Do you guys remember…
…when I mentioned an old high school crush that I have recently been emailing? We’ve been emailing each other since then and I’ve been having a LOT of fun with this email “relationship”.
His emails have been such a boost to my ego…that sort of thing can erase a bunch of bad stuff out of your psyche…can’t it? Of course, we exchanged pics and he was quite complimentary about mine:
"..So why is it now......some ......what 30+ years later that I find out about this how did you put it ?? " former crush"??? was I a complete dumb ass to not see it or are you feeding me B.S. or what?? cuz ...I know I think I would have remembered that !!! Damn!!! I mean to have this incredibly hot chick....to be liking me ??? whoa baby .....I guess I never knew. now that sucks .....thinking ....I could have hanging with you ....and not those "knuckle heads" I was running with . okay I have to go think about this.... #@&* dumb ass @$#%%#@&^$ blind as a bat Dennis ........"
Dennis and I spent an incredible evening at a mutual friends house making out for hours. He was my first real kiss, my first make out session and my first hickey. I didn’t know that he had done that until my mother pointed it out.
I remember being afraid of this guy after that. I would see him coming down the crowded halls of Fenton High School (he was at least a head taller than everyone else) and when he was headed down the hall, I would sneak into a classroom until he passed by.
I was afraid because he was so HUGE! Not in a bad way…if I met him today I would be extremely attracted to him. But, that was before I learned about the “short man’s syndrome”...that I thought I had discovered until I heard about the “Napoleon Complex”.
I have a brother who is “short” by most standards, he’s about 5’7” tall. He absolutely is one of the exceptions to the rule…he’s such a good man that I feel bad even mentioning “short man’s syndrome”. So, let me say this now…I don’t want to be unfair to “short” men. I’ve met many very, very nice short men and I respect all of them. They know how to treat a lady, they have a great self esteem and they are more manly than a lot of “tall” men. That wonderful self esteem that they have makes them so comfortable with themselves that they don’t feel the need to “prove what men they are” like men who do suffer from short man’s syndrome. So, I am not referring to all short men, just those who experience the hideous SMS.
Now…how do I refer to these men in a way that doesn’t offend short men who really ARE men? Let’s see…how would Ass DO? No, that won’t work at all. Women beaters? Nope, that would leave out the tall women beaters, and they certainly do exist. OK then, I’ll refer to men who suffer from SMS simply as SMS-ers. Please send me better ideas, I don’t like that one. I’ll use it from now until I come up with something better. But I don’t want to waste time on that while I have so much in my head to write about the topic itself.
I was quite young when I had that make out session with Dennis…maybe 14 or 15. I was quite the ingénue at that time…I had never had more than a peck on the cheek before I met him. So I certainly hadn’t observed enough nor had I experienced enough to know anything about SMS-er’s. So, I hadn’t yet developed my attraction to tall men. Ironically, for some unknown reason, I was afraid of this guy because of his height. He was not only tall, he was huge…not fat, just a very, very big guy. Exactly the type that I would jump on NOW.
When I was in my teens, I didn’t take height into consideration…even long after the Dennis experience. My first hubby was short…and abusive, my second hubby was short…and abusive. It was after THAT relationship that I began dating tall men almost exclusively. Of course Rick proved to be another exception to the rule…he was quite a big guy.
So, even though I would give a short guy attention, initially a tall man would turn me on. Unfortunately, I've had a few utterly excruciating relationships with SMS-er’s who felt the need to prove themselves to be men by bullying females. That’s how I ended up in such abusive relationships.
The SMS-er’s that I became involved with were quite unsure of themselves and their manhood. For some reason, being a bully made them feel better about themselves. I guess they thought to themselves, “I may be short, but I can still wield power by dominating a woman!” My first husband had a CB radio in his car (and one in his bedroom) when I met him. His “handle” was “Big John”. Looking back, I find that interesting considering that he was 5’ 6” tall.
