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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Here are all of the words…

…that I’ve contributed to the Urban Dictionary. (You can find them now by going to this site, http://www.urbandictionary.com/. )

At least those are all thus far.

I plan on bestowing many more utterances before my life is over…"I declare before you all, that my whole life, whether it be long or short, shall be devoted to the creation of words and to the great glossary of our democracy to which we all subscribe.

And on that note…my words thus far:

Co-porker

A co-porker is a female who enjoys sleeping with married men at work. They can hardly be called a co-worker because that would imply that work of some sort is being accomplished. Rather than getting any work done...they spend their time porking. Co-porkers are usually trashy and have herpes.

Smother Fucker

A man who does not hold his weight up during missionary sex. His weight is all on the woman and she has a very hard time breathing.

Antagoblog

Used as a verb, Antagoblog is something that one does. He or she who antagoblogs creates and maintains a blog and does so in order to annoy, pester or otherwise irritate another person. There may or may not be any creativity at work during antagoblogging, quality is not a factor. The main features of antagoblogging are that they are specifically redundant in focus and predominantly derogatory in nature.

I created this word after my divorce.

I think it’s well past the time to add some new words to the vocabulary…any help you could offer in this arena would be greatly appreciated.

While we’re all thinking about that, I wanted to tell you that I went to pick up my new washer this evening. I found it on Craigslist. When I spoke to the lady who was selling the machine earlier in the day, I told her that my son and I would have to go get a dolly first. She said that she had two teenaged sons so we just drove over there so that we could get it out of her house and over to mine. First things first. As to how we would get the sucker out of the Kia and into my house...we decided that we “would think about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.” (So, the washer is in the back of my Kia right now and my son is sleeping on MY couch! But at least the washing machine is here!)

Anyway,…we drove into Atlanta and to her house. She did, indeed, have 2 teenaged sons who dutifully assisted my son in getting that cumbersome behemoth into the back of my Kia. As they did so…I watched them. They grunted and groaned as they struggled to get that washer 3 feet up off the ground as their sister peeked her head through the door, sandwich in hand, wondering aloud what everyone was doing. We told her.

Then, she went back to doing whatever she had been doing.

As I watched those poor young men, I sympathized with their plight as I remembered the days when I had to baby-sit my siblings instead of going out with my friends because I was “the oldest”. My heart went out to them when I contemplated the days when I had to cook dinner and clean the kitchen afterwards because I was “the oldest”. Deep down, somewhere inside of me…I cried for them as I recalled the days when I had to change the shitty diapers of my youngest siblings because I was “the oldest”.

Those days were grim indeed. I was treated in a harsh and callous manner all because I had the misfortune of being born “the oldest”. Now…through no fault of their own…these 2 deprived unfortunates who were born with penis's...and for no other reason...were lifting a big boxy thing into the back of my KIA. I thought to myself, “Under similar circumstances...when I was their age…what would have assuaged my injured psyche?”

I thought about it long and hard when suddenly, I had a brainstorm. I finally thought of the perfect tonic for the young men-to-be…for whom life holds many, many, many more such sad and prejudical incidences.

I gave them each a fin. I think that did the trick.

When I was 12, I LOVED being the oldest. Then…when I got to be about 32, I didn’t like it so much. But…my brothers and sisters had begin to act as though “The Oldest” was my title or something like that. To this day...when they introduce me, it’s always, “This is Margaret, she's The Oldest”.

Sometimes I feel like turning that one back on them. I’d love, just once, to say to someone, “Here’s my sister Lori, she’s the fattest. Here’s Marie, she’s the dimmest. Here’s Kevin, he’s the weirdest.” And so on and so on.

Yep, I think I’ll do that one of these days. That ought to get me stripped of that title...“The Oldest".

I’ll get those bigots one way or another.

OK then, now I’m going to write a letter to MacDonald’s. They screwed up my order at the drive through AGAIN! Not only that…they continue in their tradition of cleaning out the shake machine early so that they can get out of work sooner. I had a COLOSSAL, FERVENT, IMMENSE hankering for a McFlurry and I couldn’t get one. Not only that…I specifically asked for FRESH fries even if I had to wait. McDonald’s fries are great if they’re fresh but if they aren’t…they’re nothing more than nasty little grease sticks with salt.

OH! One other thing. My utility bills are all caught up. I paid them a while ago and when I got out of the hospital...I called them all to make sure that I didn't have any past balances. They all said, Nope." So I decided to dismiss them all from my mind for now. Then today...I got my gas bill.

When I pay my bills, I round them off to make the math part of checkbook balancing easier. I always round up, of course. When I called the gas company a week ago, I actually had a $9.02 credit. When I opened my bill today, it was for $45.27...$36.25 with my credit. And yet...with my bill they sent a Disconnect Notice. They actually send those fuckers WITH the bill...even if you aren't the tiniest bit late with your payment. Isn't that ridiculous? I think so.

Meg

OHHHH! I have a new word...McMoron- a person who, even though they've heard you ask for 2 burgers and a small fry, hands you a bag with one Filet of Fish and an apple pie.

5 Comments:

Blogger Lara Croft said...

Rechargo_nator
Not unlike a detonator but a rechargo_nator sends a power wave of living.

Example - Going on a overseas Holiday

August 07, 2007  
Blogger Karin's Korner said...

You are way way too funny Meg! Co-porker....gotta love it. I think you are doing a service to all of us who go through the drive thru only to get a screwed up order or less then hot fries or a sandwich I HATE THAT!!

Once I went to a fast food restaurant, well shit Taco Bell to be exact, went through the drive thru and when I got home the order was all messed up. I got back in my car and went back. Walked in the place and in front of God and all the customers demanded to see the manager, told her that she really should be checking up on her employees, after all that would be her job. Told her that when I got home and started taking the food out of the bag there were things missing...not my food of coarse...nope, that was at home getting cold while I had to come back to her restaurant, get out of my car (which is why I choose to go through the drive thru, so I DID NOT HAVE TO GET OUT OF MY CAR) come inside and have to yell at her in front of all these people. Well, she promptly refunded my money and gave me the food we were missing.

When I got home and counted out the money, I was ten dollars ahead of the game....I just sat down and thought if she wants the money, she can get in her car, come over to my house, get out of her car, come into my house and ask me for the money.

she didn't

August 07, 2007  
Blogger akakarma said...

Antagoblog is so perfect for what has been going around lately- it's like a disease! And it has horrible english!Oh what a boring life they must live! Love the others too by the way!

August 07, 2007  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

Lara, I'll be going on a rechargonator this weekend...if my luck holds up!

Karin, I'll get a copy of the letter that I sent...I'm hoping that it's good for at least one free fry...FRESH FRIES thank you!

AKA...there are a LOT of them aren't there? I like to think of my little blog as being an antagoblog...but one with better grammar. I hate reading what I've written and finding a mispelled word or a double negative or a syntax screw up....I change things two years old.

OK...now...where the hell is that letter I sent to McDonald's???

BRB

August 07, 2007  
Blogger akakarma said...

Nope, you definitely have a rechargo-nator blog! It's compellingly refreshing!

August 07, 2007  

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