hearing the dogs fart is that I had a can of air freshener next to me and I was able to spray the dogs before the smell got to me. You can't really do that to a guy. I certainly have wanted to spray a guy or two here or there...but you just can't. They don't like it.
Of course, that works in reverse, living alone, I have full fart freedom myself. I can let them rip whenever I want to and not worry about anyone being offended. I can even do what my grandfather used to do, lift a leg or lean to one side for full farting ease. And when I leave the house all dressed up and pretty, no one would ever guess that I just came from a full fledged fart party.
I still can't bring myself to sit in the living room and pick my nose without fear of being caught in a pick...I just can't do it. Rick didn't mind that at all...I could see him out of the corner of my eye, up to his elbow in a search of something, I don't know what. I would stare straight ahead and pretend that I didn't see him. Now I wish I had just taken video...then I could have had something for U-Tube.
There's a lot of things that I would have done differently if I could go back in time. Besides the obvious, just avoiding Rick all together, I would have called Cheaters, spent more money and put itching powder in his shorts. Damn, I wish I could go back and really screw him this time. I guess I'll just have to live with the alimony and enjoy knowing that he works a lot of hours all for lil ol' me.
Well, I have to try to get myself all inspired to keep on working on Infidelity. Everytime I get close to an idea, the stupid computer freezes on me and then it takes a few hours to get it working again. I come here first so that I can at least let you guys know that I'm alive and kicking. Then, I try to go work on the other thing. I have to buy a new computer but I just hate spending money on anything but traveling. I keep thinking about my trip to Europe and I fear spending a dime. It's amazing how easily I can spend other people's cash...but I cannot stand to spend my own.
Damn...the dogs are hungry. I have to feed them. I wonder if I sprinkled some baking powder in their food if that would keep the disgusting smells down to a minimum? Ya think?
I'll be back after I work on the other blog thing for a while...let me know if you have any ideas regarding what I should include in a book about cheating....I don't want to leave anything out.
See ya soon!
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 5:36 AM
3 Comments:
Meg -
You have me sitting on the edge of my seat, almost pissing in my pants laughing. You kill me. Too funny!!! My husband also feels the need to laugh each and every time he farts, he thinks it is just sooooooo funny. Why do men do that? My son, step-son, father in law...every one of them laughs..not just ha ha ha but really belly laugh with the shoulders jumping up and down they are laughing so hard. And then there is me, trying to be sooo quiet, not wanting anyone to know. I tried to tell my husband that I simply did not fart but he informed me that I must hold them in because once I am asleep, I just let them rip one after another. Too Funny!!!
80 in phoenix is great but wait till mid summer and 80 is the low and 115 or 120 is the high yuk
Yeah, I WAS there in January or February. The place that I lived in California could get pretty hot as well, but I was so close to Frisco that I could escape the heat if I wanted to. And now that I think of it, they don't call it Hotlanta for nothing!
Meg
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