I also should have considered other things as well, but I didn’t give myself time…I married this one 10 days after I met him. We drove from Petaluma California to Reno to get married. We got as far as Sacramento, two hours from Petaluma and halfway to Reno before I noticed that I had forgotten my ID and birth certificate. That was God telling me to give up on this idea but I didn’t listen to him. We drove back home, got the necessary documents and then headed for Reno again.
When we came home and went to his mother’s house to tell her the “happy” news, we stood on her stoop, rang the bell and waited for her. When she opened the door, John said, “We’re married.” Then, he stunned me by bolting back to his car. I stood there, incredulous. His mother came out of the house and shouted at him, “At least she has the guts to stand here and face me!”
Later, when I was chatting with her about our marriage and the problems we were having, I said something to the effect of, “I wish I had known some of this before I married him.” She replied to me, “You should have asked me, I would have told you.” She was a great lady, and I feel so badly for making her a grandmother at the tender age of 35. She always kept in touch with my son, her grandson. That’s certainly much, much more than I can say for her son.
During most of our marriage, my shoulders stayed bruised. Whenever I would say something like this, “You need to help me move this, I can’t do it myself.”, he would corner me and poke my shoulder over and over again, saying, “You don’t EVER tell me what I NEED to do!”
It was a matter of semantics. The “You need to…” part of any sentence would send him off his rocker. We didn’t have to be in any argument…although if we had been, the poking was much more painful.
I stayed while he bullied me. But when he knocked our son over (as an infant, when he was just learning to sit up.), that was the end of that marriage. That and the fact that he was cheating on me. Although he didn’t physically hurt the baby, I wasn’t going to wait around until he did.
I also learned that he had gotten out of the Marines for punching out a Sergeant. Klinger could have learned about Section 8’s from this guy. Can you imagine a person so vehemently hostile to authority in the USMC? Luckily, I got out of that one quickly.
Not quite quickly enough. Shortly after I left Big John, I married the father of my other kids. He was 5’7” give or take an inch. I’m not going to go into details about that relationship because this one has grown up a lot since our marriage and he has always been a wonderful father…even to my son by Big John. Suffice it to say that at the time…the man absolutely supported my conclusions regarding the malady of SMS.
It was after that marriage that I developed my attraction to tall men. So, had I met Dennis THEN, I wouldn’t have hidden from him. Quite the contrary…I would have stood on a step-ladder in the middle of the hallway so that he couldn’t miss me.
But, as I said earlier, I would never dismiss a short guy out of hand. That’s how I ended up in this situation with “Mike”. He’s a short man and most certainly a casualty of SMS. I should have stuck to my rules. Rule one is, “Don’t date men under 6’2”.” That rule is one that I’ve broken quite a few times. And, it seems as though when I do…I end up with a bully who threatens (literally AND figuratively) my health, my job and my social life. Simply by their presence, they make it impossible for me to have any life outside of their purview, and they don’t like that at all!
I’ve remained friends with a few men after we’ve had a romantic involvement. I like that. But, with an SMS-er…that’s impossible. They don’t want anything from you except your subservience. Of course, part of that is the tenet that they “own” you so you can’t be friends with them and then mention other men. They go nuts…even if they’re involved with another woman.
So, we have my current situation. I know that I said this post wouldn’t be about “Mike”, but I can’t help it. I started on a different tack and then I just ended up here.
Mike feels the need to threaten me and he says that he can do it because I have left him “with nothing to lose”. As I said, I never mentioned his name, job or whereabouts. I told him that I wouldn’t and I meant that. But…any more threats and all bets are off. Not only do I have certain identifying information and pictures…I have some information regarding “Mike” and some of what he called “fantasies”. I came across some emails that he wouldn’t want published…of that I am sure. I emailed them to myself at the time, for no reason in particular. When I remembered that I had done that, I went back to see if I still had them...I do.
