Meg...
"...I hate to say this to you, sugah, but:You are letting Rick win..."
I've heard that before but I don't get it. What has he won? I look at it as though he's been convicted. I don't know what he's won, a prize for slaughtering the innocent heart of a woman who loved him? If so, good on him...he can keep it.
This isn't a game and I don't think anyone wins. Nothing I can do or say will make one hoot of a difference to that man. He lives his life exactly the way he wants it. He's happy, he has no problems and his life is just fine. That wouldn't change if I was happily married to the greatest guy in the world. He doesn't care about me one way or another.
He won when he left me. He got his freedom and his whore and now I suppose he's living happily ever after. I lost a long time ago and there's nothing I can do to change that.
"...I hate to say this to you, sugah, but:You are letting Rick win..."
I've heard that before but I don't get it. What has he won? I look at it as though he's been convicted. I don't know what he's won, a prize for slaughtering the innocent heart of a woman who loved him? If so, good on him...he can keep it.
This isn't a game and I don't think anyone wins. Nothing I can do or say will make one hoot of a difference to that man. He lives his life exactly the way he wants it. He's happy, he has no problems and his life is just fine. That wouldn't change if I was happily married to the greatest guy in the world. He doesn't care about me one way or another.
He won when he left me. He got his freedom and his whore and now I suppose he's living happily ever after. I lost a long time ago and there's nothing I can do to change that.
posted by Meg Kelso | 7:51 AM
10 Comments:
He wins because he has gone off to live his new life. And left you behind too afraid to start another relationship. Every time you decide not to take a chance on someone you are giving Rick the power to rule the life you have without him. Just my 2 cents, of course. And I do understand how you feel...I have been there.
Ok...I see your point.
But you are letting your experience with him color your potential future experiences with anyone else.
In my book that is definitely letting someone win.
OK, he wins.
Meg,
What happened to make you think all these things so suddenly? I thought everything was going great! I've read your most recent entries, but I can't seem to figure out what he did to make you feel this way.
And idle mind is the devil's playground. I think you should give the poor chap a chance. Afterall, you can't win if you don't play. And YOU deserve to win, Meg. NOT Rick!
Cheryl
OK, he wins.
You don't have to let him!
Meg, happiness is out there waiting for you. It sounds like it's about 10cm away, although it might feel like miles. If it can happen to me it can come to you. AND it can stay!
I should stop giving advice because I have no experience. But I'm thinking of you, and I hope your pity party mood leaves you alone soon.
Bah, I can't resist repeating what I said before: talk to a friend. Hell, I'll even give you my number, or tell me a time and I'll call you. But I'm hanging up when Cheek Dude calls!
the angel Jean
Sounds to me like you're trying to talk yourself out of caring deeply for this man. Like, if you make the decision to keep it from getting serious, he can't be the one to hurt you. What you don't know is whether or not he's as afraid of it as you are, and finally willing to open up to someone again. It might just be as hard for him as it is for you.
Don't let fear dictate your life. Life is frighteningly short...we only have so many chances to find real happiness. If that chance exists, give it a shot before it's too late. I don't give a crap about who wins...I only care that you don't talk yourself into losing.
It isn't really about who wins, Meg, it's about being ready to take another chance at love....and, I'm not sure that you are ready at this time. Whether this guy is the right guy for you or not...YOU are not right for you yet...and that is what is important.
You are agonizing over every little detail of this relationship and second guessing yourself every step of the way.
Maybe you need to cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to hurt over the past enough to allow yourself to move into a better future.
After my 30+ year marriage ended and I found myself facing midlife dating (aaagh)...during this time, I cut out this quote and taped it to my desk: "We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to make room for the life that is waiting for us."
I have been in a relationship now for several years...but it took a lot of soul-searching and acceptance that things would not always be perfect...to finally get to this place.
Letting go proved to be so freeing for me and I am more at peace now than I have been in a long time. I wish the same for you.
Be good to yourself...and take care.
Grammie that is certainly very true...I think about it as rebirth, and a conscious decision to let go of everything you had or wanted in the past. I think about reinventing my life constantly, and how I refuse to be defined by my past. You aren't who you were, you are who you are NOW...and what you choose to do with that is up to you and only you.
Meg - maybe the other's are right...you might be ready to date...but you aren't ready to have a real, intimate relationship with someone. It's hard because it requires two things Rick took from you - commitment and trust. Do you respect this guy? I know you don't trust him...but I would be asking myself was it that I didn't trust him or did I not trust myself?
Sorry, over analysing...I just remember that most of us girls find ways to twist our thoughts and feelings into knots.
It's ok to be afraid to make a mistake, too...very few things cannot be undone!
OH, it's not as though I don't trust him, if he said something I would absolutely believe him.
I have been over nalysing everything and I need to stop that. As I said, I'm just going to roll with it for now.
I think I'm better...thanks, I love you guys.
:)
Meg- everyone here is right on target. There is no perfect relationship where you might not be hurt- shit happens. You deserve a nice guy and I'm not hearing a single thing to pause about- even New Years since you have not laid out any rules for your relationship. I ask this question- what's stopping you from just having an open conversation with him instead of agonizing to yourself? He has the answers to all of these questions. Or, you can just hire a PI and find out the same thing, or you can just agonize over the possibilities and never know! With Love....
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