Good middle of the night!
I can't even say Good Morning at 2 AM because that's just wrong. I don't know what time I fell asleep but it was early. I'd blame it on living with old people but this started before I left for Florida. Damn...maybe I am old.
Even if I am, I'm surrounded by old people in the middle of the Old People capital so suddenly, I'm not as old as I was a week ago. Sure I have a few wrinkles under my eyes, but my lower lids aren't hanging off my eyeballs yet. And, yes...I do pluck a gray hair here and there, but my head isn't snow white.
Even those 3 funky things hanging off of my neck aren't so bad next to people with lots-o-funky things hanging off of their faces. I'm not even bothered so much by the crazy brown spots on my hands...these people have them EVERYWHERE! My boobs may not be as perky as they once were...but they're still more than another roll of fat in my shirt.
And most importantly, I don't have a moustache. Jean does. Well, she did. Then, when I took her to the nail slaon yesterday, I decided that she had TOO much of a moustache (not to mention the beard) so I talked her into getting her entire face waxed. That was fun.
She had never had anything waxed before so I knew this would be a shock to her silly self. I had hoped to go in and watch her suffer but I was still getting my manicure when they took her back. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have been so cruel but my neice is getting married on the 15th and Jean is going to be my father's date. I don't know who I really did it for, her or him. But...I know that part of taking care of her is taking care of her dignity and a woman with that much facial hair has long ago stopped caring herself so it had to be done.
I do wish that I could have seen the process, which, by the way, was stopped before they could get to her eyes. But I did get to see the look on her face when she walked out of the waxing room. She had no clue such pain was an option when she walked into the salon. She walked up to me and said, "They ripped my face off!" The funny part is she wasn't kidding.
The salon lady apologized for not finishing Jean's face and only charged 10 bucks which wasn't bad for a beard and a moustache. I haven't looked that closely so I don't know what she missed besides the eyes...I'm just glad that Jean didn't stop her after she had finished the left side alone. I still have to take her to the hair salon and maybe by then she'll forget about the face ripping thing and let me talk her into having it done again. It is entirely possible that she won't remember the waxing at all. But then again, I never forgot giving birth, no matter what drugs I had. Maybe she will remember this. We'll see.
I'm getting Jean to eat by witholding her cigarettes. She bitches a bit but she does eat. I even use them to get her to take her respiratory treatments. My dad couldn't argue with her so she would just sit there and smoke all day...constantly. It's amazing, I've never seen anyone smoke that much in my life. She found one of her purses and there was a pack of cigarettes in it. I didn't take it away from her until she smoked 4 straight. I took the fourth one out of her hand which was not terribly easy to do without burning someone but I can handle a frail old lady. I think my father was waiting for a rumble to break out by the look on his face.
That's just how you have to treat them, I took the cigarette, gave her the breathing treatment and she was fine. She's also used to drinking scotch until she passes out. I took the scotch and poured out almost all of it then I poured water in the bottle. It wasn't easy, it was one of those stupid shot pouring bottles that the water doesn't easily run into. But I give her a touch of scotch in water on the rocks and a xanax and she's happy.
It is annoying answering the same questions over and over again. My kids always say, "You already told me that." when I tell them things. I don't remember that I had told them before. But as long as they aren't hearing those thigns over and over again every 15 minutes, they should be happy. I'll go for weeks before I repeat myself...this woman can't go for 20 minutes before I hear the same question again.
It can be sort of funny. Yesterday we were all watching a Johnny Carson collection that my dad got for Chritsmas. At the beginning Jean asked if Johnny was still alive. I said, "No."
She said, "Oh, I didn't know that, when did he die?"
My father said, "Tuesday." I told her, "A couple of years ago."
Then, about 10 minutes later, she asked again, "When did Johnny die?" Again, my father said, "Tuesday." I said nothing.
That went on for a while. Every once in a while, I would say, "A couple of years ago." But it didn't stop her from asking over and over again. I think the last thing I heard before I fell asleep was my father saying, "Tuesday."