“Mike” may think he has nothing to lose…but I think that he may be wrong. I have proof of some things that he might want kept secret. I can prove that he has had some interesting conversations by email. And, I could prove that he isn’t exactly what he wants his family to think he is. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Meg
By the way...yesterday would have been my wedding anniversay to Rick.
…when I mentioned an old high school crush that I have recently been emailing? We’ve been emailing each other since then and I’ve been having a LOT of fun with this email “relationship”.
His emails have been such a boost to my ego…that sort of thing can erase a bunch of bad stuff out of your psyche…can’t it? Of course, we exchanged pics and he was quite complimentary about mine:
"..So why is it now......some ......what 30+ years later that I find out about this how did you put it ?? " former crush"??? was I a complete dumb ass to not see it or are you feeding me B.S. or what?? cuz ...I know I think I would have remembered that !!! Damn!!! I mean to have this incredibly hot chick....to be liking me ??? whoa baby .....I guess I never knew. now that sucks .....thinking ....I could have hanging with you ....and not those "knuckle heads" I was running with . okay I have to go think about this.... #@&* dumb ass @$#%%#@&^$ blind as a bat Dennis ........"
Dennis and I spent an incredible evening at a mutual friends house making out for hours. He was my first real kiss, my first make out session and my first hickey. I didn’t know that he had done that until my mother pointed it out.
I remember being afraid of this guy after that. I would see him coming down the crowded halls of Fenton High School (he was at least a head taller than everyone else) and when he was headed down the hall, I would sneak into a classroom until he passed by.
I was afraid because he was so HUGE! Not in a bad way…if I met him today I would be extremely attracted to him. But, that was before I learned about the “short man’s syndrome”...that I thought I had discovered until I heard about the “Napoleon Complex”.
I have a brother who is “short” by most standards, he’s about 5’7” tall. He absolutely is one of the exceptions to the rule…he’s such a good man that I feel bad even mentioning “short man’s syndrome”. So, let me say this now…I don’t want to be unfair to “short” men. I’ve met many very, very nice short men and I respect all of them. They know how to treat a lady, they have a great self esteem and they are more manly than a lot of “tall” men. That wonderful self esteem that they have makes them so comfortable with themselves that they don’t feel the need to “prove what men they are” like men who do suffer from short man’s syndrome. So, I am not referring to all short men, just those who experience the hideous SMS.
Now…how do I refer to these men in a way that doesn’t offend short men who really ARE men? Let’s see…how would Ass DO? No, that won’t work at all. Women beaters? Nope, that would leave out the tall women beaters, and they certainly do exist. OK then, I’ll refer to men who suffer from SMS simply as SMS-ers. Please send me better ideas, I don’t like that one. I’ll use it from now until I come up with something better. But I don’t want to waste time on that while I have so much in my head to write about the topic itself.
I was quite young when I had that make out session with Dennis…maybe 14 or 15. I was quite the ingénue at that time…I had never had more than a peck on the cheek before I met him. So I certainly hadn’t observed enough nor had I experienced enough to know anything about SMS-er’s. So, I hadn’t yet developed my attraction to tall men. Ironically, for some unknown reason, I was afraid of this guy because of his height. He was not only tall, he was huge…not fat, just a very, very big guy. Exactly the type that I would jump on NOW.
When I was in my teens, I didn’t take height into consideration…even long after the Dennis experience. My first hubby was short…and abusive, my second hubby was short…and abusive. It was after THAT relationship that I began dating tall men almost exclusively. Of course Rick proved to be another exception to the rule…he was quite a big guy.
So, even though I would give a short guy attention, initially a tall man would turn me on. Unfortunately, I've had a few utterly excruciating relationships with SMS-er’s who felt the need to prove themselves to be men by bullying females. That’s how I ended up in such abusive relationships.
