Just when I thought...
...that I could skip into Heaven, soul unsullied by any deadly sins...they changed the rules on me. It appears that the Vatican has decided that, rather than consider our own personal soul and it's eternal destination, we should consider the impact that we as individuals have on our environment. So, now when we get to the Pearly Gates and proclaim our innocence of sloth, greed and vanity, we have to explain away anything that we might have done to commit one of the new deadly sins such as carrying out experiments on humans, polluting the environment, causing social injustice, causing poverty, becoming obscenely wealthy and taking drugs.
Crap.
My entire argument FOR smoking marijuana was that it was a gift from God and I would be rude not to partake in it's pleasures. Now the Vatican is telling me that although I lived a life free from the 7 Deadly Sins that they warned me about...I can go to hell over the weed that I smoked in the 70's (The shit I smoked in the 80's, 90's and beyond is obviously a moot point...I screwed myself in 1974...earlier if you count aspirin as a drug. After all, it's just a different plant.).
I don't think that this is quite fair. Couldn't they grandfather me in to Heaven and let kids born after 2000 keep the latest set of rules? I didn't even know this was an option. I've pretty much been playing by the rules since I was a kid and now I find out that I'm damned to hell for tossing a White Castle box out the car window in 1968. How can this be?
What's next? Another 10 commandments that include stupid shit like "Be kind, rewind" and "Thou shalt not drive a car without a catalytic converter"? I'm sorry but I must take issue with the Vatican. Unless they sent someone up a mountain and waited until he came down with a couple of rock slabs containing a new rule list with God's signature...I'm going with the old rules. They'd at least have to have it initialed and no...SJ after the name of some obscure priest doesn't count. I have a feeling those Jesuits are behind the new deadly sins.
Don't you think that you would have to be guilty of at least one of the 7 Deadly Sins to even THINK that you could add to them? That alone should keep the list relatively free from tampering. But...today we have new rules to abide by and they have nothing to do with me and my life until now. I don't think that I've caused any social injustice, but I did break up with Mike Stack in a rather rude way that has bothered me ever since 1969. Does that qualify?
I don't think it really matters because as I said before, according to the new rules, they made a reservation for me in Hell decades ago.
Oh well. Maybe I should research some new religions. I'm sure there has to be one that has rules that I can live with. I think the Native Americans were onto something with that peace pipe thing. I'm pretty sure that they not only smoked whacky tobacky, I think they did it without breaking any rules or causing any pollution. They didn't even have to throw rolling paper packages away...they just used their little peace pipes over and over again.
There are some other religions that I could consider but most of them have rules that I don't like. I love a ham sandwich so there goes Judaism. Oh...and I absolutely adore a nice steak so there goes Hinduism. Confucius confuses me so there's that. When I feel like getting laid, I pretty much do it...without benefit of marriage. There go the Baptists, Methodists, Lutherans and Jehovah's Witnesses. I don't want people to laugh at me behind my back so that takes out Scientology. And of course, I'm not strapping on a bomb to kill anyone, much less myself so there goes Islam.
I think I need to research this further. I'm sure if we look hard enough...we can find a church that suits us and our lifestyle. It would be nice if it was a relatively consistent organization. The rules should for eternal damnation should not change. I get annoyed when the cable company changes the channel line up...I can NOT handle changes in the basic tenets of right and wrong.
Shit, shit, shit.
By the way...did I just swear? And did I swear in a way that breaks a commandment? If I did, where in the Bible does it list the words we can't use? The only list I'm aware of was created by George Carlin and even I'm not liberal enough to worship his crazy white ass.
...that I could skip into Heaven, soul unsullied by any deadly sins...they changed the rules on me. It appears that the Vatican has decided that, rather than consider our own personal soul and it's eternal destination, we should consider the impact that we as individuals have on our environment. So, now when we get to the Pearly Gates and proclaim our innocence of sloth, greed and vanity, we have to explain away anything that we might have done to commit one of the new deadly sins such as carrying out experiments on humans, polluting the environment, causing social injustice, causing poverty, becoming obscenely wealthy and taking drugs.
Crap.
My entire argument FOR smoking marijuana was that it was a gift from God and I would be rude not to partake in it's pleasures. Now the Vatican is telling me that although I lived a life free from the 7 Deadly Sins that they warned me about...I can go to hell over the weed that I smoked in the 70's (The shit I smoked in the 80's, 90's and beyond is obviously a moot point...I screwed myself in 1974...earlier if you count aspirin as a drug. After all, it's just a different plant.).
I don't think that this is quite fair. Couldn't they grandfather me in to Heaven and let kids born after 2000 keep the latest set of rules? I didn't even know this was an option. I've pretty much been playing by the rules since I was a kid and now I find out that I'm damned to hell for tossing a White Castle box out the car window in 1968. How can this be?
What's next? Another 10 commandments that include stupid shit like "Be kind, rewind" and "Thou shalt not drive a car without a catalytic converter"? I'm sorry but I must take issue with the Vatican. Unless they sent someone up a mountain and waited until he came down with a couple of rock slabs containing a new rule list with God's signature...I'm going with the old rules. They'd at least have to have it initialed and no...SJ after the name of some obscure priest doesn't count. I have a feeling those Jesuits are behind the new deadly sins.
Don't you think that you would have to be guilty of at least one of the 7 Deadly Sins to even THINK that you could add to them? That alone should keep the list relatively free from tampering. But...today we have new rules to abide by and they have nothing to do with me and my life until now. I don't think that I've caused any social injustice, but I did break up with Mike Stack in a rather rude way that has bothered me ever since 1969. Does that qualify?
I don't think it really matters because as I said before, according to the new rules, they made a reservation for me in Hell decades ago.
Oh well. Maybe I should research some new religions. I'm sure there has to be one that has rules that I can live with. I think the Native Americans were onto something with that peace pipe thing. I'm pretty sure that they not only smoked whacky tobacky, I think they did it without breaking any rules or causing any pollution. They didn't even have to throw rolling paper packages away...they just used their little peace pipes over and over again.
There are some other religions that I could consider but most of them have rules that I don't like. I love a ham sandwich so there goes Judaism. Oh...and I absolutely adore a nice steak so there goes Hinduism. Confucius confuses me so there's that. When I feel like getting laid, I pretty much do it...without benefit of marriage. There go the Baptists, Methodists, Lutherans and Jehovah's Witnesses. I don't want people to laugh at me behind my back so that takes out Scientology. And of course, I'm not strapping on a bomb to kill anyone, much less myself so there goes Islam.
I think I need to research this further. I'm sure if we look hard enough...we can find a church that suits us and our lifestyle. It would be nice if it was a relatively consistent organization. The rules should for eternal damnation should not change. I get annoyed when the cable company changes the channel line up...I can NOT handle changes in the basic tenets of right and wrong.
Shit, shit, shit.
By the way...did I just swear? And did I swear in a way that breaks a commandment? If I did, where in the Bible does it list the words we can't use? The only list I'm aware of was created by George Carlin and even I'm not liberal enough to worship his crazy white ass.
posted by Meg Kelso | 4:51 AM
1 Comments:
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