Well, I think that I should try to get some sort of sleep before 6 or whenever these people wake up. I hate being awoken by my father. It's a thing that dates back from my childhood. He didn't believe that ANYONE should sleep past 7 AM. After all, there's ALWAYS something to do. If we were dumb enough to say, "Why should I get up? I don't have anything to do!", he would rectify that. If nothing else, there was always early morning weeding and a wall to wash somewhere in the house.
So, now when the old man wakes me up, for a moment, I'm 16 years old and it's Saturday morning and I want to sleep. This nutty person is down my stairs yelling for me to get up and make him coffee. That'll get me up on the wrong side of the bed...over 30 years later.
He made us feel like we were getting away with something if we took a nap while he wasn't there. I think I'm gonna stick it to him again and go back to bed.
:):):)
A friend sent this to me:
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
'My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains every one not on the firstlist. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT'll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell holes and watch thosegovernment leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home . On that note, a word to terrorist organizations.
Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China .
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mezamies.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska- which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'darn tootin.'
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
God bless America .. Thank you and good night.'
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
I can't even say Good Morning at 2 AM because that's just wrong. I don't know what time I fell asleep but it was early. I'd blame it on living with old people but this started before I left for Florida. Damn...maybe I am old.
Even if I am, I'm surrounded by old people in the middle of the Old People capital so suddenly, I'm not as old as I was a week ago. Sure I have a few wrinkles under my eyes, but my lower lids aren't hanging off my eyeballs yet. And, yes...I do pluck a gray hair here and there, but my head isn't snow white.
Even those 3 funky things hanging off of my neck aren't so bad next to people with lots-o-funky things hanging off of their faces. I'm not even bothered so much by the crazy brown spots on my hands...these people have them EVERYWHERE! My boobs may not be as perky as they once were...but they're still more than another roll of fat in my shirt.
And most importantly, I don't have a moustache. Jean does. Well, she did. Then, when I took her to the nail slaon yesterday, I decided that she had TOO much of a moustache (not to mention the beard) so I talked her into getting her entire face waxed. That was fun.
She had never had anything waxed before so I knew this would be a shock to her silly self. I had hoped to go in and watch her suffer but I was still getting my manicure when they took her back. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have been so cruel but my neice is getting married on the 15th and Jean is going to be my father's date. I don't know who I really did it for, her or him. But...I know that part of taking care of her is taking care of her dignity and a woman with that much facial hair has long ago stopped caring herself so it had to be done.
I do wish that I could have seen the process, which, by the way, was stopped before they could get to her eyes. But I did get to see the look on her face when she walked out of the waxing room. She had no clue such pain was an option when she walked into the salon. She walked up to me and said, "They ripped my face off!" The funny part is she wasn't kidding.
The salon lady apologized for not finishing Jean's face and only charged 10 bucks which wasn't bad for a beard and a moustache. I haven't looked that closely so I don't know what she missed besides the eyes...I'm just glad that Jean didn't stop her after she had finished the left side alone. I still have to take her to the hair salon and maybe by then she'll forget about the face ripping thing and let me talk her into having it done again. It is entirely possible that she won't remember the waxing at all. But then again, I never forgot giving birth, no matter what drugs I had. Maybe she will remember this. We'll see.
I'm getting Jean to eat by witholding her cigarettes. She bitches a bit but she does eat. I even use them to get her to take her respiratory treatments. My dad couldn't argue with her so she would just sit there and smoke all day...constantly. It's amazing, I've never seen anyone smoke that much in my life. She found one of her purses and there was a pack of cigarettes in it. I didn't take it away from her until she smoked 4 straight. I took the fourth one out of her hand which was not terribly easy to do without burning someone but I can handle a frail old lady. I think my father was waiting for a rumble to break out by the look on his face.
That's just how you have to treat them, I took the cigarette, gave her the breathing treatment and she was fine. She's also used to drinking scotch until she passes out. I took the scotch and poured out almost all of it then I poured water in the bottle. It wasn't easy, it was one of those stupid shot pouring bottles that the water doesn't easily run into. But I give her a touch of scotch in water on the rocks and a xanax and she's happy.
