I woke up to the smell…

…of the pot roast that I had cooking in my crock pot. That’s the thing we cook slowly with. For fast cooking, we have the microwave. How did those pioneer women EVER feed their families with nothing but a fireplace? I can’t eat the stupid thing yet because it’s breakfast time and someone made a rule that says pot roast is for supper…eggs and cereal are breakfast foods. I’m not sure why…I just follow the rules. But…I was watching Witness yesterday…the Harrison Ford movie with the Amish people…and I decided that if it weren’t for the computer…I would rather be Amish than English, or whatever it is that I am.

My kids have their iPods and cell phones, twenty years ago they had their Nintendo’s and other electronic crap that I never even tried to use. I couldn’t play Nintendo because I didn’t want to play Nintendo. I became bored of video games after Pong. My daughter has her cell phone strapped to her ear most of the time and she just assumes that I know how to use it. I don’t.

I can’t access the messages on my own cell phone…I don’t know the password. I was rarely called “stupid” before cell phones came out. Now I seem to be a total moron. So, yeah…I’d rather be with the Amish. Of course, I’d be an idiot there for a while because I don’t know how to bake bread in a box with a fire under it…but I can learn THAT. I understand that stuff and I think that, technologically speaking, I’m absolutely closer to the Amish than I am the kids of today.

Those Amish folks seem pretty nice. They always have lemonade and horses…I could get used to that. I thought about it for a while and I decided that if they had a computer…just ONE…I would convert to Amish in a heartbeat. Do you think they have a library? I would think they should have a computer in the library…wouldn’t you? That’s probably just wishful thinking.

My bed would go well with the Amish houses…it’s totally made of wood. I could find one of those Amish men and he could make me a bunch more wood furniture. I wonder how you find Amish men without make-up? Damn…why did we EVER start with the make-up!

Oh, and Victoria’s Secret Bra’s….could I bring those? I’m not sure what the Amish women wear but I need Victoria’s Secret for adequate support. Nothing less would do.

I guess I can’t poll the Amish because they are the one group that I can be pretty sure aren’t here. Ain’t that a bitch? The one group of people who could answer my questions…and they can’t log on to a computer. I bet they don’t even have a web site. Although…I bet somebody else wrote something about them and their rules…I’ll check them out later. Now I have to check to see if my electric coffee pot is finished perking. I do mean perking, too. I have a beautiful coffee pot that my daughter gave me a couple years ago…but when she was here last month, I bought an antique percolator at that antique sale. I like to hear it perk. Ooh, I bet I couldn’t hear that in Amish-ville…they do HAVE coffee don’t they? I think I heard Kelly McGillis offer Harrison a cup of coffee.

Ya know…I didn’t even ask about their views on sex. Hhhhhmmm….I bet they aren’t quite as relaxed as mine are. Oh well, I like my own religion…do unto others. That’s pretty much it.

Damn…this coffee is good. I bought Starbucks coffee during one of my daughter’s thousand Starbucks runs. That’s pretty good stuff. No way Amish get Starbucks. OMG! They probably don’t have Dunkin’ Donuts either.

I should probably just go camping. That’d be easier than being Amish. That’d be a good idea. Except for the monsters out there. Crap.

Monsters and spiders. That’ll keep me in the house.

I think my pot roast is done. Now I need to make breakfast. So far today I’ve used the coffee pot, the microwave, the crock pot, the TV and lights. Now I’m about to use the stove. Damn…I couldn’t be Amish…I doubt that I could even camp.

I’ll see you guys later.

Meg