The SMS-er’s that I became involved with were quite unsure of themselves and their manhood. For some reason, being a bully made them feel better about themselves. I guess they thought to themselves, “I may be short, but I can still wield power by dominating a woman!” My first husband had a CB radio in his car (and one in his bedroom) when I met him. His “handle” was “Big John”. Looking back, I find that interesting considering that he was 5’ 6” tall.
I also should have considered other things as well, but I didn’t give myself time…I married this one 10 days after I met him. We drove from Petaluma California to Reno to get married. We got as far as Sacramento, two hours from Petaluma and halfway to Reno before I noticed that I had forgotten my ID and birth certificate. That was God telling me to give up on this idea but I didn’t listen to him. We drove back home, got the necessary documents and then headed for Reno again.
When we came home and went to his mother’s house to tell her the “happy” news, we stood on her stoop, rang the bell and waited for her. When she opened the door, John said, “We’re married.” Then, he stunned me by bolting back to his car. I stood there, incredulous. His mother came out of the house and shouted at him, “At least she has the guts to stand here and face me!”
Later, when I was chatting with her about our marriage and the problems we were having, I said something to the effect of, “I wish I had known some of this before I married him.” She replied to me, “You should have asked me, I would have told you.” She was a great lady, and I feel so badly for making her a grandmother at the tender age of 35. She always kept in touch with my son, her grandson. That’s certainly much, much more than I can say for her son.
During most of our marriage, my shoulders stayed bruised. Whenever I would say something like this, “You need to help me move this, I can’t do it myself.”, he would corner me and poke my shoulder over and over again, saying, “You don’t EVER tell me what I NEED to do!”
It was a matter of semantics. The “You need to…” part of any sentence would send him off his rocker. We didn’t have to be in any argument…although if we had been, the poking was much more painful.
I stayed while he bullied me. But when he knocked our son over (as an infant, when he was just learning to sit up.), that was the end of that marriage. That and the fact that he was cheating on me. Although he didn’t physically hurt the baby, I wasn’t going to wait around until he did.
I also learned that he had gotten out of the Marines for punching out a Sergeant. Klinger could have learned about Section 8’s from this guy. Can you imagine a person so vehemently hostile to authority in the USMC? Luckily, I got out of that one quickly.
Not quite quickly enough. Shortly after I left Big John, I married the father of my other kids. He was 5’7” give or take an inch. I’m not going to go into details about that relationship because this one has grown up a lot since our marriage and he has always been a wonderful father…even to my son by Big John. Suffice it to say that at the time…the man absolutely supported my conclusions regarding the malady of SMS.
It was after that marriage that I developed my attraction to tall men. So, had I met Dennis THEN, I wouldn’t have hidden from him. Quite the contrary…I would have stood on a step-ladder in the middle of the hallway so that he couldn’t miss me.
But, as I said earlier, I would never dismiss a short guy out of hand. That’s how I ended up in this situation with “Mike”. He’s a short man and most certainly a casualty of SMS. I should have stuck to my rules. Rule one is, “Don’t date men under 6’2”.” That rule is one that I’ve broken quite a few times. And, it seems as though when I do…I end up with a bully who threatens (literally AND figuratively) my health, my job and my social life. Simply by their presence, they make it impossible for me to have any life outside of their purview, and they don’t like that at all!
I’ve remained friends with a few men after we’ve had a romantic involvement. I like that. But, with an SMS-er…that’s impossible. They don’t want anything from you except your subservience. Of course, part of that is the tenet that they “own” you so you can’t be friends with them and then mention other men. They go nuts…even if they’re involved with another woman.
So, we have my current situation. I know that I said this post wouldn’t be about “Mike”, but I can’t help it. I started on a different tack and then I just ended up here.