It is annoying answering the same questions over and over again. My kids always say, "You already told me that." when I tell them things. I don't remember that I had told them before. But as long as they aren't hearing those thigns over and over again every 15 minutes, they should be happy. I'll go for weeks before I repeat myself...this woman can't go for 20 minutes before I hear the same question again.
It can be sort of funny. Yesterday we were all watching a Johnny Carson collection that my dad got for Chritsmas. At the beginning Jean asked if Johnny was still alive. I said, "No."
She said, "Oh, I didn't know that, when did he die?"
My father said, "Tuesday." I told her, "A couple of years ago."
Then, about 10 minutes later, she asked again, "When did Johnny die?" Again, my father said, "Tuesday." I said nothing.
That went on for a while. Every once in a while, I would say, "A couple of years ago." But it didn't stop her from asking over and over again. I think the last thing I heard before I fell asleep was my father saying, "Tuesday."
Well, I think that I should try to get some sort of sleep before 6 or whenever these people wake up. I hate being awoken by my father. It's a thing that dates back from my childhood. He didn't believe that ANYONE should sleep past 7 AM. After all, there's ALWAYS something to do. If we were dumb enough to say, "Why should I get up? I don't have anything to do!", he would rectify that. If nothing else, there was always early morning weeding and a wall to wash somewhere in the house.
So, now when the old man wakes me up, for a moment, I'm 16 years old and it's Saturday morning and I want to sleep. This nutty person is down my stairs yelling for me to get up and make him coffee. That'll get me up on the wrong side of the bed...over 30 years later.
He made us feel like we were getting away with something if we took a nap while he wasn't there. I think I'm gonna stick it to him again and go back to bed.
:):):)
A friend sent this to me:
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
'My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains every one not on the firstlist. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT'll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell holes and watch thosegovernment leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home . On that note, a word to terrorist organizations.
Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China .
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mezamies.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska- which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'darn tootin.'
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
God bless America .. Thank you and good night.'
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
posted by Meg Kelso | 11:55 PM
7 Comments:
It's funny you're posting from "old folks florida"....I'm going down there with my 11 y.o. daughter at the end of the month to stay with my mom/stepdad for a week. They live in a "old folks community" of about 20,000 people near ocala....I'm looking forward to the weather, and my mom's new pool, but not looking forward to the "old folks" part..
John (go colts!!!)
LOLOL...you can't avoid them! They're everywhere. But, as I said, you'll look ever so much younger by comparison! Have fun when you get here...with a new pool I'm sure that you will and within a month, it'll certainly be hot enough to use that pool!
Only a yankee on vacation would swim today...but it won't be long until it's so hot that we'll ALL be looking for a pool to jump in!
Have a nice trip...and sorry about the Colts, but as we Cub fans always say...Watch out for us next year!
Meggers
It's all a bit unique this moving to Florida to retire system you guys have.. I think the great aussie retirement dream for some is to drive around oz in a camper van lol
Hey Meg-
I'm glad you're having a good time, but I think that by now you're already missing Payton and he's missing you! He is sooo cute! When are you going back home?
Sol,
Not soon enough. You're right, I miss him something awful. I hope to go back at least for a visit very soon but I have to play it by ear. I'm just now figuring out what needs to be done and getting it done day to day. There's a lot that needs taking care of.
But I DOOO miss Payton!
:(
Oh, yep, they all come here to retire and die. And...for some reason, they do it and ignore the heat. My father wouldn't turn the AC on if I was lying on his leather couch in a puddle of my own sweat. I know that because it happened. We had this little battle over the thermostat thing going on that time...I turned it on and when I went back to sleep, he turned it off. I would wake up hot and start all over again. I dread being here in the dreadful heat.
AHHHHHH!!! I didn't even know it could get THIS hot...it's like Africa hot at times.
LOL fighting over the thermostat
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