Mike feels the need to threaten me and he says that he can do it because I have left him “with nothing to lose”. As I said, I never mentioned his name, job or whereabouts. I told him that I wouldn’t and I meant that. But…any more threats and all bets are off. Not only do I have certain identifying information and pictures…I have some information regarding “Mike” and some of what he called “fantasies”. I came across some emails that he wouldn’t want published…of that I am sure. I emailed them to myself at the time, for no reason in particular. When I remembered that I had done that, I went back to see if I still had them...I do.
“Mike” may think he has nothing to lose…but I think that he may be wrong. I have proof of some things that he might want kept secret. I can prove that he has had some interesting conversations by email. And, I could prove that he isn’t exactly what he wants his family to think he is. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Meg
By the way...yesterday would have been my wedding anniversay to Rick.
posted by Meg Kelso | 8:46 AM
6 Comments:
you don't have to worry about fat Mike getting you fired from your job - believe me when I tell you.
Your job only cares about what you do while you are on the job.
Everything else that fat Mike does - like if he sends emails for example, will be completely ignored if you are not guilty.
If fat Mike shows up at your job, the job will call security.
I would love to have his picture posted up! I'm good with paintbrush! I think I can make him thin.
While I have seen plenty of examples of your point, I'll have to say that I've met plenty of tall guys with "SMS".
I would try to stick up for the good short guys, but I'm 6'2". I know little about it.
As for Fat Mike, I'm sure he has something to lose. The telling thing is that he says he has nothing to lose. That would imply that his whole life was wrapped up in you and what you have to say about him on your blog. How sick is that?
Quite.
Regarding the tall men with SMS, I mentioned that Rick was also another exception. I certainly realize that some tall men can be violent...but for the most part...I haven't met them as frequently as I have the shorter dudes.
Solaris,
If he does anything to fuck up my life, you'll get that chance...I assure you.
BTW...as for Brad and Barb who sent me this:
"...Met Brad for drinks the other night and now he's pushing for a blogger's night out!..."
...who else can make it here in Atlanta? I hear that Brad is near here and I KNOW of a few of you who are close by as well, so talk to me!
Meg
LOLOLOL, Sol. I just got the "make him thinner" comment. Good job.
Meg
It sounds like it's time to turn Mike over to the local police to worry about so you can get on to worrying about your own physical health and not some loser with control issues' mental health.
He seems to have a combination of a few things that could be wrong with him. Maybe he was taught by of a set of parents that believed females are lesser beings and can be treated like crap and they won't do anything about it. It's usually passed on from generation to generation without so much as a thought as to whether it's wrong or right. Children witness the behavior in their parents and don't question it when their own relationship turns into much of the same. When these people get into relationships with people who expect to be treated decently and with respect, it just sets them off emotionally because they have no idea how to deal with it.
Which leads to the next possible problem: Maybe he also wasn't taught to manage his emotions in a way that produces intelligent and effective changes. Some people throw temper tantrums or threaten to beat you up just like the school yard bully that they were (or wanted to be) in their childhood when they want to get their own way.
That type of behavior is not acceptable in any relationship, but it is still out there. Sometimes it shows up after you get comfortable, and you don't even see it coming. All we can do is say, "We're not going to take it!" and follow up with action. Someone needs to put a stop to the cycle.
Ok, now I have Dee Snyder singing in my head..."Oh You're So Condescending...Your Gall Is Never Ending...We Don't Want Nothin', Not A Thing From You!!! Your Life Is Trite And Jaded, Boring And Confiscated...If That's Your Best, Your Best Won't Do!!! OOHHHH!! We're Not Gonna Take It!...."
I am such a product of the 80's, sorry. :D
Rock on Meg!
And please don't take any shit from anyone...we've all got your back here, and we won't hesitate to do what we can if someone ever EVER hurts you.
:)
Thanks again for the support, it means a lot to me.
I went on a cleaning binge after I got back from the Dr's appt. I'm pretty much still on it...I've even seperated the blueberries and froze them in individual snack size baggies.
This is fun...the Dr. said that I had some headaches to look forward to. I'll go into it later.
Meg
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